As It Was Made To Be
by KeepingSchtum
Summary: Sequel to Stranded. Naomi and Emily's journey through marriage, commitment, friendship, family and all that comes with it.
1. A Beginning

_****_**Author's Note: Hello everybody! If you're reading this, that means you've followed me over from Stranded onto the sequel, so thank you very much! As I said before, this sequel is going to be quite different from Stranded - it isn't going to be nearly as angsty, though there still will be _some_ angst and difficulties ahead for Naomi and Emily. **

**This story is rated M for language, sexual content (eventually) and mature themes.**

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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_**As It Was Made To Be**_

Chapter 1: A Beginning

_April 29 2013_

It had been just over a month since Emily and I got married, also marking the day that Katie and Effy asked Emily to be their egg donor. We expected that it would take them some time to arrange doctor's appointments and to sort through finding a male donor and sorting through any legal issues they could encounter. However, it didn't seem to take as much time as Emily and I thought it would, since exactly a month after our wedding, Katie and Effy approached us with a date for a doctor's appointment and asked Emily if she still wanted to be their donor.

Luckily, Katie wouldn't have to adopt the baby to assume equal parenting rights, as Katie and Effy could both be identified as parents on the baby's birth certificate. Katie and Effy refused to talk about whether they chose a sperm donor that we knew or whether they went to a sperm bank. Emily and I pressed for more information, but after a while it became unimportant. We knew just as much as Katie and Effy did that the baby's biological father really had very little to do with their baby, and we started to realize that Effy looked upset whenever we would mention the biological father.

Effy and Katie had both decided that they wanted to try to play equal parts in the pregnancy. Since Em and Katie were identical twins and shared the exact same DNA, the egg was considered Katie's, and Effy decided that she wanted to carry the baby. It was the closest they could come to having a biological baby. But it still seemed to bother Effy that the baby wouldn't have any of her DNA. I made a mental note to have a talk with Effy about that.

"Ems! We're going to be late!" I called out, nearly tripping over Libby as I headed to the table, arms full of toast and jam. I sighed as Libby scurried out of my way and went to lay under the table.

Emily came into the kitchen wrapped in a towel. I frowned at her. We were supposed to leave for the doctor's office in half an hour and she wasn't even dressed yet. I had woken up extra early this morning to squeeze in Libby's walk at the park and was already showered and dressed.

"Em, it is somewhat important that we show up on time for the appointment," I said as I handed her a piece of toast and her cup of tea. "Eff and Katie said the doctor runs perfectly on time, so we really can't show up late."

Emily nodded and took a huge gulp of her tea and two large bites of toast before scurrying back into our bedroom to get dressed.

"What are we going to do with her, huh Libby?" I said as I sat down to enjoy my breakfast.

Fifteen minutes later, Emily came out of the bedroom dressed and presentable. She finished her breakfast quickly before grabbing her purse, jacket and keys and rushing _me_ out the door.

"If Libby makes a mess because we left the jam and dishes on the table, you have to clean it up when we get home," I said as we walked the short distance to the doctor's office. That was the nice thing about living in central Bristol – everything was a walk away.

Emily nodded at me and bit her lip, a clear sign that she was feeling nervous. I grabbed her hand and held on tight. Today was our first appointment with the doctor to get all the information we needed and hopefully to get Emily started on a course of hormone therapy. I was probably just as nervous as Emily was. I'd never been a big fan of doctors.

"You'll be fine, Em," I said as we walked into the medical office. "There's nothing to worry about."

Emily bit her lip and nodded, but still seemed nervous. Katie and Effy assured us that the doctor was great and very thorough, which reassured me a bit. I don't think Em was nervous about the medical aspect of it all though. She went through a horrible time the last time she underwent hormone therapy for the egg extraction, and she was probably afraid that she wasn't in the proper mindset to do it again. Plus, I knew she really didn't want to disappoint Katie and Effy. They had put so much time and effort and thought into their ideal pregnancy, and I knew Emily didn't want the doctor to say something was wrong and that she couldn't donate her eggs. So I held her hand the whole time we were in the waiting room and through most of the appointment. The doctor showed me how to give Em her injections each day and also explained the extraction procedure that would take place.

"You'll have to come in frequently for tests and ultrasounds while you're taking the stimulant hormone. That's just so we can monitor the growth and progression of the ovarian follicles. Once your follicles are large enough, you'll inject yourself with HCG, and then about 36 hours later, we will do the extraction procedure. You'll have to come in to hospital and you'll be put under general anesthesia. It will take place in the operating theatre and should be fairly quick and easy," Dr. Greene said with a smile. She cleared her throat and looked at Emily's file in front of her. "Now normally, we would have to sync up the donor and recipient's periods, but since the recipient suffers from premature ovarian failure, we won't have to do that. I must warn you that this procedure is not without risks – the stimulant hormones can cause fluid retention and ovarian swelling, known as ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. OHSS varies, and can cause anything from mild abdominal pain to life-threatening blood clots. However, we will be monitoring you quite closely, so life threatening OHSS has less than a 1% chance of affecting you."

Emily nodded and bit her nails. I'd turned white as a ghost. I had no idea that donating eggs was so dangerous.

"Okay then, inject yourself with the stimulant hormone tonight before you go to bed. Do that every day until I tell you otherwise. I'd like to see you back in three days' time," Dr. Greene said before smiling at us warmly and shaking our hands.

Our walk back to the apartment was completely silent. When we walked in, Libby greeted us happily, an indication that she hadn't made a mess of the kitchen and that she was proud of herself for not doing so. But as soon as she took in how scared I looked and how worried Emily looked, Libby quickly shifted emotions and cuddled up with us on the couch. I couldn't stop thinking about the risks and the procedure Emily was willing to put herself through. Even though there was less than a 1% chance that something life-threatening would affect Em, it was still worrying.

"I really want to do this for Katie and Effy," Emily said quietly, placing the bag of needles and vials of hormones on the coffee table in front of us. "But I'm really nervous."

I nodded at her. "I'm nervous too. I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Emily nodded. "Yeah, I suppose I'm nervous about that too. I just don't want these hormones to fuck me up and make me..._hate_ myself like I used to. I don't want it to bring all the bad memories back. I really want to be able to do this for Katie and Effy and I don't want _anything_ to go wrong."

I nodded at her and pulled her into my side. "You're a lot stronger now, Em. I'm sure nothing bad will happen."

She looked up at me, her forehead creased and her lips pursed. "Do you think I can do it?"

I smiled at her and kissed her. "I think you can do anything."

Emily smiled back with a determined look on her face.

Later that night, after we had taken Libby out for her walk, Emily turned to me with a quizzical look on her face.

"Do you want kids?" She asked. I shrugged and nodded at her. Ever since Katie and Effy had asked Emily to be their donor, I'd been imagining what life would be like if Emily and I had children. I never really mentioned any of those thoughts to Emily, since I was worried that she would think it was too soon for us to have children. But really, if we decided to bring children into our lives, we would be prepared. We had money saved and the apartment was definitely big enough. We had an empty bedroom that was still waiting to be filled. We were comfortable enough emotionally and financially to support a baby.

"Kids aren't so bad," I said with a smile as I snuggled into Emily's side and kissed her neck.

She frowned. "I don't think...I mean...I _do_ want kids. I just don't want to be pregnant."

I was completely shocked. I'd always thought that, at least for us, Emily would be the obvious choice to be the birth mother. I hadn't given any thought to being pregnant or giving birth because I always assumed Emily would want to do that, possibly as a sort of healing process.

Emily could tell I was shocked, and shrugged. "I just don't want to put my body and my mind through that kind of thing. I know some people say that giving birth is a healing process and that it's magical and all that. But I'm just...not interested. And I'm not sure that I'd be ready to put my body through all those changes after going through this donation process." She grabbed my hand and looked up at me hopefully. "Would you be interested in being the birth mother of our children?"

I immediately knew the answer was yes. Of course the answer was yes. If Emily didn't want to carry our children, I was perfectly fine with the idea. Now that I'd given it some thought, however little thought that may be, I knew I definitely wanted to carry our children.

"Yes. Of course. I'd do that for us," I said. Emily beamed at me. "I'd do anything for us, really."

She squealed and kissed me. "How many kids do you want?" She asked, grabbing my hand tightly with hers.

"I don't know, shouldn't we just start off with one and see where we end up?" I asked as Emily laughed and nodded. I never really thought about how many kids I wanted or whether I wanted this many girls and that many boys. I just wanted happy, healthy children with the woman I loved. "Do you know how many kids you want?"

Emily shrugged as well. "I never really thought about it before now."

I nodded at her and returned my attention to the television, though I could still sense that Emily felt tense with unanswered questions beneath me. I looked up at her and found her biting her lip. She looked down at me and blushed and smiled.

"So...are we trying? Do we want to try?" She asked shyly, taking my hand in hers and looking at me hopefully.

"Maybe," I said. "I think it would be better if we waited until after you're done with the whole donation process. It'd be easier that way, don't you think?"

Emily nodded and smiled at me. She leaned down and pressed her lips against mine, her tongue peeking out and finding mine, exploring and massaging gently. "Love you, Naoms," she whispered against my lips.

"Love you too, Em."

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**And also, check out my tumblr page where you can follow me or ask me a question: keeping-schtum (dot) tumblr (dot) com**


	2. Queens of Promise

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews you've left on the last chapter! I planned on updating this story every Sunday, but I thought this week I'd give you an extra update. **

**Hope you like the chapter!**

**As usual, I don't own/have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 2: Queens of Promise

_June 4th 2013_

I nervously paced the waiting area of the hospital. Emily had gone in for the collection surgery about fifteen minutes ago, which meant that I had anywhere from fifteen to thirty more minutes of waiting for her to get out of the Operating Room. Then I would have to wait for her anesthesia to wear off and hopefully, we'd be back home sometime this afternoon.

I was petrified. The last few weeks of hormone therapy had been hell for both of us. Emily had to go in to the fertility clinic every three days to have intra-vaginal ultrasounds to monitor follicle growth. She was moody all the time, and though I understood what she was going through, I also had a lot to worry about myself along with trying to help Emily as much as I could.

Emily and I hadn't spoken about trying for a baby after that first night – once Emily started taking the hormones, she was very emotional and I didn't want to bring up something as important as a baby when she was like that. So we still hadn't discussed who we would be using as a donor or whether we would use a sperm bank. I hadn't talked to Katie or Effy or my mum about it because I heard it was bad luck to talk about those kinds of things before you were actually pregnant. I'd been doing a lot of research on my own and had started eating foods that would make me more fertile. I really didn't want to be trying to conceive for a long time, so I figured I would get a head start and start doing things that would increase my chances of getting pregnant now. I hadn't really talked to Emily about it so she gave me a few odd looks when I started making sweet potatoes as a side dish every other night, or when I sprinkled flaxseed on my yogurt at breakfast.

Effy and Katie walked into the waiting room when I was on my fifteenth circuit around the area. I sighed, relieved to finally see people that I recognized. Katie looked almost as worried as I did, and Effy was white as a ghost.

"Have they said anything about Em yet? Is she out of the OR?" Katie asked as she walked over to hug me.

I shook my head at them. "Nobody's told me anything yet. She should be out in a few minutes."

Effy nodded at me and grabbed my hand. She smiled at me, but I could tell she was really worried.

"What's up, Eff?" I asked as we all sat down. We were the only ones in the waiting area that morning, luckily enough. Effy laughed and waved her hand at me, trying to brush off my question.

"She's worried about the transfer in a few days. She doesn't want Em to have to go through this again if it takes us a long time to get pregnant," Katie said as she grabbed Effy's hand and kissed her on the cheek.

I nodded. I knew that if Katie and Effy asked Emily to go through the process again, Em would say yes, but she wouldn't be happy about it. She hated going to the doctor's so often and having to go through the ultrasounds every three days. It was an exhausting process for her. But I knew Em would agree to a second round of extractions, just because she wanted to be able to help her sister in any way she could.

A few minutes later, a nurse came to inform me that Emily was out of surgery, but not awake yet and that I could go and see her. I shot up from my seat quicker than a rocket and followed the nurse to the post-operative area. She lead me right to Emily, and I sat next to her and grabbed her hand while the nurse checked her IV and heart rate monitor. The nurse smiled at me.

"I read her file last night when I was prepping for this morning's surgery," She said with a smile. "I think it's really great, what she's doing for her sister and her partner. You must be a very supportive wife."

I smiled at the nurse and thanked her, but I couldn't say much more than that because it was the first time anybody had ever acknowledged Emily as my wife and I may have started to cry a bit. We weren't technically married, but the wedding bands on our fingers showed just how much we wanted to be. The nurse smiled and squeezed my shoulder, telling me to call her if I needed anything before she left the little room.

A few minutes later, after I'd finished getting overemotional, Emily started to wake up. I called a nurse over, just to check that everything was going well. They assured me that Emily was fine and brought over some ice chips for once she woke up.

Emily opened her eyes and moaned.

"Hey, Em," I whispered as I moved closer to her bed and pushed her hair away from her face. "The extraction's over, darling, you're doing great."

Emily nodded and pointed to her throat, so I handed her the ice chips, which she chewed on for a few minutes. She was still so groggy and disoriented. About half an hour after she woke up, she started complaining about cramps and nausea. I knew some people felt nauseous because of the anesthesia, so I bought some wristbands from online that were supposed to help. They had a hard plastic ball on them, and when you put them on your wrists properly, they would push into a point that would release endorphins and stop any feelings of nausea. I put them on Emily's wrist, careful to get them in the right spot. Eventually, her nausea started to fade away, and the nurse let Katie and Effy come in. They both hugged her and Effy cried and thanked Em for what she'd done for them, and then I cried and Katie and Emily made fun of us.

Katie and Effy had to leave before us because they had a doctor's appointment. Effy was supposed to start taking hormones to thicken the lining of her uterus to prepare for the egg transfer in four days. We were allowed to leave about an hour after, and Em was given strict instructions to stay in bed today and not to overdo it when she went back to work in two days.

When we got home, Em went straight to bed and Libby spent the rest of the day lying on my side of the bed right next to Emily. She would bark whenever Em would try to get up by herself, which was frequently since Em was stubborn and didn't listen to doctor's orders.

"Em, stop it!" I said as I walked into the bedroom after hearing Libby bark. I had been working on an article in the office next to the bedroom. "You can just call me and I'll help you get up to go to the bathroom or I'll get you whatever you need."

Emily blushed, and buried her face in her hands. "I hate this, I just want to be independent! I want to be able to go to the bathroom myself, Naoms, it's embarrassing to have my wife take me to the bathroom and have to help me get back to bed."

I nodded at her and sat next to her on the bed. "I know, Em, but it's only for today. The doctor said you're fine to get up and move around tomorrow. And you shouldn't be embarrassed, Em, I'm your wife. I took a vow that said 'in sickness and in health' and I meant it. I want to help you."

Emily smiled at me and grabbed my shirt, pulling me closer to her. She kissed me roughly while she could, since I pulled away soon after, afraid that I would hurt her or things would go too far.

"What was that for?" I asked with a blush. Emily smiled at me.

"It's so sexy when you talk about being my wife and taking vows," Emily said. "And I kind of wanted to say thank you for being so great these last few weeks. I know I've been an emotional mess, but I really appreciate how supportive and awesome you've been."

I smiled at her. "Well, that's my job, love."

She smiled back, told me to finish my article, and assured me that she would take a nap. I went back to the office and worked on my article for a bit longer before getting distracted and researching more about trying to conceive.

Three days later, Katie and Effy came over to have dinner with us and update us on what was happening with the embryo transfer. Emily had made roast chicken and I made mashed sweet potatoes and roasted veggies. Effy was so nervous about the embryo transfer happening the next day that she barely ate anything.

"Here," I said as I handed her a bowl of mashed sweet potato. "Sweet potatoes help with fertility."

Effy smiled at me and ate the whole bowl. Emily gave me a quizzical look when I said that, and I just smiled at her. I'd have to explain that one later tonight.

"So, tomorrow's the transfer day," Katie said with a huge sigh after she finished her dinner. "We had 10 eggs extracted from Emily, and 8 of them were successfully fertilized. We plan on transferring 2 tomorrow and freezing the other 6."

Emily and I nodded and Effy continued eating her sweet potatoes, avoiding eye contact with us.

"But before we decided anything else, we wanted to ask you guys something," Katie said as she took a sip of her drink (orange juice with folic acid; since Effy wasn't allowed to drink, Katie promised she wouldn't drink either). "Do you want to split the remaining 6 embryos with us? They've already been fertilized with our donor's sperm, so you wouldn't have a choice in who that would be, but if you decided you wanted some of the eggs, we would give you all the information we have in regards to the donor."

Emily immediately started shaking her head. "Katie, god no! Those are your embryos, they're for you and Eff."

"But if something happens, these are your last shot at having a baby of your own, Ems," Katie said, grabbing her sister's hand. Emily continued to shake her head and I did the same.

"I know, Katie, I know. But having a biological child isn't all that important to me. _If_ something happens, then that's okay and I'll deal with that if it happens. But I went through that process for you guys, not for me. I never wanted anything out of it."

I nodded, agreeing with everything Emily said. It was reassuring, hearing her speak so confidently about not needing to have a biological child. It made me feel at ease, knowing that she was serious about having me carry and be the biological mother of our baby. And I knew that I felt the same way as she did – even if Emily decided that she wanted to be the biological mother of our baby, I would be perfectly fine with it. Having a biological child wasn't important to either of us; we just wanted the joy of having a baby and starting a family. Having me carry the baby and inseminating with a donor sperm just seemed to be the easiest way to do that, for us. If adoption wasn't so expensive and time-consuming, we would have considered that. But I knew both Em and I would love our baby, no matter who it's biological mother or father was.

Katie and Effy nodded at us and helped us clear the table before leaving. They wanted to have an early night since they both had to be up early to go to the fertility clinic for the transfer. I heard Emily lock the door behind them as I rinsed the dishes and loaded the dishwasher.

"So," Emily said from behind me. I turned to peek over my shoulder at her. She was leaning against the doorway in the kitchen, and Libby was sitting at her feet. "When are we going to start trying?"

A smile burst onto my face and I squealed and jumped over to her, practically tackling her to the ground with the force of my hug. My hands were still wet and soapy from the water, but neither of us seemed to care.

"I thought you'd forgotten!" I said as I peppered her face with kisses. Libby ran around our feet and barked as us.

Emily laughed and squeezed me back tightly. "I couldn't forget something so important!"

I ran into the office and pulled out my calendar, already marked up with ovulation dates.

"About a week and a half from now," I declared. Emily beamed at me as I set my calendar on the dining table.

"So that gives us a week and a half to find a donor. Do you want to use a sperm bank or someone we know?" She asked, tossing a tennis ball Libby had brought to her.

I had already given this careful consideration. "I was thinking...maybe we could use Cook?" I said, watching Emily's face carefully for any reaction. She seemed surprised, but open to the idea, so I continued.

"I know his family history really well and he has no serious health issues that run in his family. And, despite the rumours, I know that he's STD-free, and he'd probably be willing to help us out. Of course, he'd have to sign off his parental rights and everything, but I'm sure he'd be fine with that."

Emily shrugged at me. "Plus, he's pretty attractive," She added, making me shoot her a questioning glance. "I'm just saying!" She said with a laugh.

"So...should we ask him to dinner and ask him to be our donor?" I said as I loaded the last dish into the dishwasher.

Emily nodded and came up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her hands laid carefully over my lower stomach and she kissed my neck.

"Yes. Let's make a baby," she whispered before dragging me into our bedroom.

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**I hope you liked the chapter! Please let me know what you thought! **

**Also, check out my tumblr page, where you can ask me questions about the story or anything else you want to know: keeping-schtum (dot) tumblr (dot) com**


	3. Begonia Skies

**Author's Note: Hey guys! So, as promised, I'm updating on Sunday, though technically it's late Saturday night. Thank you so much for the reviews you've left on the previous chapters and thank you for continuing to read this story :)**

**As usual, I don't own/have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 3: Begonia Skies

_June 9th 2013_

Things at the apartment were peaceful, but things in my head were much more hectic. I was printing out a known sperm donor contract to have Cook sign if he agreed to be our donor, and Emily was cooking dinner for tonight. We were doing a Sunday roast to lure Cook in, and then we were going to ask him to be our donor. If he agreed, hopefully we'd be able to sign the contract later tonight and everything would be in order to start at-home inseminations next weekend. If Cook didn't agree, we'd probably miss my ovulation for this month and we'd have to wait until next month to start trying with a different donor, or possibly with a sperm bank which could be quite expensive. Emily and I were comfortable financially, but it would certainly be easier if Cook agreed to be our donor. And since I wanted to start trying as soon as possible, both Emily and I were desperately hoping that Cook would agree and sign the donor contract tonight.

The sperm donor contract wasn't too difficult to navigate through for me - thanks to my major in politics and my minor in law - but explaining it to Ems took ages. She kept questioning why the contract had to be so explicit, and why we even needed a contract. Technically, the contract was just a formality, since I knew Cook wouldn't try to gain custody of the baby or anything like that, but I also knew that it was important to have a contract in these circumstances. I also added in other important clauses to the contract, like _the donor must not engage in unsafe sex practices while he is donating his sperm, though it should be noted that celibacy is preferred_. Emily found that clause rather funny.

I finished printing out the contract and stapled it all together before hiding it in one of my desk drawers. I'd take it out if we ended up needing it, and hopefully, we would. I went into the kitchen and found Emily just hanging up the phone with a smile on her face.

"What's up?" I asked as I walked over to the stove and stirred the gravy that was bubbling away.

"Oh, that was just Katie," Emily said as she pulled the roast out of the oven and stuck a thermometer in it. "Just updating us on the transfer. She says Effy sat on the couch upside down yesterday after they got home, with her head dangling off the seat cushions and her legs on top of the back rest part. Apparently, Effy is doing the exact same thing today, because when Phoebe did it on that show Friends, she ended up pregnant with triplets."

I laughed and went to set up the table. I knew Effy would do something weird like that – she was really worried about getting pregnant, and she wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible.

"How are they doing, other than that?" I asked as I laid out the forks and knives carefully.

"They seem just fine," Emily replied as she put the roast back in the oven. "Katie says she's feeling a bit nervous about Eff and how she'll react if they don't get pregnant on this round. Effy's been pretty stressed about it lately, and they're both hoping they won't have to go through another transfer."

I nodded, understanding Effy's worry. She saw how hard the egg donation was for Emily, and she didn't want her to have to go through the process again. I didn't want Emily to have to go through the process again either. I also knew that Effy didn't want to use up all their eggs right away – she wanted to save as many as possible in case she and Katie decided to have another baby.

Libby walked up to the front door and sat next to it patiently. She looked back at me and barked, as though she knew Cook was just on his way up to the flat.

"No more talk about Eff and Katie and babies now," I warned Emily, waggling my finger at her in mock authority. She smiled and nodded.

Cook didn't bother to knock on the door. "EMILIOOOOO! NAOMIKINS! THE COOKIE MONSTER HAS ARRIVED!"

I walked into the living room, where I saw Cook playing with Libby and laughing his head off. I walked over to him and hugged him.

"Hey, Cook," I said as I pulled away and Libby jumped at our feet. "How've you been?"

"Ah, not bad, Naoms. Been busy working at Keith's pub, haven't I?" Cook replied as we walked into the kitchen. I poured him a beer while Emily hugged him and talked about work.

Cook sat down at the table, across from Emily and I. I passed him his beer, and listened to Em talk about how much she hated her job.

"The women that I work with, they're all still so young, fresh out of college. They don't hate it nearly as much as I do, but it's getting ridiculous. The shop makes us wear as much makeup as we can possibly cram on our faces, I have to wear full false lashes to work every day," Emily sighed heavily as she took a drink from her glass of water. "I didn't become a makeup artist to do this, to promote fake beauty like this. I used to love the look that women would get after I would do their makeup, when I would just bring out their natural features. But now, I have to meet sales demands and push products, so I have to cake makeup on these gorgeous women, who don't need all that crap on their face. It doesn't exactly promote self-confidence, and it certainly _isn't_ what I became a makeup artist for. I'm just so _miserable_ working there."

Cook nodded and took a drink from his beer. "Well, Ems, I know a local photographer who's looking to team up with a makeup artist. She's a wedding photographer and wants to expand her services to include makeup and hair and stuff. She said something about having brides come to one place to get everything they need for their wedding. I could give her your card if you want, I'm sure she'd be interested in working with you."

Emily smiled and thanked Cook profusely. I knew just how much she hated her job, so I also knew how grateful she was for the job opportunity. She got up and went to take the roast out of the oven, and started serving everybody dinner.

"So, Cook," I said through a mouthful of mashed sweet potato. "How do you happen to know this wedding photographer?"

Cook smiled and winked at me and I laughed. We ate dinner, sharing stories about work and friends and what had happened during our week. Emily and I carefully avoided talking about Effy and Katie, obviously not wanting to let anything about the IVF slip. Cook finished his dinner first, leaning back on his chair and patting his stomach with a smile on his face.

"Excellent meal, Emily," Cook said, placing his napkin on the table. "Top notch roast. And those orange potatoes were pretty good too."

"Sweet potatoes, Cookie," I reminded him. He smiled and shrugged at me.

"Well, we may have had ulterior motives for inviting you over for Sunday roast, Cook," Emily said as she carefully placed her knife and fork down on her plate.

Cook quirked an eyebrow at us, and Emily grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly. I suddenly felt so nervous that Cook would refuse to be our donor. Emily looked at me expectantly, since I had assured her that I would be prepared to ask Cook myself. I took a drink of my water and cleared my throat.

"Well," I started, biting my lip nervously. "Emily and I feel that we're ready to have kids. We really want to start trying as soon as possible, but obviously, we...uh...can't do that without some help. We've decided that I'll be the birth mother, but we still need a sperm donor...and we were really hoping that you would be our donor."

Cook looked completely shocked and scared. I got even more nervous once I saw Cook's reaction and my palms started to sweat. Emily noticed my obvious discomfort and cleared her throat.

"Obviously, you can say no. Or you could take a few days to think everything over, if you like. But we really do need to know as soon as possible, since we have to start trying next weekend," Emily said, smiling gently at Cook.

Cook stared intently at the table. "So, what would I need to do? Just...do it in a cup and then hand it over to you guys?" He asked, fiddling with his napkin. His brow was creased and he was obviously deep in thought.

Emily and I both nodded.

"We'd also ask you to try to stay celibate, but if you couldn't do that, then having safe sex would be important. _Very_ important. And we'd also need you to go in to the doctor's for some really quick tests, just to make sure that your swimmers swim fast enough. I hope that doesn't offend you," I added, biting my lip nervously. Cook smiled up at me.

"So when do I start?" He asked, still smiling at us. Emily screamed and got up so quickly she knocked her chair over. She ran over to hug Cook and peppered his face with kisses. Cook looked up at me and smiled and I smiled back, though it was a bit hard to do through the happy tears that were falling down my face.

Emily ran over to me and kissed me. "We're gonna start our family, Naoms," she whispered as she hugged me tightly, her chin resting on my shoulder. Cook came over and wrapped us both in a tight hug.

Later that night while Emily was out taking Libby for her walk, Cook and I sat at the kitchen table and went through the specifics of the sperm donor contract.

"What does that one mean?" Cook asked, pointing to a clause with the tip of his pen.

"That means that Emily and I will get to choose the baby's name," I replied, as Cook smiled and nodded. He read through the rest of the contract and signed. He looked up at me, his face warm and open.

"Thanks for choosing me, Naoms," he said quietly. "It means a lot to me, to be able to help you and Ems start a family."

I reached over and grabbed his hand. "You were our first choice, Cookie."

He smiled, his eyes getting teary. "I'll get to see the little guy every once in a while, right?" He bit his lip and brushed his tears away. I immediately thought of Cook's younger brother, Paddy, and how much Cook loved him. Of course, Cook would want to be a part of the baby's life. My heart almost broke at the sight before me; Cook, a man that usually acted like a kid himself, agreeing to help Emily and I have a baby. I got up and hugged Cook tightly, kissing him on the cheek.

"Of course. You'll be Uncle Cookie," I whispered as Cook hugged me back just as tightly. He nodded against my shoulder, and I felt a few tears fall onto my shirt. "Thank you so much, Cook. It means so, _so_ much to me."

He nodded again and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair, indicating that he was ready to go home. I handed him the first specimen cup, and he laughed. "Never thought I'd be whacking off in one of these."

I laughed with him and walked him to the front door. "So I'll drop by your flat next Saturday night to pick up, okay?"

Cook nodded at me and waved goodbye. I smiled and waved and shut the door behind him. I felt like I was floating, I was so happy. I was beyond happy, I was completely ecstatic. Cook had agreed to be our donor, and hopefully, I'd be pregnant with our first child soon. I wrote a reminder to pick up prenatal vitamins from the drugstore tomorrow on a post-it note , and stuck it on the fridge. I looked down at my stomach which was completely flat. I lifted my shirt a little and put my hand over my stomach, eager for the day when I would feel our baby kick beneath my hand. I closed my eyes and sighed, so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't hear the front door open.

Emily walked into the kitchen with Libby trailing behind her. She walked up behind me and put her hands over mine, so we were both holding my stomach. "I can't wait," Emily whispered.

"Me neither."

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**Author's Note: I hope you liked the chapter! Please let me know what you thought in a review - I love reading your thoughts about the chapter :)**

**Also, you can check me out on tumblr, follow me, ask me a question about the story or anything: keeping-schtum (dot) tumblr (dot) com**


	4. A Moment

**Author's Note: Hello everybody! I'm updating a bit earlier than usual, so that means there won't be an update on Sunday this week, since I've updated early on Saturday :)**

**Thank you so much to those who have reviewed and PM'd! I'd like to clear up a question that came up in a review that asked why Naomi and Emily didn't get married in the United States or some other country. The answer is that since the UK currently don't have any legislation for same sex marriage, even if Emily and Naomi were legally married in the States, the UK would only recognize them as civil partners. Emily and Naomi had a civil partnership ceremony in Bristol partly to save some money since destination weddings are quite expensive and they also wanted their family to be at the ceremony. **

_**However,**_** we still don't know where Katie and Effy will decide to get married once the UK passes same sex marriage by 2015! They could very well decide to have a destination wedding :)**

**Anyways, on with the chapter! As usual, I don't own/have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 4: A Moment

_June 15th, 2013_

It was a rainy Saturday morning, and even though I desperately wanted to sleep in, Libby didn't quite understand that, and jumped on our bed at about 7:30 in the morning to be taken out for her walk. Emily was already gone, having woken up about two hours earlier to go to work. She had gotten the job with the wedding photographer, Stacey, and was required to start work immediately.

Tonight was our first insemination of three for my cycle. We would also inseminate tomorrow night, and the following night, and hopefully one of them would take. Luckily, Emily was going to be home sometime late that afternoon, so we wouldn't have to skip tonight's insemination just because she was working.

Cook had been to the doctor's early in the week and had gone through all the tests necessary; testing his motility and making sure he had no STDs. There were absolutely no problems, and everything was in place for the insemination tonight. I didn't feel nervous, though I knew Emily did. Even though she was obviously comfortable being..._down under_, she reluctantly admitted that she felt nervous about inseminating me and nervous about the changes my body would go through. She wasn't nervous in a selfish way though. She was worried about how I would feel when my body would inevitably change and I would lose control over a lot of aspects of my life. She was so concerned for me and for what I was willing to go through. It made me fall even more in love with her, watching her watch birth shows on TV and frowning curiously every time she saw a pregnant woman. I was nervous about buying those stretchy maternity jeans, but that was about it.

Libby climbed up further onto our bed, now laying fully on top of me and started licking my arm. She knew how much I hated that, and was obviously trying to get me out of bed to take her out for her walk. She also knew that she had put on a few pounds recently and was no longer a tiny puppy. Now whenever she lay on top of me, I couldn't breathe.

"Alright, alright," I mumbled as I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed a light sweater. I always took Libby out for walks in my pyjamas, especially this early in the morning when I really can't be bothered to put on normal clothes.

I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face, while Libby ran to the front door, excited to finally be going on her walk. I grabbed my cell phone, the house keys, an umbrella, and Libby's leash. She was patiently waiting for me to put on her collar, sitting by the door. I clipped the leash to her collar and lead us out the door, trying to be as quick as possible with locking up the flat.

Since it was rainy outside, Libby's walk was kept to an absolute minimum. We only ended up walking around the corner to Katie and Effy's house before I'd decided that was quite enough of a walk. I walked up to their front door and let myself in using the key Effy had given me "for emergencies only". This was technically an emergency – my hair was two times the size it was when I left the flat ten minutes ago. I let myself in and locked the door behind me, closing up my umbrella and taking off my shoes. I reached for my very own pair of slippers that I kept here for whenever I came over.

Effy walked out of the kitchen, wearing a hot pink apron with a kitchen towel flung over her shoulder.

"Giving you that key was a huge mistake, wasn't it?" Effy asked as Libby ran over to her, shaking off water droplets as she ran. The whole front hallway was wet by the time Libby was finished. I smiled and shrugged.

"We just wanted to pop by for a visit," I said as innocently as possible. Effy raised her eyebrow at me. I sighed heavily. "Emily's at work and Libby woke me up early and I realized I haven't seen you since last week when you came round for dinner, so I wanted to ask you about the transfer and stuff... is that bacon I smell?"

Effy smiled and walked back into her kitchen, the smell of bacon and eggs and sausages luring me in. I sat down at the kitchen table, Libby going to lay down on the dog bed Katie and Effy bought specially for her. Effy flipped two eggs and turned some bacon.

"The transfer went well," She said, looking over her shoulder to smile at me. She moved around the kitchen, gathering two plates and two glasses and two sets of cutlery. "Katie's at work, too, doing a photo shoot in Bridgwater."

Effy came and set the table, a huge smile on her face. "I've been feeling nauseous, but it isn't morning sickness. It's in the middle of the night. It always starts at 2:45. I try and try and try to get back to sleep, and I just can't...until about 5 in the morning. I'm so exhausted when I wake up, but then as soon as I think about having breakfast, I get all this energy and start acting like Nigella fucking Lawson, cooking up a storm."

I smiled and nodded at her. Now that I think about it, it was quite odd to see Effy up so early and cooking a proper breakfast. Effy was more of a toast and tea or cereal person – whatever took the least amount of effort.

"So are you gonna take a test?" I asked excitedly as Effy loaded up our plates with food. She nodded excitedly at me.

"Katie said she wants to be here when I take it, but I really want to surprise her! It won't be much of a surprise anyway, since she's been convinced that I'm pregnant since the day we got home from the transfer," Effy said as she filled up our cups with orange juice with folic acid.

I nodded at her and started eating. "But, then again," I said, mouth full of sausage and bacon. "Maybe you should wait for her. If I know Katie, she may just end up getting cross that you didn't wait for her like she said. And you guys have already tried so hard to make this pregnancy a joint effort!"

Effy nodded contemplatively. "I think I will wait. She's going to get home sometime tonight, so I'll just take the test then."

I smiled brightly at her. "Don't forget to give us a ring, no matter what," I said, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand tightly. Effy looked so happy, so content. I'd never seen her act this calm and serene. Even when she was with Freddie, she was always worrying about either the business or money, or, occasionally, whether Freddie was having an affair. Looking back on that paranoid, unsure and insecure Effy made me realize just how far she's come.

After we ate breakfast I helped Effy do the dishes and then I even helped her clean the house. I felt a bit bad since Libby had gotten the front hallway all wet earlier, but still I must have been in a very giving mood since I barely even clean at home. The rain eventually cleared up and I remembered that I still had to submit my latest article and give Libby a bath since she stank of wet dog from the walk in the rain. I gave Effy a hug that I hoped was comforting and reassuring and full of hope for the baby she could possibly be carrying, and a little for the baby I hoped to soon be carrying.

Libby and I got home at about noon, and by the time I submitted my article Libby already knew what was coming – bath time. Libby _hated_ bath time even more than she hated the sweaters Emily forced her to wear. Libby, sensing her own impending doom, was sitting on top of my feet under my desk. She refused to look at me, as though having to take a bath would just go away if she ignored me.

"Libby," I said in my firm alpha-mama commanding voice. "It's bath time."

Libby heaved a sigh and stayed sitting on my feet. I pushed my office chair out and dragged my feet out from underneath her body weight.

"Come on, Libby, bath time," I said as I walked out of the office and into our bedroom. I heard Libby slowly get up and walk into the bathroom.

I felt bad for Libby – taking baths made her anxious, and I always tried my best to keep her as calm as possible throughout the process. To help her feel more calm, I would always have to get in the bath with her. I changed into my bathing suit while Libby waited for me in the bathroom and grabbed three big fluffy towels. When I walked in to the bathroom, Libby was sitting next to the bathtub with her head turned away from it, looking down at the floor. I moved around her and turned on the water, making sure it was just warm enough for us both.

"Sorry, darling," I said as I lifted Libby up and walked into the bath. I put Libby down as gently as I could. I cupped my hand and gently poured water onto her. She looked up at me with the most adorable face that said _I really don't want to be here right now._

Once Libby was all wet, I shampooed her fur. Libby didn't actually mind this bit, since it was basically a massage. I rinsed her off, conditioned her, and started draining the tub, using fresh water to wash the conditioner off. I heard the door slam as I was leaning outside of the tub, trying to reach the towels I'd brought in earlier. Libby was whimpering and trying to jump out of the tub, so I was also holding her back with my feet.

"Hello? Is anybody home?" Emily called. Libby barked and jumped at the sound of Emily's voice and nearly knocked me over.

"We're in the bath!" I called back as I finally managed to grab the towels. I frowned down at Libby for almost tripping me, and then I started drying her off.

"Well, hello Naomi," Emily said suggestively with a smug smirk on her face. She quirked her eyebrow at me, and I remembered that I was wearing a bikini.

"Ew, Em, you've got to be kidding me. I just gave the dog a bath and I smell like doggy shampoo and I'm freezing," I said, laughing as Emily continued to check me out. Libby started shaking out the water from her coat, soaking me in water droplets while I desperately tried to get her dried off quickly.

Emily walked over to us and opened up a towel, holding it up to her chest before reaching into the bathtub and picking Libby up. She wrapped her up in the towel like you would a baby, and she started gently drying Libby off. Emily smiled up at me and handed me a towel.

"Maybe next time you should leave bath time for me, darling," She said, leaning over and giving me a quick kiss. She held onto Libby while searching for a blow dryer and Libby's grooming brush. She set Libby down on the bathroom floor, and surprisingly, Libby didn't move a muscle while Emily blow dried her fur.

When Emily was finally finished, Libby ran out of the bathroom and went straight into the living room, where the noises of her squeaky chew toy echoed throughout the whole flat.

"Not even a thank you," I said, gesturing towards the living room. Emily laughed and continued cleaning up the bathroom, putting away the blow dryer and tossing the towels in the laundry hamper.

I hopped in to take a quick shower to wash away the smell of the dog shampoo while Emily started a load of laundry. I was actually starting to feel a bit nervous about the insemination. What if Emily didn't do it right? What if I didn't end up pregnant right away? Would I get jealous of Effy if she got pregnant on the first try and I didn't?

I tried my best to push away the thoughts as I turned off the shower and went into the bedroom to get dressed in a new pair of pyjamas. Emily walked into the room and grabbed her purse.

"I'm heading out to grab us a pizza and then I'm going to Cook's to pick up," Emily said as she walked over to me, giving me a quick kiss. She smiled at me brightly. "Are you ready?"

I smiled and nodded. I was definitely ready, but I also had nervous butterflies in my stomach in a good way. Emily smiled back and left.

I walked into the living room and found Libby lying on her back on the couch and snoring. I suppose she was exhausted from her bath and running around Effy's house earlier today. I grabbed a magazine to mindlessly flip through while I waited for Emily to come back home.

She was back about half an hour later, with a plastic shopping bag in one hand and a pizza box in the other.

"So, which would you like first?" She asked playfully as she put the pizza box down on the kitchen table. "Sperm or pizza?"

I laughed and shrugged. "I suppose we should do the insemination first...I'm not sure how long the sperm will last before it dies or something."

Emily nodded at me and grabbed the plastic bag. She headed into the office, where we kept the insemination kit we ordered online, and came back out with a syringe. She smiled at me and I followed her into the bedroom.

"So... how do you want to do this?" Emily asked. She took the specimen cup out of the plastic bag and unscrewed the lid.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I headed towards the bed. I turned down the duvet and moved off all the extra pillows, leaving one for under my hips.

"Well," Emily started, trailing off slightly as she focused on filling up the syringe. "Do you want to have sex, or do you just want to get it over with?"

I cringed at the thought of having sex. Making a baby wasn't exactly a sexy thing, for me at least. It had been a while since I'd had sex with a man and I was still trying to come to grips with the idea that sperm was going to have to be inside me for a prolonged period of time for me to get pregnant. It made it a bit easier, knowing that it was Cook's sperm. We'd had sex before, many times, so that made it a bit easier. It definitely would have been much harder and much weirder if we'd used an anonymous donor and I had a stranger's sperm inside me...that would be very weird. It provided comfort, in a way, knowing it was Cook.

"I definitely don't want to have sex, but I do want to be close to you after it's over. I have to lay down for at least 20 minutes, so I guess we could cuddle and talk about what we want for the baby and how our day was and stuff like that," I said, pulling down my pants and underwear and getting onto the bed. Let's face it, there was absolutely no reason to be modest around Emily anymore.

Emily nodded, placing the syringe on our nightstand. She took off her light sweatshirt and climbed onto bed with me. She kissed me deeply, her lips and tongue gentle against my own.

She pulled away, kissing me once more. "Ready?" She whispered, reaching over onto our nightstand to grab the syringe. I nodded and closed my eyes.

Emily pulled away from me and sat between my knees. I felt her push the syringe into me and I felt her slowly inject the sperm inside me. I frowned.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked worriedly, as though she did it wrong. I shrugged and cringed again as Emily pushed more of the sperm inside me.

"It's just weird, that's all," I said, finally opening my eyes when I felt Emily take the syringe out of me. "Definitely not sexy."

Emily put the syringe back on the nightstand and laid next to me, cuddling into my side.

"How does it feel?" She asked, her fingers tracing patterns on my chest.

I blushed. "Well...it feels...you know...like I just had sex with a guy."

Emily shrugged. "I can't even remember the last time I had sex with a guy," She said as she pushed some hair behind my ear. "Can you?"

I nodded. Cook was my last, and it happened only two and a half weeks before I met Emily. In my defence, I was fucking wasted. I really didn't want to talk about this, since I sort of hadn't told Emily that Cook and I had sex and I wasn't sure if that was going to be a problem.

Thankfully, Emily let the subject drop, and we just laid together for a while. Emily put on her new favourite album, _Sigh No More_ by Mumford and Sons. The music relaxed me and helped me forget about what could potentially be happening inside me. Twenty minutes passed by fairly quickly, and Emily went into the kitchen to grab us some pizza.

"It's probably a bit cold," She said as she handed me three slices. "I gave you an extra slice because you were such a good sport."

I smiled at her and started eating. Emily brushed away pizza crumbs that lingered on my lips and kissed pizza sauce off my chin. After we were done eating and Emily loaded the dishwasher, we laid back down in bed and cuddled again. I think it started to dawn on us, that we'd shared a moment that could change the rest of our lives. I held on to her a bit tighter, half excited and half scared about what could happen now.

"Naoms?" Emily whispered, her voice thick and husky with sleepiness.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for doing this for our family. I love you."

"I love you too, darling."

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**Author's Note: Check out my tumblr at keeping-schtum (dot) tumblr (dot) com where you can ask me a question about the story :)**

**And _please_, don't forget to leave a review! They're really helpful and encouraging, so please let me know what you thought of the chapter - were you surprised by anything, did you find something funny, etc. I LOVE hearing your responses to my writing! **

**Thanks!**


	5. A Love

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for continuing to read this story and for the lovely reviews you've left me on previous chapters! I'm not sure if I'll be able to update this Sunday as I will be in ENGLAND - super excited about that! Hopefully I'll be able to write a bit on the flight and still be able to update on Sunday :)**

**As usual, I don't own/have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 5: A Love

_June 16__th__, 2013_

I woke up to the sound of my mobile ringing and vibrating on my nightstand. I groggily reached over and grabbed my phone, knocking over a bottle of water, my watch and a book in the process. It was only 6:30 in the morning and I hadn't slept properly last night. It was mostly because I ended up worrying about what would happen if I did get pregnant and all the things we would have to buy to get the flat ready for a baby. And also because I felt somewhat grossed out at the idea of having Cook's sperm inside me.

I checked the caller ID on the phone, finding it odd that Katie was calling me this early in the morning. I knew Katie pretty well, and I also knew that she rarely got up before 10 am, unless maybe somebody died or a nuclear bomb hit or she had to go to work.

"Hello?" I grumbled into the phone, pushing myself up to sit.

All I heard was happy screaming on the other end. I frowned and said hello again, a bit louder this time.

"WE'RE PREGNANT!" Effy screamed into the phone. "Come over, bring Ems and Libby we're making breakfast and partying without booze and drugs!"

I smiled brightly and shook Emily awake. "Congratulations! We'll be over in half an hour!" I said, squealing as I hung up and continued to shake Emily awake. She groaned and pushed my hand away.

"Naoms, _sleep,_" Emily said, staring up at me perplexedly.

"Effy's pregnant!" I practically screamed. "Get up, get up! We're going round to have breakfast and party! Get up!"

I practically jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Emily followed me in soon after and started doing the same. I applied a bit of makeup and rushed back into the bedroom to get dressed, choosing a pair of denim shorts and an old Nirvana t-shirt. I went into the kitchen and filled up Libby's food and water bowls.

"Libby!" I called, knowing she was probably still fast asleep in the office. She was so lazy, nothing could wake her up, not even the sounds of us frantically rushing around the flat to get ready. The only way to get her up and moving was if I called her and offered her food. Libby came into the room, a bit wobbly from sleep, laid down in front of her food bowl and started to eat.

"The laziness of that dog amazes me," I said as I ran into Emily, who was on her way into the kitchen while I was on my way to the office. Emily nodded and smiled.

"She's especially bad in the mornings. Where you going?" She asked, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back into the kitchen. I smiled at her and she pulled me closer to her. Her arms wrapped around my waist, tucking into my lower back before slowly moving lower and grabbing my ass.

"I wanted to grab some baby stuff I ordered online for Effy," I said, my voice turning low and almost husky.

"Mmm, what baby stuff?" Emily asked, her voice definitely husky and her eyes darker than usual. Her lips attached themselves to my neck, placing open mouthed kisses on my skin.

"Well, a documentary and a book about giving birth...what's got you all worked up this morning?" I whispered, tilting my head back to allow Emily better access to the skin of my neck. I whimpered as she started to suck on the delicate flesh. I bit my lip to contain my noisiness.

"I was just thinking...that could be us celebrating your pregnancy in two weeks. And then I started thinking about how hot you're gonna look when you're pregnant..." Emily whispered against my skin, trailing off as her hands worked back up my sides and boldly grabbed my breasts.

"Em, we don't have time. I told them we'd be over in half an hour," I said in a shaky voice. Emily sighed heavily and nodded before kneading my breasts one last time.

"Fine, you're right. But I certainly hope you'll be in the mood to pick things up where we left off tonight," Emily said. I let out a shaky breath and nodded at her.

I kissed Emily quickly before dashing into the office and grabbing Effy's book and DVD. I'd really bought it hoping that we would be able to share them, but since Effy got pregnant first it only seemed fair to just give them to her. I'd order another set for myself once I got pregnant.

When we finally got to Effy's, we all sat down to a happy, loud breakfast. We all toasted to Effy and the baby (or babies) with sparkling non-alcoholic sparkling cider. Effy cried when Katie made her toast, where she proclaimed to love Effy for eternity, no matter how many times they disagreed over how they would raise their children, no matter how unreasonable Effy would be during her pregnancy, and no matter how many times Katie would have to re-paint the nursery because Effy was so indecisive when it came to decorating.

"To the love of my life," Katie whispered as a lone tear fell down her cheek. Effy held back a sob and leaned over the table to kiss Katie. Emily grabbed my hand under the table and squeezed gently, her fingers playing with my engagement ring and wedding band. I knew what Emily was thinking; she was sending me the same unconditional love as Katie was sending to Effy.

We finished our breakfast, Katie and Effy talking about whether it was too early to start painting the nursery and decorating for the baby or babies. Katie argued that it was definitely too soon and they should wait to confirm Effy's pregnancy with their doctor and to find out whether Effy was having one baby or more.

"After all, Eff, it's possible that right now, you could be carrying up to six babies," Katie said, taking a sip of her tea as we all looked at her quizzically.

"Uh, Katie, last I checked Effy only had two embryos transferred," Emily said, shooting Katie a confused look.

Katie shrugged. "Yeah, that's true, but if we look at all the possibilities, she could be carrying up to six babies," Katie said as she walked to her desk and pulled out a notepad. "I worked it all out."

She handed Emily the notepad. Emily frowned and started counting on her fingers to try to follow Katie's logic. Katie sighed, exasperated with Emily's lacklustre attempts at maths.

"Okay, scenario one: Effy is only carrying one baby. Scenario two: Effy is carrying identical twins. Scenario three: Effy is carrying identical triplets. Scenario four: Effy is carrying fraternal twins. Scenario five: Effy is carrying two sets of identical triplets," Katie said as Effy frowned and became extremely pale.

"Are you trying to tell me that it is possible that I have six babies in my uterus right now?" Effy said, placing a hand on her stomach. She was obviously quite concerned.

"Well, it's possible, but also really unlikely, love," Katie said, reassuring Effy with a kiss on the cheek. "We're probably only having one."

Effy smiled, though I noticed she also gave a small sigh of relief. I would have been relieved too.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" I said as I quickly got up and ran to the front room where I put my handbag. I grabbed the book and DVD I brought for Effy and went back into the kitchen and handed them to her. "Here, I ordered these online for you. It's a book and DVD about birth and all that fun stuff."

Effy smiled and hugged me as Katie and Emily started clearing away the dishes from breakfast. "Do you want to watch it with me? Katie can't handle the idea of me giving birth, but I really want to be prepared," Effy asked, smiling up at me hopefully. I nodded. Effy grabbed my hand and dragged me into their living room.

The DVD was called "The Business of Being Born", and after Effy, Emily and I had finished watching it, we were completely changed women. Katie had refused to watch because she didn't want to think of Effy being in pain, so she went to the hardware store to get paint samples for the nursery. But the way the DVD addressed birth as more than just a process you have to go through to have a baby, and instead introduced us to the idea of birth being a feminist issue, I felt completely changed. The documentary advocated for home births and midwives, and only using ObGyns when the pregnancy was high-risk. It provided statistics about caesarean section rates and how they were skyrocketing, blaming the medical industry for making women feel as though they are incapable of giving birth naturally and at home. Effy turned to me as Emily shuffled over to the DVD player to turn it off.

"I want to have an at-home birth with a midwife," Effy said. I nodded at her, astonished by the way this one documentary shifted my thought patterns about birth and feminism.

"Me too," I said without thinking. Emily stiffened from where she was standing, but tried to pretend she didn't notice and continued to put the DVD back in its case. Effy looked at me quizzically, and I just shrugged. "I mean, if Emily and I decide to have kids, and if I decide to be the carrier, and if we find a donor and actually manage to get pregnant and everything...then yeah, I suppose I'd like to have an at-home birth with a midwife too."

I tried my best to play it cool, but Effy continued to stare at me with her all-knowing eyes and I desperately hoped that she would just let it drop. She smiled at me gently and asked Emily if she knew of any midwives. Emily shrugged.

"Not really. I could ask my mum, she might know of some. But I think you'd be better off asking Gina, don't you think, Naoms?" Emily came to sit next to me on the couch.

"I could always ask her," I replied, giving Effy a calm smile. "But maybe you should talk to Katie about it and get her to watch the documentary before we start finding you a midwife."

Effy nodded and yawned. "I think I'm going to take a nap. Being pregnant is making me dead tired all the time."

Emily and I nodded, hugging Effy goodbye and grabbing all our things, including Libby, who had been playing in Katie and Effy's backyard. It was already about 3 in the afternoon, and I knew I was supposed to pick up from Cook at 4 so we could inseminate again tonight.

Once we were out of Katie and Effy's house, I passed Libby's lead to Emily.

"You take Libby home and I'll make my way over to Cook's to pick up," I said, giving Emily a quick kiss before we parted ways.

The walk to Cook's flat was especially nice today since the weather was so nice. It seemed to make Cook's area seem like a nicer place to live than it actually was. I was a bit early, so I went into a pharmacy to buy some pregnancy tests, obviously not wanting to interrupt Cook while he was...doing the deed. I also bought a bottle of my favourite shampoo and a bottle of my conditioner because Emily had started using it as well, meaning that we used it up twice as quickly.

By the time I was finished up at the pharmacy, it was 5 minutes to 4 o'clock, which I figured was a safe time to make my way up to Cook's flat. I waited outside his apartment door for an extra three minutes, just to be sure I wouldn't be interrupting him before I knocked.

Cook answered the door and invited me in. I sat down at his rather crappy kitchen table, and Cook sat across from me.

"So, Naoms, how's it goin'?" Cook asked, smiling away as he poured me a glass of water.

"Not bad, how about you, Cookie? I hope you aren't regretting your decision to help me out," I said jokingly as he passed me the glass. He laughed.

"Trust me, Naoms, I'm not regretting my decision at all. I mean, at least now I know that my wanking is helping somebody out!"

I laughed, though Cook's face suddenly turned serious.

"I'd do this a million times over for you, Naomikins. I really fokin' love you, you know," He said quietly. He kept looking at me, not averting his gaze. I really felt it at that moment, that he really did love me, even if it was only as a friend.

"I love you too, Cook," I said, getting up and walking over to hug him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, protectively. That was the thing about Cook. You always knew that you would be safe and protected around him. He was fiercely loyal, and once he let someone see who he really was, once he let them in, he'd never lose them.

Cook sighed and pulled away from me, playfully messing up my hair. "Anyways, here's my deposit," He said, handing me a brown paper bag. "Now off you go to get pregnant."

I laughed and let myself out of his apartment. I certainly hoped I was off to go and get pregnant...and hopefully, Emily hadn't forgotten about our earlier abandoned plans.

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	6. A Dream

**Author's Note: Hi everybody! Sorry about the longer than usual wait for the next chapter, but (as some of you may know) I am currently in England and the first week has been a bit busy and crazy with settling in and whatnot...and by whatnot I mean stuff like seeing the Olympic torch relay and shopping and eating...lots of eating...and lots of drinking. As such, this update is shorter than usual, but I'm sure things will calm down next week and I'll be able to write more for Chapter 7! **

**Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter :)**

**As usual, I don't own/have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 6: A Dream

_June 30th, 2013_

"How long has it been?" Emily asked. She was leaning against the bathroom doorway, tapping her foot impatiently. We both stared intently at the pregnancy test lying on the counter in front of us.

"Weren't you supposed to be taking note of the time?" I asked, finally breaking eye contact with the test to look at Emily incredulously. I'd definitely asked her to keep track of time since I never wore a watch and Emily always did.

Emily bit her lip anxiously and shook her head. "I'm sorry, I just got too excited and forgot. I know it was my only job, I'm so sorry, Naoms," Emily apologized, walking over to me and grabbing my hand tightly. "I'm just so nervous."

"What do you mean?" I asked as I went back to staring at the pregnancy test.

"Well, if it's negative, I'm nervous about how we'll feel and react and whether Cook will want to continue doing this. And if it's positive, I'm nervous about how we'll explain things to my mum and whether Effy will be upset that we've stolen her spotlight. Not to mention once we actually have the baby, we'll be responsible for another human being and all that pressure."

I looked up at Emily, completely flabbergasted. Usually I was the one who was nervous and worrying constantly, coming up with contingency plans for worst case scenarios. To see Emily worrying about the future of our child and how having a child would affect not only our relationship, but also our relationships with our friends and family.

I squeezed Emily's hand reassuringly. "Em," I whispered, breaking her staring contest with the pregnancy test. "I know it's scary and nerve wracking, but the thing is...if I am pregnant, there's nothing we can do about it, so there's no point in worrying. And if I'm not pregnant, then we have more time to figure out how to handle all the things we're worried about right now."

Emily nodded at me and kissed me on the cheek. "I know, love...I suppose I'm overcompensating since you've been so calm about the pregnancy and you're normally the one to worry about all these things."

I nodded at her and pulled her right wrist towards me to check the time on her watch. I smiled slightly. "I think it's time to check the test."

Emily smiled at me and kissed me before we both lifted up the towel that was covering the pregnancy test. I picked the test up off the counter to read it.

Emily's smile fell at the same time mine did.

Negative.

I sighed and threw the test away in the trash bin. "Well...that's that," I said in a quiet voice, and turned to leave the bathroom. I walked past Emily, who was furrowing her brow and biting her lip at me, a sure sign that she was nervous and worried all over again.

She followed me into the living room and sat down next to me on the couch. I picked up my latest pregnancy-related book and continued reading from where I left off.

"Naomi," Emily whispered, taking the book away from me, but being careful to mark my page. "Maybe we should talk about this."

I shrugged at her. "There's nothing to talk about. I'm not pregnant and that's that. We can try again in two weeks."

Emily nodded and leaned into me. "I know that."

I wrapped my arms around Emily, and I knew that at that moment we were both thinking the exact same thing.

If Effy had managed to get pregnant so quickly, then why can't I get pregnant just as quickly? I knew Effy had hormones to help her, but surely I was more fertile than a woman who had premature ovarian failure. It was a horrible thing to think of at that moment, but I couldn't get it out of my head.

A while later, when I went back to reading my book, Emily brought over a small glass of white wine.

"Since you're not pregnant...a little bit can't hurt our chances that much," Emily said with a small smile as she passed me the glass. We both knew that alcohol decreased chances of getting pregnant, but I was starting to feel really down and emotional and I needed something to take the edge off.

Cook had called earlier, having known that we were planning on taking the pregnancy test today and Emily broke the news that we'd be trying again in two weeks. Cook asked to speak to me but I didn't want to talk. I knew I was being a miserable cow, but I really was hoping that we'd get pregnant quickly and just move on with the whole ordeal. Being sent right back to square one seemed so unfair.

I finally understood why people with fertility problems constantly talked about their desire to have children and how unfair it is that people who don't even want children can have them and yet, they can't. Even though we'd only been trying for one cycle, I still felt that same jealousy of straight couples who got pregnant completely by accident.

Later that night, Emily walked into the living room. She found me exactly where she left me – curled up in a blanket she'd brought me and reading my pregnancy book. She'd gone to bed about an hour earlier, and was in her baggy sweat pants and a tourist souvenir top from Paris.

"Darling," Emily said quietly as she came to snuggle up next to me. "It just isn't the same, to get into bed and not having you laying next to me. Even with Libby trying to steal your pillow and snore right next to me."

I pulled her closer to me and kissed the top of her head. "I suppose I should get to bed."

I put my book down on the coffee table and folded up the blanket Emily had draped over me. Em grabbed my hand and pointed to the clock.

"It's 11:11. Make a wish," She said with a small smile. I closed my eyes and wished hard, knowing that Emily and I were both wishing for the same thing; a beautiful, healthy baby to join our family.

Emily looked up at me and kissed me firmly, and I put all my hopes and dreams for our family into that kiss and hoped that she could feel it. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her tightly, returning my kiss just as passionately as I had.

"I love you, Naomi," she whispered. Her bottom lip began to quiver and a lone tear fell down her cheek. "I wish so badly that we could have a baby of our own. That I could get you pregnant. But I know that I can't, and really, it's okay, because I know that any child that is part of you will capture my heart just as quickly as you did."

I didn't know what to say so I kissed her again, and followed her into the bedroom. Emily undressed me as I cried, partly because I was so moved by what she'd just said, and partly because I was just starting to realize how difficult this was going to be. Not only was getting pregnant going to be difficult, but dealing with all the emotions that it brought to the surface would be difficult as well. I already felt jealous of Effy and was also a bit mad at Cook, since his sperm didn't manage to get me pregnant. Sometimes I felt like pushing Emily away, and other times I was unnecessarily clingy.

Emily slipped my nightshirt over my head and turned down the bed for me. Ever since we'd decided to try to get pregnant, Emily had decided that now she had to be the big spoon and I had to be the little spoon, even though she was shorter than me and I'd always been the big spoon before. We got into bed just as we usually did, with Emily pulling me in tightly to her and kissing the bare skin of my shoulder. Libby settled at our feet and immediately started snoring again.

"Soon we'll have our baby in here with us," Emily whispered against me. "I can feel it."

"I hope so, love," I whispered back. It was almost too big a wish to say too loudly, so I felt like I had to whisper it. "Goodnight, Em. Love you."

"Love you too, Naoms."

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	7. Lunch Dates

**Author's Note: Sorry I wasn't able to update on Sunday! I accidentally deleted the whole chapter I had written, and I couldn't retrieve it. I ended up having to re-write the whole thing, and so here I am on Tuesday, posting the update that should've been posted on Sunday... **

**Anyway, I hope you like the chapter! And thanks so much to those who have reviewed the previous chapters :)**

**As usual, I have nothing to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 7: Lunch Dates

_July 5th, 2013_

It was a dreary and muggy Friday morning that I usually wouldn't even be awake to see. But it was also the day of my monthly meeting on London for work and I was forced to wake up early to catch the train. Emily wasn't needed at work today, so she was going over to Katie and Effy's house to help Katie paint the nursery. Effy had decided that, for now at least, she wanted a colour that was gender-neutral. Once they found out the sex of the baby, they could add a few other things to match the baby's gender. Effy and Katie decided on a very pale yellow colour, so pale that it was almost white except for when the sun would hit it just right.

It had only been a week since I took the pregnancy test, so Emily and I still felt a bit upset about not being pregnant, but I was nowhere near as upset as I was a week ago. I was definitely improving. Emily had printed out articles for me to read about increasing fertility, but I hadn't touched them since she gave them to me. I didn't want to think about fertility or sperm count or anything of the sort during these next two weeks. I wanted to be completely relaxed, so that when we tried again I wouldn't be stressed and therefore decrease my chances of getting pregnant. I didn't even bring a pregnancy book to read with me on the train.

I texted Emily as the train pulled into the station in London, letting her know that I arrived safely. I finally got to the office after a thirty minute long commute on the tube stuck between sweaty and stinky people and was suddenly reminded of why I didn't live in London.

"Good morning, Naomi," the office receptionist, Jean, greeted me pleasantly. I smiled and stopped to chat with her for a bit. Jean was one of the nicest people in the office, which was saying something since most of the people I worked with were quite pleasant for Londoners.

However, I'd forgotten that Jean was also seven months pregnant and that I was going through a very jealous phase.

"How are things going?" I asked Jean with a tight smile as she leaned back in her chair and rubbed her belly.

"Well, Troy and I have decided to name the baby Mackenzie, after Troy's great grandmother. The nursery is almost finished, and Troy got a promotion at work..." Jean droned on for a while about how fabulous her husband was before frowning and asking me what was wrong.

"Oh, nothing. Just some stuff going on at home, but nothing to worry about," I said quickly, taking a few steps away from Jean's desk. I was already feeling jealousy seeping into my every pore from just speaking to a pregnant woman, and I knew I had to get away from her quickly before I said something I would regret. "Anyways, got to go, gonna be late for the meeting!"

Jean smiled and waved goodbye as I practically sprinted down the hallway.

The meeting, as I predicted, was as boring and uneventful as it usually was. It consisted of two hours of people pointing at things on charts and talking about marketing and ad revenue before finally reminding us of our ethical codes as reporters and journalists...basically reminding us that we were not working for News of the World and that we could not hack into anybody's phones to get a better news story.

Luckily, I only had to stay at the office for a half-day since my editor was on holiday and therefore was not there to yell at me for emailing her my articles at 3 in the morning on the day it's due.

I walked out of the building and turned my phone on. It immediately started vibrating in my hand. I checked the caller ID and saw that it was Cook.

"Hello, Cookie," I said cheerily as I walked towards the tube station.

"Naomikins, tonight you and me and Ems are gonna go out and get fucking mental!"

I sighed, but I also shrugged at the same time. Maybe going out and getting fucked was a good option right now. It'd take my mind off things that were stressing me out, it'd get bonus points with Em since we hardly ever manage to get out of the house anymore, and it'd allow me to keep an eye on Cook and make sure he didn't shag a disease-ridden whore. Really, everybody would win.

"Alright, meet at our place at 10, and then we'll call a cab and go to the club," I said. Cook laughed and yelled in delight before hanging up the phone.

I walked into the tube station, swiped my oyster card, and instead of getting on the line that would take me straight to Paddington station to catch the train home, I went in the opposite direction. I did this every time I was in London.

I walked into a swanky restaurant in Soho and smiled warmly at the hostess, who recognized me immediately.

"She's already here, Miss Fitch-Campbell," the hostess said as she grabbed a menu and lead me to a secluded table in the back of the restaurant.

She was already sitting at the table, sipping a glass of white wine and browsing the menu, even though we always ordered the same thing when we came here for our monthly get togethers. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a chignon, her pouty lips so unlike mine were pursed gently as she read through the menu.

"Hi, Nat," I said, reaching over the menu and hugging her warmly. Nat's light blue eyes exactly like my own lit up when she saw me.

"Hey, Naoms," Natalie replied, squeezing me just as tightly. "Sit down, sit down, I want to hear all your news."

I shook my head at her as I sat down and spread the cloth napkin over my lap. "I'll tell you all about me as soon as you fill me in," I said. Natalie became tense, sensing what I was going to ask her next. "How's dad?"

Natalie shrugged and nervously folded and re-folded her napkin on her lap. "Not so well, Naoms. I mean, there are good days and bad days. Sometimes he asks about you, and sometimes he can't remember his own name."

I nodded at her and sighed. Natalie was technically my half-sister. She reached out to me three years ago after finding out about her father's illicit affair with my hippie mother that resulted in, well, me. I had been too stubborn to meet my father, but I was perfectly happy to get to know Natalie. She was a pleasant and lovely woman. She was three years older than me and worked and lived in London. She was happily single, or so she said, and loved her job as a real estate agent. She says she's a real estate agent, but ever since our father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, Nat took over his agency and is technically CEO of the company. But Natalie is a humble woman and introduces herself as a real estate agent.

"I just wish you had a chance to get to know him properly when we were kids. We could've grown up together and been best friends, just like any other sisters were," Natalie said with a smile. I smiled with her. Now that my father was sick and unable to remember me most of the time, I was starting to wonder if I really had missed out by not having any contact with him. But this brought up a question that had been plaguing my mind over the past few weeks - would my child miss out because they didn't have a father figure in their lives?

"Maybe you should come visit him sometime, Naoms," Natalie suggested, munching quietly on the salad she ordered before I arrived. "Bring Emily. I'm sure they'd be happy to meet each other."

Except Emily didn't know that I knew who my father was and Emily also didn't know about my secret meetings with my sister. Emily didn't even know that my sister existed. So I doubted that they were going to meet any time soon.

I shrugged. "Emily's pretty busy right now. She started a new job working at a wedding and events business and she's just starting to settle in. I'm not sure she'd have the time to make the trip," I lied. Natalie nodded, looking down at her plate of food. I knew she could tell I was lying.

"Sorry, Naoms. I shouldn't have brought it up. You have to come to that decision on your own, I can't force it on you."

I smiled, grateful that Natalie understood how difficult the situation was for me at the moment. "Someday, Nat, we'll all sit down together to have dinner as a family. I promise. I'll get there eventually."

Nat nodded and smiled at me. "Okay, Naoms, now it's your turn to tell me your news. You promised!"

I sighed playfully. "Well, I'm not supposed to be talking to anyone about this, but you're my sister..." I teased as Natalie bounced excitedly in her seat. "Emily and I are trying for a baby."

Natalie squealed and almost knocked our plates and glasses off the table, as she hopped up and squeezed me tightly. "I'm so excited for you two, Naomi! How long have you been trying? Who's your donor? Are you pregnant now? _Could_ you be pregnant now? Where's the nursery going to be? Can I help you decorate? Oh my god, I'm going to be an _auntie!_"

I laughed as Natalie continued to hug me and shake me and squeal things in my ear. When I finally managed to get her to sit back down and act like a normal person again, I explained everything to her.

"We've been trying for one month. I took the test last week and it was negative, so no I'm not pregnant and there is no chance I could be pregnant right now. Cook, my best friend, is our donor. He's a really nice guy – a bit rough around the edges, but his heart is good as gold. The nursery is going to be Katie and Effy's old room in our flat, and yes, you can help us decorate if you like. And yes, you're going to be our baby's Auntie Nat," I smiled brightly at Natalie as a few tears escaped her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you last month, I just didn't want to jinx anything. You're the only person who knows we're trying."

Natalie nodded and her face became somber. "I'm sorry you're not pregnant, Naoms. I can't understand what you're going through, but I know how hard it must be on you, to be under all this stress."

I nodded. It really had been a lot of pressure and stress, and I think that could have had something to do with why I didn't get pregnant. But I felt so relieved to tell Nat about Emily and I trying to conceive. It took off a bit of that pressure, and it relieved a bit of that stress. I know I should have been talking to Emily about all this stuff, but she'd been worrying so much lately it just seemed easier to talk to Nat about it. I felt as though I couldn't talk to Emily about my concerns anymore, since I was so scared that she would blow things out of proportion and make me even more stressed than I already was. Plus, considering Emily's new job and the amount of stress she was under, as well as the self-inflicted stress of her constantly worrying about me, I didn't want to be any more of a burden than I already was. It ended up being that we hardly talked about anything related to us trying to conceive unless it was absolutely necessary. We stopped talking about how we felt about things, we stopped talking about how excited we were for us and for Katie and Effy. Our conversations were reduced to almost nothing. It was a never ending cycle of stress and lack of communication, which caused both of us even more stress.

But I wouldn't talk to Nat about that. She didn't know Emily and it would have been unfair to talk about Em behind her back that way.

Lunch took about two hours, which was unusually long, but I was happy to spend the time with Nat and finally have somebody to talk to. By the time I got back home it was about 5 o'clock, and Emily was sitting on the couch waiting for me. As soon as I walked in the door, Emily sprung up off the couch and walked over to me rather quickly.

"I've been calling you and calling you and you haven't answered your phone! You didn't text me to tell me where you were! I've been worried _sick!_" Emily yelled, pushing me against the wall. Her eyes were filled with fury and worry, but also relief. "I phoned your mum, I phoned Effy, I phoned Katie, I phoned my mum, I phoned Cook, I phoned everybody I could possibly think of!"

Emily smacked my arm with every name she mentioned. She was getting more and more upset, and had worked herself up so much she was crying. I grabbed Emily's hands and pulled her into me.

"Em, I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry. I turned off my phone when I was on the train because I felt tired and I had a nap. I'm so sorry, love, I'm so sorry," I said as I held Emily tightly. She cried into my shoulder and kept trying to hit me, but I held her so tightly it was impossible.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Naomi Fitch-Campbell! I got so worried about you," Emily sobbed.

It was starting to seem as though Emily wasn't upset only about my lack of communication with her, so I pulled her away from me and examined her closely. She was wearing her painting clothes, and had little splatters of yellowish-whitish paint on her overalls. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, and her mascara was streaming down her face. There was nothing seemingly out of place about her, but I knew there was something else going on.

"Em," I whispered as soon as Emily started to calm down and stopped sobbing. "What happened?"

Emily looked up at me and her eyes filled up with tears all over again. "I'm late," she whispered. I frowned at her in confusion. "I got nervous and thought maybe I messed something up or I spilled some of Cook's sperm or I got it on my fingers or something and maybe I got pregnant. So I took a test, and it was negative."

I nodded at her, though I was still frowning. "I don't understand, Em. You'll probably get your period in a few days."

Emily nodded at me. "I know, I know, I'm being silly. It's just that normally you and I are synced up and you finished two days ago and I haven't even started," Emily said, wiping the few stray tears that fell down her cheeks. "I just..."

And suddenly it all clicked. Emily's anxieties about suffering from premature ovarian failure just like Katie had all come to the surface. I hugged Emily close to me and just let her cry. I was sure that Emily didn't actually have premature ovarian failure at all. She had been exceptionally stressed over the past month, which was probably why she was late.

About an hour and two cups of tea later, Emily was back to her usual self. She had apologized profusely for overreacting like she did, but I refused to accept her apology. She shouldn't have to apologize for the way she feels, and I told her just that.

"Em, I know it's not the best idea, but Cook asked us to go out tonight. Would you like to go?"

Emily shrugged and smiled. "It can't hurt, can it? I feel a lot better, and we deserve a night out."

I felt so relieved that Emily had agreed to go. It seemed as though things were finally on their way to being normal again – Emily communicated her fears about being late, and that was huge progress for us, considering we'd barely managed to speak about anything serious for the past two weeks. I beamed at Emily as we began to get ready – maybe this was just what we needed. A night out to get us relaxed and communicating again. I hoped that this night would do the trick.

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	8. Believer

**Author's Note: So it's Sunday and I'm back to my regular updating schedule, yay! I didn't get nearly as many reviews as usual on the last chapter, but I'm hoping that will change with this chapter - any type of feedback is better than no feedback, guys! Please do leave me a review and let me know what you thought. It makes it much easier for me to write, as knowing your reaction to the last chapter really is a great help.**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 8: Believer

_July 5th, 2013_

"Who wants to PARTY?" Cook yelled as he let himself into our apartment. Libby barked her head off and ran towards him, jumping all over his legs. Cook laughed and ran around the apartment while Libby chased him with her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth, occasionally biting at his ankles excitedly. Libby loved Cook. Emily and I were considerably low-key, so Libby loved anybody who was crazy and loud and exciting.

Emily walked out of the bedroom, looking absolutely stunning in black jeans, pumps, and a loose coral sleeveless shirt. Underneath she wore a black crop top, which you could only see when the light would hit it a certain way. Her engagement ring and wedding band accented her hand perfectly, and were the only jewelry Emily had decided to wear that night.

"I just want everybody to know I'm married and that you're _mine_," Emily had said as she slid her engagement ring on her finger while we were getting ready. She grabbed my engagement ring and slipped it onto my finger as well. Normally, we only wore our wedding bands for day-to-day things and saved our engagement rings for special occasions only. "We should really start wearing these every day, don't you think, darling?"

I looked down at the rings on our fingers. Mine was a simple thin gold band, with a two carat diamond. Emily's was a white gold band with diamonds around the outside, a sapphire centre with diamonds around that as well. The rings suited both of us so well – simple and timeless and yet uniquely our own.

"I think we should, too," I replied, moving my hand to let the diamond catch the light. "They're both such gorgeous rings it's a shame not to wear them all the time."

Emily smiled and nodded and put her hand around my stomach. "Hopefully your fingers won't swell up too much when you're pregnant, so you can still wear your rings."

"Ready to go?" Emily asked, waking me from my day dream and reminding me that Cook was in the room. She walked over to me and dropped a loving kiss on my bare shoulder, revealed by my strapless top.

"Come on, lezzers, the Cookie Monster doesn't want to wait all day," Cook said as Libby ran around him in circles. Emily grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the door.

I crouched down in front of Libby, who was now stoic and whining since she realized that we were going out. "Libby, be a good girl and don't let any burglars in," I said as I pulled her over to me and kissed the top of her head.

"And don't set the house on fire," Emily added jokingly as she grabbed the keys and ushered me out of the door.

We hailed a taxi to take us to the club, and when we arrived the place was absolutely packed. There wasn't a single inch of free space within the entire club. The room was consumed with drinkers and dancers. Loud house music filled the room and vibrated the floors. Cook smiled as soon as we got in, breathing the scent of alcohol and sweat in as though it was his favourite smell in the world. Emily scrunched up her face and buried her head into my neck so she wouldn't have to breathe it in. I smiled a bit at that – we'd both turned into such homebodies since we got married. Being out in a club was very different for the both of us, and I have to admit, reluctantly, that I sort of missed being at home.

Normally Emily and I would spend our Friday nights ordering a take away, watching a movie, and making love. It was how we liked to unwind from our work week. Before I met Emily, I used to unwind from my work week by going out with Cook and getting absolutely trashed. But Emily changed me, probably for the better, and I wasn't sure that I belonged in this place anymore. It was a bit like visiting the home you grew up in – you realize that everything about the house is the same, but you no longer belong there, you don't fit there. And the even scarier thought is not that the house has changed, but that you have changed enough to feel as though you don't belong in a place that you once felt comfortable in. You changed without even realizing it.

It was a scary and unusual feeling for me to be experiencing in the middle of the club, but as I looked at Emily who was wearily glancing around us at the throbbing mass of dancing bodies in the middle of the club, I knew she was experiencing the same feeling. Emily looked up at me with her big brown eyes, looking scared and overwhelmed.

"I miss home," She whispered in my ear, placing a kiss on my neck gently. I nodded at her and shrugged.

"We're here now," I said as we walked slowly over to the bar. "Might as well make the most of it."

Emily got pushed away from me on our way to the bar, so she grabbed onto the belt loop of my jeans and followed me. Cook was tugging me along towards the bar, much like Libby did when I would take her for a walk.

"First round's on me, ladies!" Cook said as we finally got to the bar. He tried to get the bartenders attention, but the big muscly man was far too busy impressing lots of hot women.

"Cook, get out the way," Emily whispered as she pushed Cook away from the bar. She grabbed my ass and pushed us both forward so we were standing right against the countertop. Emily looked down at her breasts and pushed them up, making her cleavage quite impressive (not that it wasn't already). Emily looked at me and quirked her eyebrow before looking down at my own breasts. I got the hint and did the same. Emily cleared her throat to try to get the bartender's attention, and I dutifully played my part by wrapping my arms around Emily's waist and basically draping myself all over her.

"Excuse me," Emily called, making her voice sound more husky than usual. The bartender practically dropped the bottle of vodka he was pouring shots from and he hastily made his way over to us.

"What can I get for you ladies?" He replied, eying us up and down suggestively. I had to hold back a gag.

"Twelve shots of tequila please," Emily said with a sly smile as she started playing with the hem of my top, lifting it up slightly and revealing a bit of my stomach and my hip. The bartender poured our shots and charged us half price for them.

Emily walked away from the bar triumphantly, carrying the tray of shots towards the table that Cook had found. "It's nice to know I can still get cheap drinks," Emily said as she handed out four shots to each of us. "And it's also nice to know that Cook can still manage to get out of paying for drinks at all."

Cook humphed and said that he'd get the next round. Emily shook her head as she took her first shot, closely followed by her second, third, and final shot.

"Jeez, Em, take it easy," I said, my shot glass still sat in front of me on the table. Emily shrugged and handed me a salt shaker and lime slices. She grabbed my wrist and licked it, sending goosebumps up my arm and all over my chest. She grabbed the salt shaker and coated the area she licked with salt.

"Bottoms up, sexy," she whispered seductively in my ear.

I licked the salt off my wrist, took my shot of tequila, and quickly bit into the lime Emily put between my teeth. I shivered as she leaned into my neck and started kissing and licking the sensitive skin there. The shots she'd done had obviously already taken effect – Drunk Emily was also known as Horny-As-Fuck Emily.

I finished off the rest of my shots, which was quite miraculous considering Emily had continued to kiss my neck the whole time. As soon as I put my last shot glass down, Emily grabbed my hand and dragged me to the dance floor. For somebody who didn't want to be here 30 minutes ago, it seemed as though she certainly wanted to be here now.

Cook was already off dancing with a girl who looked as though she rolled around in a bag of doritos and forgot to put any proper clothes on. Emily pulled me straight into the centre of the dance floor where the beat was surging right through us. I pulled her into me, her back against my chest, and we danced together for what seemed like hours while our buzz lasted. Cook came over to dance with us a few times, claiming he had to get away from all the women who wanted to shag him so he could stay STD-free for our inseminations. Needless to say, that thought sobered all of us up pretty quickly and we ended up leaving the club after only two hours.

We hailed another cab and went back to our apartment and were home by 12:15.

"What a waste of a night," Cook said as we unlocked the front door. Libby ran over to us and barked and yapped and bit Cook's toes in her excitement.

"I feel old," Emily said as she took her shoes off and placed them in the closet. "My back aches from all that dancing and I have a headache from those tequila shots."

"I fucking hate tequila," I mumbled as I walked over to the couch with Cook. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we sat down next to each other, both putting our feet up on the coffee table and sighing in relief.

"It's no fun going out if you can't shag anyone," Cook pouted. Emily went into the kitchen to make us some tea and Cook turned on the TV to watch crappy late-night shows. Libby jumped on me and winded me, a tennis ball in her mouth as she panted with excitement. I half-heartedly threw the ball for her and apparently did such a bad job that Libby just gave me a displeased look before completely ignoring the tennis ball and walking into the kitchen to bother Emily.

"You've really got it sorted out, haven't you, Naoms?" Cook whispered. I hadn't noticed that he'd been staring at me while I absentmindedly played with my wedding band and engagement ring. "Like, a proper family and that."

I smiled and shrugged. "You're part of my family, Cookie," I said as I snuggled into his side and kissed his cheek. He sighed heavily and drew patterns on my shoulder as we watched crappy TV. Emily brought over our cups of tea and sat down next to me. She leaned into me gently, and kissed the top of my arm before sighing.

"I'm going to go and get ready for bed," she said quietly, kissing me on the lips before wandering into our bedroom and shutting the door. I stared after her, wondering what had changed so suddenly, wondering why she seemed to be so sad.

I felt helpless. Something about Emily was off and out of place and I wondered what had happened to the free and spontaneous woman that was kissing me and dancing with me in the club. As soon as we came home, she completely shifted and turned into the Emily that didn't talk to me about things, didn't want to make love to me anymore and only touched me when she had to. I knew she was stressed out about a lot of things and I knew her life was changing right before her eyes, but I felt the same way she felt. I just wanted to go into that bedroom and ask her what was wrong and talk things through, but something held me back. Something was telling me that this was bigger than a fear about having children, or stress at work, or even stress within our own relationship. Emily was slowly retreating back to the woman who kept secrets from me, and didn't tell me about her rape or her fears about being a good parent after she'd been forced to have an abortion.

I was too scared to speak to my own wife because I was too afraid of what she could be hiding this time.

So I slept next to Cook on the couch and cried into his shirt. Cook woke up and comforted me and didn't ask any questions. Cook was easy. He knew me, inside and out. He didn't try to keep secrets from me. He was willing to give up his lifestyle to give Emily and I the family we so desperately wanted. He had always been there for me, even when Effy and Freddie were in their mess of a relationship and my best friend had deserted me for a while. Cook was there. Cook would always love me. Cook would never leave me.

So when Cook kissed me while he was comforting me in a completely natural reflex reaction, I didn't feel nervous or worried about what that meant. I knew it was just Cook doing what he felt was natural in that situation, the same way you would kiss a child's scrape after they'd fallen down. He didn't say a word after it happened, and he didn't tense up and I didn't either.

It didn't mean anything.

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	9. Walking

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for all the amazing reviews on the previous chapters! I figured since you guys have been so awesome lately, I'll work extra hard and write extra fast and get out a bonus!update this week :) I'm slowly working on replying to reviews, starting with reviews left on the last chapter so if you left a review, you've either heard from me already or are about to hear from me soon!**

**Also, I keep forgetting to mention that the titles of the chapters are also song titles, so for this chapter give _Walking_ by the Dodos a listen if you like. Last chapter was _Believer_ by Susanna and the Magical Orchestra :)**

**As usual, I don't own Skins.**

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Chapter 9: Walking

_July 6th, 2013_

I woke up that morning wrapped up in Cook's arms on the couch. I could feel how red and swollen my eyes were from crying myself to sleep last night as they were stinging pretty badly. The house was completely silent. Everybody was still asleep. I kissed Cook on the cheek and unwrapped myself from within his arms, a practice I was pretty used to. Cook and I always used to fall asleep together, and oddly enough, we'd both be there in the morning. We were the two people you'd least expect to hang around after sleeping with each other – Cook ran from anything that could bring him happiness, and I used to run from pretty much anything that resembled a relationship. But nonetheless, we would wake up in each other's arms every morning after we had been together.

I walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face and brushed my teeth. I walked into the bedroom and watched Emily as she slept. She usually slept facing the bureau, because I slept facing that way and Emily had become the big spoon lately. But that night, Emily slept facing the window, the completely opposite direction. Libby was on my side of the bed, sprawled out on her back and snoring. I walked over to the bed and pushed Libby to the side, climbing in behind Emily. I wrapped my arms around her. Part of her back was revealed by her camisole, and I kissed her skin gently and softly, hoping not to wake her up.

"I'm scared," I whispered against her skin, breathing in a smell that was uniquely Emily. "I'm scared for us. You're scaring me. I'm scaring me."

I kissed the skin of Emily's back again, and brushed her hair away from her neck. "I'm so scared, Em."

I laid there for a while longer, just breathing Emily in and kissing her skin as gently as possible. Eventually, I climbed back out of bed and got dressed, putting on leggings and a baggy jumper. I grabbed the house keys and snuck out as quietly as I possibly could.

I walked to my mum's house, knowing that she'd be awake and she'd know just what to tell me about Emily.

I walked up to the front door and knocked gently. I heard rustling from the kitchen and tired feet drag towards the front door.

"Hi, Mum," I said as my mum opened the door and looked at me in surprise. She didn't say anything but opened the door wider, inviting me in.

"Where's Kieran?" I asked. I followed Mum into the kitchen, where I heard the kettle boiling.

"He's visiting family for the weekend," my mum answered as she pulled an extra mug from the cupboard and started making me a cup of tea. "I don't mean to be offensive, love, but you look like shit."

I nodded at her and felt my eyes well up. "I feel like shit, mum."

My mum turned around and noticed that I was crying, and rushed over to me with a concerned look on her face. She smoothed my hair away from my forehead and brushed away my tears. "Naomi, what's wrong, love?"

I grabbed mum by the waist and pulled her closer to me, burying my face in her robe as I cried like an absolute baby. "It's Em, she's keeping secrets again," I cried as my mum continued to smooth my hair back. "I'm terrified of what she's not telling me."

I felt my mum sigh heavily. "You have to start from the beginning here, darling."

So I told her everything. About how we wanted to start a family, about us choosing to use Cook as our donor, about Katie and Effy getting pregnant so quickly, and I even told her about last night and how Cook comforted me and kissed me.

After I was finished, Mum sat at the table for a few minutes in silence, staring at her hands and frowning.

"What is it?" I asked when mum finally looked up at me. Her eyes looked sad and worried.

"It's Cook. I know we don't usually talk about this, Naoms, but you and Cook had more than just a 'thing' as you liked to call it. You slept with each other for two years! I know you never labeled it or anything, but you two slept exclusively with each other for two years. That's something," my mum said as she continued to frown and stare at her hands.

"What's your point, mum?" I asked, feeling completely out of the loop. "Cook and I were just friends who had sex."

My mum shook her head and her frown got even deeper. "I never told you this before, Naoms, but you really need to know. I just didn't think it would be a problem and you were so happy with Emily, I didn't think anything would come of it," my mum said, mumbling a bit to herself. She looked up finally, directly at me. "When you left for Toronto around Christmastime, you know, just before you met Emily, Cook showed up here late that night. He was drunk and I'd never seen him so upset. He said he didn't know what to do, that he loved you but you didn't love him back. I told him that he had to talk to you about how he felt, and that you two would hopefully work things out.

"Then when you were coming home and you got stuck in Paris, as soon as Cook found out he almost drove all the way to London to catch a ferry to France and bring you back home. He missed you so much. I had to stop him and tell him you were already on your way, but I didn't mention Emily."

"And then I came home with Emily on my arm," I said, my eyes wide and my mind racing. My mum nodded at me and squeezed my shoulder tightly.

"He was heartbroken, Naoms."

I nodded and buried my head in my hands. "I just need a minute to think."

I couldn't say that I was completely shocked by what my mum had just told me. I always knew Cook cared for me, and even loved me, but I never thought it was anything more than friendship. I found myself looking back on the past 5 years of my life and wondering 'what if?' What if Cook and I had managed to sort everything out before I met Emily? What if I had been dating Cook when I met Emily? Would it have changed anything? Would I be married to Cook now instead of being married to Emily?

Would I have been happier with Cook?

Would I even be friends with Emily?

Would Cook and I have a child of our own by now?

The questions plagued my mind and soared before my eyes. My brain answered each question with a mental picture, each scenario that had shaped my life over the past few years changed. Instead of proposing to Emily on that bridge in France, I saw Cook proposing to me on the bridge. Instead of exchanging rings with Emily, I was vowing to be with Cook for the rest of my life. I saw myself holding a baby with striking blue eyes and blonde hair, and handing her to Cook, who smiled at her as though she was the most precious thing in the world before he leaned over to kiss me.

My mum rubbed my back gently, and I didn't move.

"This hasn't helped me at all, mum," I mumbled into my hands. My mum sighed and rubbed my back.

"I'm sorry, love. You needed to know."

I spent an hour at my mum's kitchen table with my head buried in my hands, trying to process everything that was going through my head. I felt completely lost. I still had no clue what Emily was hiding from me, but now I knew that Cook had also been hiding his feelings from me. It just made everything ten times more confusing.

"What are you going to do?" My mum asked as I got up and gathered my things. I shrugged.

"It all depends," I mumbled as I slipped my cell phone and house keys into my pocket.

"On what?" Mum probed as she loaded the dishwasher.

"I don't know yet," I mumbled. Mum hugged me and lead me to the front door, wishing me good luck as I walked back home.

I wasn't sure what I had to deal with first. Cook would probably still be at the apartment when I got home, but I couldn't really have a conversation about his feelings for me with him while Emily was still at home. But then again, I couldn't confront Emily about her keeping secrets from me while Cook was in the apartment. And even more importantly, I had to be very careful with what I said to Cook – I needed him to still want to be our donor. I needed that more than anything now. I couldn't handle another change in plans right now.

I walked into the apartment, an eerie silence washing over me. I looked towards the couch and noticed that Cook wasn't there anymore. There was a rumpled piece of scrap paper on the coffee table. I locked the door behind me and went to sit on the couch, picking up the scrap piece of paper and reading the messily scrawled note.

_Naomikins,_

_ Went home to shower. Ems is still asleep. Phone me later and let me know when you want me to jerk off in a cup for you. I think you said next weekend, but I can't remember for sure._

_ Love,_

_ James_

Cook was right – the next insemination was supposed to be next weekend. It just put more pressure on me to get everything resolved quickly. I really didn't want to have to postpone getting pregnant because of things that were going on between Emily and I, or things that were going on between Cook and I.

I heard light footsteps padding against the floor behind me and crumpled the note up.

"Good morning," Emily whispered. I heard her groan as she stretched. "What's that?"

I looked up and saw Emily pointing at the crumpled piece of paper in my hands.

"Oh...just a note from Cook saying he left and asking when the next insemination is," I replied, getting up from the couch and tossing the note in the bin.

"Oh," Emily replied, trailing off as she walked into the kitchen. I heard the kettle start to rumble, and I knew then that I couldn't put this off any longer.

"Em," I called as I followed her into the kitchen. Emily was facing the kettle, her hands gripping the countertop tightly, her back tense. "We need to talk."

She turned to face me, spinning round quickly. "Yeah, we really do."

I was shocked, but happy. Emily was finally ready to come clean and talk to me about what was going on with her.

"I saw you last night," She said, her voice short and angry.

I frowned. What did she mean?

"Don't play fucking stupid with me, Naomi, you know what you did just as much as I do."

I frowned at her and shook my head. "I really don't know what you mean, Em."

"You kissed Cook!" She exploded. Her face was bright red with her rage, her eyes wide and furious, and her body language was telling me to stay the fuck away from her.

I suppose laughing at that moment was a bad idea. Emily practically growled at me.

"No, no, Em! Cook was just comforting me!"

"With his lips?"

I frowned. "It was just a kiss between two friends. It didn't mean anything to me."

I made sure to add in the "to me" bit. I wasn't sure what it meant to Cook anymore.

"Fine, what was he comforting you for then?" Emily asked, folding her arms across her chest and tapping her foot angrily.

"I was upset about us," I replied completely honestly. This time, Emily frowned. "You're hiding something from me, Emily."

Emily stiffened and rolled her eyes. "For fuck's sake, Naoms, we went through this with Dr. Greene. I am not hiding anything from you. You're being paranoid again."

I walked over to Emily, taking two tentative steps closer to her before I sensed I shouldn't go any closer. I didn't want to make her feel trapped by me.

"Dr. Greene also said I should trust my instincts when it comes to you. I know something's up."

The kettle boiled and Emily turned her back to me, busying herself by making a cup of tea.

"Em, please, can't we talk about this?" I begged, walking behind Emily and grabbing her hips gently. I kissed her shoulder and felt Emily immediately stiffen beneath me.

"Do you think you can just fuck off, please?" Emily replied through gritted teeth. I stepped away from her right away, hurt by her tone of voice and her word choice. Emily had never told me to fuck off before. Emily barely even swore at me when she was angry. I'd never seen her act this way before, and now I was even more scared than I was before. I knew Emily would never hurt me or raise a hand to me, but I knew she had the power to hurt me much worse than any physical mark.

"Ok," I whispered, my voice cracking.

I walked out of the kitchen and went into our bedroom to make the bed. After I finished doing that, I went into the office and organized the bookshelves.

And then I logged onto the computer and made an online appointment with Dr. Greene, making sure to forward the confirmation email to Emily.

I wasn't going to let her push me away like this. Not again. Never again.

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	10. Let Down

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I think I replied to every single review :)**

**The title of this chapter is after the song _Let Down_ by Radiohead. I recommend listening to the song while reading the chapter.**

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 10: Let Down

_July 9th, 2013_

I waited outside Dr. Greene's office for Emily, who had promised to meet me ten minutes ago so we wouldn't be late for our appointment. I twirled my watch around my wrist and sighed, feeling anxious about what would happen during the appointment and also disappointed that Emily hadn't stuck to her word and arrived on time.

Emily walked in just as Dr. Greene was greeting me. She didn't look out of breath or as though she was worried about being late. She pulled her sunglasses onto the top of her head, pushing her hair away from her face. She was dressed in a pair of black linen pants and a belted striped top. Ever since she'd gotten the new job working with Stacey at her events business, Emily started dressing in a more business casual manner than she had before as a freelance makeup artist.

Dr. Greene smiled warmly at Emily and invited us into her office. We sat down in our usual spots, but it felt obvious that things had changed. We had sat in here on a weekly basis at the exact same time last year and supposedly worked through most of our issues, and now we were back again.

"So, I have to just get right to it and ask – what's going on between you two?" Dr. Greene asked, frowning as she pulled out her notepad and pen. "Your body language is completely different."

Emily nodded and looked at me quickly before looking back at Dr. Greene. "We're going through...I don't know...a rough patch I suppose."

"When did this start?" Dr. Greene asked, immediately beginning to take notes.

"About two weeks ago," I responded. Dr. Greene nodded and mumbled 'good' under her breath.

"Well, I'm glad you two didn't wait to come in. You both know how important it is to deal with issues that arise in your relationship, and if you can't do it between the two of you then you will always be welcome here."

Emily nodded. "We've been trying to conceive. Naomi wants to be the carrier and we found a donor. We started trying about a month ago. Two weeks ago, we took a test and it came back negative. Ever since then, we've had trouble communicating with each other."

Dr. Greene looked to me for confirmation and I nodded. "But I don't think it's solely an issue of communication anymore. I think Emily is hiding something from me, which I suppose is an issue in communication, but it's stemming from the stress of trying to get pregnant."

"And I saw Naomi kissing our sperm donor on Friday night," Emily added, throwing me a dirty look.

"And Emily told me to fuck off for the first time on Saturday, and on Friday afternoon she worked herself up so much that she was almost in hysterics because I turned my cell phone off on the train and she didn't have a way to contact me."

Dr Greene was frantically writing and nodding with each of our points. Just as Emily was about to speak after shooting me a dirty look, Dr. Greene raised her hand to silence the both of us.

"Okay, we have a lot of work to do here and a lot of things to talk about. Primarily, Naomi, let's talk about the kiss."

I sighed and nodded. "The sperm donor is my best friend. I was crying because of all the things going on between Emily and I and he kissed me, no tongue or anything, just a friendly kiss to comfort me. It meant nothing to either of us. He was just being my friend."

Emily scoffed and crossed her arms in front of her. "Yeah, but she doesn't mention that they've had a relationship before."

I was shocked. I didn't remember telling her about Cook and I. "How the hell did you know about that?"

"Effy let it slip one day during lunch. I didn't think anything of it until now! How am I supposed to trust you with him if you had a relationship with him?" Emily asked.

"But it wasn't a relationship!" I exclaimed, exasperated that we were focusing so much on that one stupid kiss. "We had sex! I never went on a date with him. I don't think we had sex sober even once! I had no feelings for him, other than knowing that he was good in bed."

Dr Greene interrupted just as Emily was about to cut in again. "How long did the sexual relationship between you and your best friend last?"

I tensed up slightly and looked down at my hands. "About two years."

"And when was your last sexual encounter with him?"

"About a year and a half ago," I reluctantly admitted. I watched as Emily did the mental math and turned bright red.

"You were with Cook while you were with me?" She exclaimed, startling Dr. Greene.

"No! No! It was right before I left for Toronto. I haven't been with anyone apart from you since I met you," I said as calmly as I possibly could. Emily crossed her arms and refused to look at me.

"Emily," Dr Greene said, basically demanding that Emily looked at her. "What stage are you at right now?"

I frowned, completely confused at the turn in the conversation. Emily frowned as well, but in a more disappointed way.

"I don't know. I feel completely out of control of my life. I feel betrayed and hurt and confused," Emily replied as her eyes filled up with tears. "I felt safe and happy a month ago when we started trying for the baby, but ever since we found out that Naomi wasn't pregnant..."

Emily trailed off, accepting the tissues I handed her. Dr. Greene urged her on.

"I know it didn't happen this way, but it felt like I lost _another_ baby. I thought maybe I did something wrong. And then the flashbacks started again," Emily said quietly while Dr. Greene nodded. I still felt a bit confused at the turn in conversation, but it was obvious that we were now talking about Emily and the aftermath of her rape.

"Flashbacks of what exactly?" Dr Greene pressed. Emily took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Sometimes I'm just going about my day and suddenly I stop and I'm re-living the whole rape inside my head, and other times I'm re-living the abortion. I haven't been sleeping well. I used to sleep fine in Naomi's arms, but after we started trying for a baby I couldn't sleep that way anymore, with her holding me. I thought maybe if I held her it would change, and it did for a while until we found out that she wasn't pregnant."

Dr Greene had stopped writing and was now listening intently to Emily, much as I was.

"Why was that Emily?"

"I didn't feel like I had to protect her or the baby anymore, since there wasn't a baby to protect."

I buried my head in my hands. I knew Emily was being honest and that in the long-run it would be healthier for us all, but I had a horrible feeling that this was just another indicator that Emily wasn't ready to have a family.  
"I'm sorry," Emily whispered. She reached over to me and tried to grab my hand and pry it away from my face but I wouldn't budge.

"Emily," Dr Greene said, calling Emily's attention back to her. "Why don't you want to protect Naomi anymore?"

"I...I don't know," Emily said, her voice tight with unshed tears. "I love her, she's my wife. I used to want to protect her all the time."

Dr Greene nodded and wrote a short note. "Emily, you're still in stage two, just like you were last year. You aren't moving forward. You have to let go of a bit of that control you so desperately want."

Emily nodded and blew her nose. "Do you trust your wife, Emily?" Dr Greene asked. I still hadn't moved and still had my head buried in my hands. I almost didn't want to know the answer to the question.

"Of course," Emily answered without any hesitation.

"Then you have to trust that Naomi wants the best for you and for the family you two are building together. Naomi would never lead you into any harm or intentionally hurt you."

I felt Emily's eyes on me as I finally started to move and sit back up. "I know that," Emily whispered as she reached for my hand again. This time, I let her take it.

Dr Greene made a much longer note on her notepad and we all sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Emily, is there anything you need to tell Naomi here that you've been neglecting to tell her for the past few weeks?" Dr Greene asked, looking at Emily straight in the eye with her brow raised.

Emily shook her head. "I think I got everything out already," She replied, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

Dr Greene turned to me and asked me the same question and I replied in the same way as Emily.

"Okay. I think it's best if you two show up next week, just for a follow up to make sure there are no other issues that need to be discussed at the moment. If anything else comes up, write it down and bring it to the next appointment so you don't forget about it or push it aside," Dr Greene said as she put her notepad and pen away.

"Should we... postpone trying for a baby?" I asked, pulling my hand away from Emily's and reaching for my handbag. I was trying to give myself something to do so I wouldn't show how upset I would be if Dr. Greene told us to wait.

Dr Greene smiled and shrugged. "That's something you two will have to decide for yourselves. I can't give you all the answers."

Emily nodded and we both shook Dr. Greene's hand as we left the office.

"Therapy dinner tonight at 6?" I asked Emily as we left the office. She nodded and kissed me on the cheek before leaving to go back to work.

Emily and I had invented therapy dinners for the nights after we would come home from couple's therapy. Usually, we would talk about how we felt during the session and try to address any issues we had with what was said. For a change, I would cook most therapy dinners, and we would try to make them as calm and relaxed as we possibly could.

I walked home, passing by the mall and avoiding looking at the children's clothing shops. I started to feel jealous whenever I would look at the women and children shopping in those shops, so I avoided them to preserve my sanity.

When I got out of the elevator of the apartment building, I saw Cook sitting outside our front door. I had thought he was supposed to be working, so I was surprised to see him.

"Hey," I called, grabbing my keys from my handbag. "What are you doing here?"

Cook shook his head and didn't look at me. "I just needed you. Needed to talk to you," Cook replied. He got up and moved out of my way so I could open the door. He wasn't his usual happy self, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen Cook so down.

I let him into the house and shut the door behind him. Libby barked and yapped at Cook and I as soon as she saw us, but Cook didn't play with her like he usually did. I shushed Libby and sent her to lay in her basket.

"What's going on?" I asked Cook, cutting straight to the chase. Seeing him so upset was unnerving me.

Cook sighed and went to sit down on the couch. "Paddy's moving. Well, mum's moving to Glasgow and taking Paddy with her."

I sat down next to Cook and grabbed his hand. I pulled him by the shoulder so he was leaning on me, and eventually he was laying on my lap.

"Why does everyone I love end up leaving me, Naoms? I don't have anyone. No family. No girlfriend. I don't see JJ anymore ever since Lara had the new baby, and Freddie fucked off to god knows where," Cook mumbled, playing with the fringe of my skirt absentmindedly. I threaded my fingers through his hair, knowing how much it relaxed him. "I just want someone to stay with me."

"I'm so sorry, Cook," I whispered, continuing to run my fingers through his hair. "I promise, I'll never leave you."

Cook nodded against me, and as time passed he became more relaxed and his breathing wasn't as fast as it was before. He had fallen asleep. I'd never seen Cook so upset or so fragile. Cook was never the type of man to just lay down on my lap and seek comfort in me. Usually it was me seeking comfort in him. It was nice to be able to repay him for all the nights he spent holding me while I cried and telling me that everything would be alright.

Two hours and three crappy TV shows later, I woke Cook up so I could get started on dinner for Emily and I. I didn't explain to Cook what Emily had said about our relationship or the baby earlier, and he simply hugged me and left.

Emily came home late that night, even though she knew we were supposed to be having a therapy dinner. We were never late for therapy dinners. She hadn't even texted or phoned to let me know she was going to be late.

I sat at the dinner table alone. I had lit candles and put a tablecloth and a vase of azaleas on the table. Dinner had long gone cold by the time Emily got home.

Libby had sat by the door and waited for Emily as she did every night, but grew tired of sitting and staring at the door. She ran to the office where she hid all her toys, and ran back as quickly as she could with her favourite chew toy, as though she was afraid that she'd miss welcoming Emily home within the 10 seconds it took for her to grab her toy.

"Hello, darling!" Emily said as she walked in and Libby barked at her and jumped on her legs. Emily fussed over Libby for longer than usual before standing and grabbing her things.

"Hey," she said, looking at me cautiously. She took in the set dinner table, the candles that had burned almost completely to their base, the fresh flowers and the freezing cold meal laid out on the table. "I'm late."

I nodded at her and got up, walking to the bathroom. I shut the door, made sure I locked it, and stripped off my clothes. I turned on the shower and let it warm up for a few seconds before jumping in and crying. That's the nice thing about crying in the shower – the water hides your tears.

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**And please don't forget to leave a review! I've started to reply to every single one and I love hearing from you and hearing your thoughts :)**


	11. Breath of Life

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry this chapter is a week late! I was supposed to update last Sunday but couldn't as I was packing and organizing a trip to London for my sister and I. We had a really great time and now I'm back at home and back to the usual updating schedule - every Sunday! **

**Thanks so much to those who reviewed the last chapter and to everybody who continues to read even if they don't leave a review (but I really do love the reviews lol)**

**I recommend listening to "Breath of Life" by Florence and the Machine while you're reading this chapter.**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 11: Breath of Life

_Friday, July 12th, 2013_

Emily and I hadn't exactly been on the best of terms since our couple's therapy on Tuesday. Actually, that would be an understatement. Emily and I weren't exactly on speaking terms since our couple's therapy on Tuesday. I hadn't asked her why she was late to our therapy dinner and Emily never bothered to explain. We hadn't mentioned anything about the insemination we were supposed to be doing this weekend, so I phoned Cook last night to tell him it was cancelled and that we wouldn't need his "services" this month. Since he knew Emily and I were having problems, he understood right away.

It was a quiet Friday afternoon that I usually spent typing away on my laptop to finish my week's article before submitting it to my editor for 5 o'clock. But today, I spent my Friday afternoon cleaning. I hated cleaning. I had finished my article late Thursday evening in an effort to avoid Emily. I needn't have worried as Emily didn't bother to come home until 4 in the morning that day.

The house phone rang, interrupting my lack-lustre cleaning. I dropped the duster on the floor, not really giving a shit about where exactly it landed.

"Hello?" I answered in an uninterested voice.

"Hey, are you doing anything next Tuesday?" Effy asked, sounding bright and cheery. "Katie and I were thinking of having a small get-together to celebrate the one-month anniversary of us finding out we're pregnant."

I sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I dunno, Eff, I'd really love to be there but things aren't so easy right now."

"Oh. Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Effy questioned, starting to sound concerned. "Emily spent most of the night here with Katie last night but she wouldn't really say anything."

"It's just...marriage stuff, I suppose. Emily and I are going through a rough patch," I said, sighing and rolling my eyes though I knew Effy couldn't see me. "Actually, it's a bit more than a rough patch."

"Oh?" Effy said in that way only Effy can turn the word 'oh' into a thousand word question.

"We went to couple's therapy on Tuesday and we were going to have therapy dinner. Emily agreed and then showed up five hours late. We haven't spoken since. She didn't explain why she was late and I didn't ask," I said quietly. I felt both angry when I thought about the way Emily treated me that night, but hurt and scared when I briefly wondered whether this was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

Effy hummed for a moment. "Yeah. Maybe it's best that you don't come on Tuesday then."

I frowned at Effy's comment and decided that I couldn't even bother to be angry at her for being so insensitive and unconcerned for my marriage. I hung up on her and went back to pick up my duster and continued cleaning.

About fifteen minutes later, there was a loud knock on the door. I decided to just give up on cleaning and went to open the door.

"Hey, Naomikins," Cook said, walking straight into the apartment carrying a rather large duffel bag. "How are things?"

"Pretty shit," I replied as I put away the few cleaning supplies I had managed to find and stared quizzically at the duffel bag. "How are things with you?"

Cook shrugged and walked into the master bedroom and started going through my clothes and putting some of them in the duffel bag. I followed him in and sat in the armchair by my side of the bed, watching him as he tried to neatly fold up my underwear and bras and put them in a duffel bag.

"I'd ask you what you were doing if this wasn't so amusing," I said, smiling for the first time in days as I watched Cook try to fold a bra.

"I want you to come to Glasgow with me," Cook said as he stopped putting clothes in the duffel bag and looked up at me with a frown on his face. "It's the first time I'm going to see Paddy since they moved there the other day, and he's been really upset. I know he misses you and he wants to see you again. And I need you there, Naomi. I need you to be my rock."

I nodded and walked over to Cook, grabbing hold of his arm and snuggling into his side. "Okay, Cook."

I went to my closet as Cook sat down on the bed next to the duffel bag we were apparently sharing. I picked out a few warmer things since Scotland was usually freezing and put them in the bag before changing into a warmer jumper. I knew that going to Scotland wasn't the best thing for Emily and I right now, but I needed to be there for Cook. To be honest, I wanted to go. I hadn't seen Paddy in a long time and I missed the little guy. I wanted to be there for Cook, I wanted to be the person he turned to when he needed help. I grabbed my toiletries and tossed them in the bag and smiled at Cook.

"Thank you, Naomi," Cook said as I zipped up the duffel bag and handed it to him. "But we really have to go. The train leaves in 10 minutes."

Cook heaved the duffel bag onto his shoulder and pushed me out of the apartment. I locked the door behind us, not bothered with leaving Emily a note to explain where I was going. There was a taxi parked outside my apartment building and Cook and I hopped in.

"So what's really going on with you and Emily?" Cook asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. We aren't speaking."

"You scared?" Cook asked quietly. I looked down at my hands and shrugged again, but nodded slightly.

"I feel really confused," I whispered, voicing the feelings I'd been trying to deny for days now. I didn't know how to feel about anything. I felt angry at Emily and hurt because of her actions. I felt jealous of Effy and Katie and their perfect relationship and their perfect pregnancy. I felt calm and comforted when I was around Cook. He made me feel warm and happy.

That was the scariest feeling that I'd been trying to deny for days, possibly even weeks. I remembered learning the difference between good feelings and bad feelings in primary school – was that feeling a warm fuzzy or a cold prickly? A warm fuzzy was obviously a good feeling, a feeling that made you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. A cold prickly was a bad feeling, a feeling that made you feel cold and neglected and like tears were prickling at your eyes.

Emily was starting to give me cold prickly feelings and Cook was starting to give me warm fuzzy feelings. Emily made my heart hurt when I looked at her. I wanted to cry and kiss her and hold her and tell her that she would always be mine and that I'd never let her go. But that was hard. And Cook was easy. I didn't know whether relationships were supposed to be that much hard work and hurt feelings or whether they were supposed to be natural and easy. I loved Emily with every part of me. But I was getting tired of fighting her walls. I finally thought we were past it all and could move forward...start a family together and build a real life together. But as quickly as I thought her walls came down, they went back up again and I felt like I lost the woman I married.

"Why are you confused, Naoms?" Cook questioned, grabbing my hand and squeezing gently.

"I love my wife," I mumbled. I wasn't completely sure why I said it. Maybe it was to remind myself of how much I loved Emily, how amazing and perfect she was, and how much I _didn't_ love Cook in that way. "But I think my marriage is falling apart."

Cook nodded and kissed my cheek and hugged me and we sat in silence for the rest of the ride to the train station.

"I'm scared for you, too, Naoms," Cook said as we got out of the taxi. "You deserve to be happy."

Cook paid for our train tickets even though I tried to pay for them myself. I knew the tickets were going to be ridiculously expensive, but Cook insisted on paying for the tickets himself. We got on the train with seconds to spare before it pulled away from the station. The train ride was going to be about seven hours long, and I planned on sleeping for at least six of those hours. I took my cell phone out of my handbag and put it in my pocket so I would be able to feel it vibrate in case I got a text or call. I pulled my jumper tightly around me, snuggled into Cook's side and fell asleep.

About three hours into the journey, when we were ten minutes away from Manchester, my phone rang. I was half-awake and groggy.

"Hello?" I mumbled as I pushed myself off Cook's shoulder.

"Naomi, where the hell are you?" Katie yelled.

"Um, ten minutes away from Manchester. I'm headed to Glasgow with Cook to visit his family. What's going on?" I rubbed my eyes and started to wake up properly.

"You didn't tell anyone where you were going, not a message, no note, nothing!" Katie yelled. I frowned. It wasn't like Katie to get so worked up about something like me disappearing. Usually she barely bothered to ask if I was alright. She sounded frazzled and worried, but also relieved to have finally got hold of me.

"Katie, what the fuck is going on?"

I heard Katie sigh. "It's Emily. She's a mess right now. I'm at the flat with her and I think she really needs you here."

"What do you mean? How is she a mess?" I asked, already gathering as many of my things as I could from the duffel bag and shoving them into my handbag. Cook was looking at me quizzically and I mouthed 'Emily' to him and he nodded.

"I don't know, she's been having a panic attack for almost two hours now. I can't really understand what she's been saying, but I've heard 'John' and 'doctor'. She needs you now, Naomi, get home as quickly as you can."

And with those last words, Katie hung up on me. I felt like a complete failure. My wife needed me and I wasn't there. I knew she'd been hiding something from me for the past few weeks, and I knew it had something to do with her rape, but instead of dealing with it I chose to ignore her and get mad at her for being late to dinner.

"I'm sorry, Cook, I have to go, Emily's in a right state and I'm fucking three hours away by train," I said, tears welling up in my eyes as I imagined how horrible and alone Emily must be feeling right now.

"Go, Naomi, I understand. Emily comes first," Cook said as he helped me unpack my things and handed them to me. I was thankful I carried such large handbags as we managed to make everything fit just in time for me to get off the train at Manchester. I bought another train ticket to head back to Bristol.

I waited tensely at the platform for the train to Bristol that was due to arrive in 30 minutes. I was almost in tears and was convinced I'd never felt so guilty in my entire life. The train journey itself was completely agonizing. Three hours of wishing I'd never left Bristol and wanting to be by Emily's side and crying because I'd failed my wife in so many ways.

When I finally made it back to the flat it was almost 9 o'clock at night. I opened the door and dropped my things, walking through each room of the flat searching for Emily and Katie. I found them in the extra bedroom, what was supposed to be the nursery, lying on the floor. Katie had her arms wrapped around Emily and held her tightly. Emily's breath was ragged with left-over tears and her face was blotchy. Her eyes were red and her nose was runny. As soon as she saw me she let go of her sister and held her arms out to me. I started to cry as I bent down towards her, ignoring the dirty looks Katie was giving me. I pulled Emily up so she was sitting and I sat in front of her. I pulled her into my lap and wrapped my arms around her tightly, smoothing her hair as she started crying into my shoulder. I barely even heard Katie leave the room.

"I love you," She whispered, reaching for my left hand and grabbing my engagement and wedding ring. "I'm so sorry."

"I love you, too," I whispered, kissing her neck gently. "I'm sorry."

Emily started to cry a bit harder and I hushed her and asked her to tell me the truth.

"John's been let out of prison for good behaviour," Emily whispered. She started sobbing and grabbed onto my shirt, trying to pull me even closer towards her. There wasn't a centimetre between us. "I went to the doctor and she said there's too much scar tissue in my uterus from the abortion for me to ever get pregnant again."

Tears flowed down my face as I listened to Emily's sobs and felt her tears soak through my shirt. John Foster had left Emily scarred in so many ways, but this had to have been the worst. Even though Emily said she didn't want to be the carrier of our children, I knew this was completely different. Now Emily didn't even have the option to be our children's birth mother. Her rapist had taken away so many of the choices Emily was supposed to make in her life. The fact that he'd been let out five years early due to good behaviour made me completely sick. But I knew that most countries were fairly lax about punishment of rapists. Even though John was a serial rapist, it didn't make any difference. The man was sick and disgusting and the justice system had let down every single one of his victims.

"I'll love you forever, Em," I whispered. "In sickness and in health, remember?"

Emily nodded against my shoulder. "Love you forever, Naoms."

* * *

**Check out my tumblr page, which will be linked on my profile as I just realized that my tumblr URL hasn't been showing up on the last few chapters, and please don't forget to leave me a review! I read and reply to each and every one I get! **


	12. Your Song

**Author's Note: So I'm back earlier than expected to make up for the one Sunday when I didn't update as per usual. So welcome to Random Wednesday Update! This chapter is very NSFW. That's all I have to say about _that_.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter! I think I replied to every single one but I can't really remember right now because I'm pretty exhausted from writing this all day.**

**I recommend that you listen to "Your Song" covered by Ellie Goulding while reading this chapter because she has the voice of an angel and it's pretty and suits the mood of the chapter.**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 12: Your Song

_Saturday, July 13th, 2013_

I woke up early the next morning just like I normally did to take Libby for her walk. Emily was still asleep, likely exhausted from her breakdown yesterday. I didn't bother to brush my hair or wash my face. I simply threw on a light jumper, grabbed Libby's leash and stuffed a tennis ball in my pocket.

"Come on, darling," I said as quietly as I could so I wouldn't wake Emily as I pushed Libby off our bed. She grumbled for a few moments but became much more excited when she saw the leash in my hand. I hooked the leash to her collar and we began our very short walk to the park across the street from our apartment building.

When we got to the park I didn't run around with Libby as I usually did. Instead, I threw the ball from my spot on a bench for her and let her run and bring it back to me. I wasn't in the mood to play and run around with Libby. I just wanted to sit and mope. I wasn't thinking of anything coherent or specific really. I was just thinking about Emily and how we were going to get over this next hurdle together. I felt angry and infinitely sad about what my wife has had to go through. I couldn't imagine what a day in Emily's shoes would be like. I knew her well, no doubt, but I could never really know what she went through on a day-to-day basis or how difficult particular days could be for her.

Libby and I usually spent about an hour at the park, but I decided to cut my time away from Emily short today. I wanted to be close to her and to be there to comfort her if she needed it.

We got back to the apartment, and Libby trotted off into the office to play with her toys. I shed my light jumper and tossed it on an armchair in the bedroom, and got back into bed. Emily turned around as soon as she felt my weight on the bed and snuggled into me so we were facing each other. I watched Emily as she slowly started to wake up and couldn't help but smile at how adorable she was.

"Morning, beautiful," I whispered, kissing her gently. Emily kissed me back and threaded her fingers through my hair. Emily pulled away from my lips but wrapped her arms around me so we still stayed close.

"I want to be completely honest with you, Naoms," Emily whispered, nuzzling her face into my chest. "I want to tell you everything I haven't told you already about the rape and the abortion."

"Okay," I replied, stroking Emily's hair and back softly.

"Since I didn't go to the hospital after John raped me, I didn't get any testing done or anything of the sort until about four weeks later. I went to the doctors for a full work-up, STD testing and everything and those all came up clean, but they told me I was two weeks pregnant. I agonized over what to do. Did I keep the baby? Did I go through with the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption? I didn't tell anyone what was going on, not Katie, none of my friends. I didn't want them to pity me and I didn't want anybody to know, so I figured that keeping the baby and going through with the pregnancy weren't real options. I agonized over what to do for six weeks before I finally decided that I had to have an abortion. I didn't really have any other choice. I wasn't about to give up the next nine months of my life to John after he'd already taken so much away from me. He took away my right to choose who I had sex with, he took away my right to choose what happened to my body in so many ways. So I booked the abortion and thought that would be the end of it. Hoped that would be the end of it. But of course, it wasn't. It's never really over. When I went back to the doctors for a follow up appointment a few weeks after the abortion, they said I would have to have a D&C because the abortion left retained "products of conception". Our doctor, the one that just told me that I have severe uterine scarring said it was from the D&C. It's called Asherman's syndrome. I have too many scars to conceive. They had detected some scars when I was donating my eggs for Katie and Effy, but they didn't really think anything of it. I mentioned it to our doctor at my last check up and she decided to send me for further tests."

Emily sighed into my chest and I kissed her forehead gently.

"It just never seems to stop," Emily whispered as a lone tear ran down her cheek and splashed against the skin of my chest. "I keep thinking that it's over, that I can finally move on from the rape and then something like this comes up and I can't. I'm right there again and I'm re-living it and he won't stop ruining my life. And now I won't be able to help you build our family. What if I wanted to carry a baby somewhere down the line? Or what if you don't want to carry the baby? Or if there's some kind of problem? Now I can't even do that. I don't have the option."

Emily cried into my chest while I held her and tried to get her to calm down. It hurt me so much to see my beautiful Emily as upset as she was right now. When she cried, I wanted to cry. But I knew that this problem was fixable for us.

"Hey," I whispered once Emily had calmed down a bit. "There are so many ways for us to build our family. And you're just as much a founding member of it as I am, even if you can't carry one of our children. You're the one who technically gets me pregnant, remember? I can't do that alone. And if it's really important to you that we have a baby that's yours, then I'll carry your baby for you. I'll do anything for you, Em. I'll do anything for our family. If there ends up being a problem with me, which I doubt there will be, we could always adopt or ask Katie or Effy or someone to be a surrogate. We're surrounded by people, Em, people who love us and want us to have a family just as much as we do. They would help us."

Emily nodded and kissed me gently once, then grew more forceful with each of her kisses. She pulled me so we were no longer lying on our sides facing each other. Now I was on top of her, supporting myself on my forearms so we barely had an inch of space between us. Emily threaded her fingers through my hair, pulling and twisting it gently. Her hand moved down to my back and slipped under my t-shirt, fingers dancing on the bare skin of my back. I pulled my lips apart from hers and started kissing her neck, slowly moving down towards her shoulder, then her collarbone, then her cleavage. Emily had only slept in a bra and panties last night since it was so humid. I slipped my hand behind Emily's back, making her arch a bit so I could unclip her bra. It'd been so long since we'd had sex, but I knew every single one of Emily's bras well and didn't fumble while taking it off.

Emily pulled at my shirt and took it off right away, knowing that I never slept with a bra on. My lips parted slightly against the skin of Emily's chest, leaving open mouthed kisses on her skin till I reached her nipples. I kissed each of her nipples, trying to fight down my lust and be as gentle as I could with Emily. Right now, I didn't want to fuck her, I didn't want it to be about lust. I wanted to make love to her, show her how much I loved every single part of her. To show her that I didn't care whether parts of her worked or were broken. To show her that I loved her no matter what.

I took one of her nipples in my mouth and sucked. Emily threaded her fingers through my hair tightly and moaned. When she couldn't take anymore, she pulled my head away and moved it towards her other nipple, where I sucked and kissed her again. I kissed down to her belly button and pulled off her knickers as quickly as I could manage.

Emily kicked the sheets away and threw her hand over her face, pushing her hair away. Her skin held a slight sheen of sweat. I took off my own pants and knickers and then pushed Emily's knees so they were bent and apart. I loved seeing her like this. Completely open and trusting, knowing that she trusted me wholly with her body and her heart.

Emily pushed herself up so she was balancing on her forearms. She knew what was coming and she loved watching. Her stomach was quivering and her breath was laboured.

I grabbed Emily's thigh, pushing it even farther open as I leaned forward and placed open mouthed kisses all along the inside of her leg. Her legs were shaking in anticipation as I got nearer and nearer to her centre. I finally moved straight to her centre, my tongue working in circles around her clit. I grabbed her legs and put them over my shoulders as I felt Emily fall down against the bed, apparently no longer able to hold herself up to watch. She threaded her fingers through my hair and pushed me even closer to her heat. I wrapped one hand around her leg and reached up to palm her breast while I moved my other hand down to her centre and slid two fingers inside her. I sucked on her clit and curled my fingers inside her. My hand was on her left breast, pinching and squeezing her and feeling every shaky breath and every rapid heartbeat.

"Naomi," Emily moaned as her fingers tangled in my hair. "Ohhhhh."

Her legs wrapped around my head, pulling myself immeasurably closer to her centre. All I could breathe in was Emily. I pumped my fingers into her faster, and sucked and licked at her harder, knowing she was only seconds away from her climax. I moved my hand away from her breast to her hip to hold her down as she started bucking against me. I curled my fingers into her and stilled my movements as I felt her walls clamp down around my fingers. I brought her down as carefully and gently as I could, stroking her gently down from her climax. She uncrossed her legs so they were no longer trapping me against her, and I moved up so I could lay next to her and kiss her.

"I missed you," Emily whispered a few minutes later, opening her eyes and giving me a lazily happy smile.

"I missed you, too," I replied, leaning over and kissing her. She moaned, likely because she tasting herself on my tongue. I pulled away from her and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close against me. "I love you."

"I love you too," Emily replied back, kissing my shoulder. She tangled her legs between mine and the last thing I caught before I ended up being forced onto my back was a mischievous smile. "Your turn."

* * *

As we lay in bed together hours later wrapped up in each other, I felt Emily sigh against me.

"Can we still try?" She whispered, looking up at me with her big doe eyes.

"What?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows as I tried to figure out what she meant.

"Can we still try to get pregnant this month? I know we missed yesterday, but we still have today and tomorrow right?" Emily whispered. I shook my head, remembering that Cook was in Glasgow right now.

"Cook's in Glasgow to visit his brother," I replied. "Maybe we can try on Monday when he gets back, but that might be too late."

Emily nodded against me.

"Well, once is better than nothing, right?" She said, looking up at me with a hopeful smile. I shrugged and nodded.

"I'll phone him later."

"I'm sorry I had you so worried before," Emily said, her fingers tracing imaginary patterns on my arm. "I should have just told you. I never meant for you to think I didn't love you or want to start a family with you anymore."

I nodded. "We were both stupid, Ems. I'm sorry too."

She leaned up and pressed her lips against mine. "Just for the record, I do want to start a family with you. As soon as possible. I'd try to get you pregnant now if I could."

I laughed. "I think you just tried to get me pregnant three times, Em."

She laughed and kissed me. "Maybe this month will be our miracle month, even if we only manage to do one insemination."

I smiled and nodded at her. She grabbed my hand and kissed it, holding it tightly.

"I hope so, Em."

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**Author's Note: Check out my tumblr page, which should be linked somewhere on my profile...I think. Or just try to lurk the Naomily fandom and find me that way. Or just type in "keeping-schtum" and then put in a period and then type "tumblr" and then put in another period and then put "com". **

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	13. Jump In

**Author's Note: This chapter is shorter than usual, but I knew I would rather post a shorter chapter now than have you wait another week for the next update. So, here it is :)**

**The song for this chapter is Jump In by High Places. Give it a listen while you read the chapter. Most of you will recognize it ;)**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 13: Jump In

_Monday, July 15th, 2013_

Emily and I dove headfirst right back into our baby-making schedule. I phoned Cook late Saturday night to ask him when he would be back from Glasgow and if he wouldn't mind donating this weekend. He agreed and dropped by our place late Sunday night with a specimen container and promised to return early Monday morning, which he did. He actually ended up dropping off about 5 times that Monday, as Emily had asked him if he wouldn't mind making more than one donation that day. Of course, Cook had agreed.

Emily had taken the insemination so seriously that she decided to take the day off from work so she could stay home and inseminate me multiple times. Obviously, that meant that I was bed-ridden all day, could barely move and definitely couldn't work, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make for our family.

Emily popped her head into the bedroom every few minutes to ask me if I needed anything when she wasn't busy preparing the insemination kit or actually inseminating me or getting food ready to feed me. Potentially getting pregnant was exhausting and also apparently made me very hungry. In total, Emily inseminated me 5 times before Cook phoned and said he was completely dried out and couldn't do another round. I almost felt sorry for him before I remembered that at least he was having orgasms and could move around while I was basically chained to the bed and too grossed out to have sex.

"Anything you need?" Emily asked, popping her head in the doorway. She smiled brightly at me while Libby trod in and hopped up on the bed and laid on Emily's pillow.

"No, I'm fine," I said as I adjusted the pillow below my hips in an attempt to get more comfortable. "Wanna watch Jeremy Kyle with me? They're trying to find out if he cheated on her. I think he did, but Jeremy seems to think he didn't."

Emily rolled her eyes at me. "I think I'll give Libby a bath. Why don't you watch something interesting? Do you really want the first thing our potential baby is surrounded by to be an episode of the Jeremy Kyle show?"

I shrugged and changed the channel. "I suppose not."

Emily smiled and went into the bathroom to run Libby's bath. When Libby heard the water running, she ran under the covers and hid by my feet. Emily walked in and searched the room for her until I pointed out the dog-shaped lump by my feet. She took the duvet off the bed and picked Libby up, holding her like a baby. Libby gave me a dirty look as Emily carried her into the bathroom.

X

"What would you want to name a baby girl?" Emily asked me as she cuddled into my side. It was nighttime and I was surprisingly exhausted from doing absolutely nothing all day.

"Mmm, maybe Xena Warrior Princess," I mumbled, turning onto my side so I was the little spoon. Emily chuckled and hit my back gently.

"No, really," She whispered, kissing my skin and tracing patterns on my back. "I like the name Imogen. It was invented by Shakespeare, you know."

"If you want to pay tribute to Shakespeare, let's name her Iambic Pentameter," I quipped, already half-asleep. "What about for a boy?"

Emily nuzzled into my back and moved my hair off my neck. "I don't know, I haven't thought of any boy names yet."

I could sense Emily was getting tired and was about to fall asleep. "Maybe...Hayden," She whispered quietly. "That's a boy name and a girl name."

"Mmm," I whispered, closing my eyes and imagining what that name would sound like. "Hayden Fitch-Campbell."

The next day, shortly after Emily left for work, Effy and Katie came over. Libby had dragged me out of bed an hour earlier to take her for her walk to the park, but I wasn't properly dressed or ready for the day at all. I wanted to hear what they had to say, so I let them in, despite how messy both the flat and I were. Last time I'd spoken to Effy we hadn't left things on the best of terms, and the last time I had seen Katie she was mad at me for abandoning her sister. I made a pot of tea while Katie and Effy sat at the kitchen table and fussed over Libby, who was happy to see her favourite aunties.

"I'm sorry," Effy said as I poured her a cup of tea. "I don't know what came over me the other day on the phone. My emotions have been all over the place lately."

Katie took Effy's hand and smiled at her. "It's the hormones, babe," she said. I'd never seen Katie be so patient with anybody, but Effy seemed to bring out that caring, loving side to Katie.

"Still though," Effy murmured, her brow creasing in a frown. "I don't want to treat people that way. Especially not you, Naomi."

I nodded at her and smiled. "It's alright, Eff, I understand."

Katie smiled at me tightly, obviously sensing that now it was her turn to apologize.

"I'm sorry for judging you the other day," Katie said. "It really wasn't my place to judge you. It's between you and my sister and I don't understand how your marriage works, so it wasn't right of me to do that. I trust that things are back to normal now?"

I smiled and nodded at her. "Yeah, Emily and I are fine. Better than fine, really," I said with a smile. "But in other news, it's been one month since you found out you're pregnant! Six weeks along now, huh?"

Effy nodded and smiled. "Yeah, but it hasn't been easy. I've been sick every day without fail, napping all the time, and I actually lost five pounds. I did find a good midwife though, so I suppose that's good. She says everything I'm going through is completely normal."

Katie gave Effy a sympathetic look and squeezed her hand. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the two of them.

"Well, once you're past the three month mark, I'll be happy to throw you a party where you can announce your pregnancy to your family," I said with a smile. Katie rolled her eyes but laughed.

"Yeah, just like the coming out party you threw us all those months ago?" She asked, a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her face.

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, just like that, but this time the banner will have to be bigger."

Effy frowned. "Why would it have to be bigger?"

"Because this time it'll have to fit 'I'm gay and in love and we're having a baby' on it. That's a lot of words, you know," I said playfully as Effy hit me in the shoulder.

X

_August 3, 2013_

_Holy crap._

I'm late.

"Emily!" I yelled out, dropping the calendar and running into the kitchen. Emily was unloading the dishwasher and wearing her fancy Harrod's apron I got her when we first got married.

"What is it?" She asked, putting down the towel and plate she was drying.

"I'm late," I said, a huge smile on my face. "I'm four days late."

Emily beamed at me and I could tell she was practically vibrating with excitement but trying to hide it. We didn't want to get all excited for nothing like we did last time.

"Should you take a test?" She asked, untying her apron. She folded it neatly and put it on the back of a chair. I nodded and almost sprinted into the bathroom. Emily searched in the cupboard under the sink and pulled out the packet of pregnancy tests. She handed me one and smiled. "Can I stay?" She asked timidly, biting her lip. I nodded.

I took the test while Emily pulled out her iphone from her pocket. She read the back of the packet of pregnancy tests.

"Okay," Emily said as I handed her the pregnancy test. She placed it on the counter so the display screen was facing up. "Three minutes."

And then we waited for three minutes. Those minutes seemed to be the most agonizing minutes of my life. Emily's phone vibrated after what felt like three hours of us staring at each other and holding hands in silence.

"Do you want to look?" I asked, grabbing at my stomach. "I'm a ball of nerves, I don't think I could look."

Emily shook her head. "I'm nervous too," she whispered, biting her lip and smiling. "Let's just do it together, really quick okay."

Emily reached out to grab the test and immediately closed her eyes. "Close your eyes too," she said, holding the test in her right hand so it was between the two of us. I closed my eyes and didn't dare to peek.

"On the count of three," she whispered. "One...two...three."

I looked down at the test at the exact time as Emily did.

_Yes+ _was displayed on the screen.

"OH MY GOD!" Emily shrieked, bending down to her knees and lifting up my top. She peppered my stomach with kisses as my eyes filled with tears. "You're pregnant, you're pregnant, you're pregnant!"

"I'm so happy," I choked out through my sobs. Emily got up and wrapped her arms around me. Her lips found mine and kissed me passionately, which was quite hard to do considering we were both crying.

"I love you," Emily whispered against my lips before bending down and kissing my stomach again.

"And I love you," she whispered against the skin of my stomach.

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**Author's Note: So I gave you a happy update today! I hope you liked the chapter. Please leave a review letting me know what you thought!**

**Check out my tumblr page, which should be linked on my profile :)**

**PS: it's my birthday today, so it would be super nice if you'd leave a review - consider it a free birthday gift!**


	14. Circle

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry I wasn't able to update last Sunday as usual. I was very sick and stuck in bed, and only started to feel better yesterday. I haven't been able to reply to reviews yet, so I apologize to those of you who reviewed and didn't get a reply. I'm going to try to reply to as many as I can!**

**This chapter's song is _Paradise_ by Coldplay. I recommend listening to it while reading, especially towards the end of the chapter. The title of the chapter isn't song-related this week, but instead reflects the circle of life and death.**

**As usual, I don't own Skins.**

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Chapter 14: Circle

_Sunday, August 4th, 2013_

After our freak out in the bathroom, Emily and I mostly spent the day laughing and crying and reading pregnancy books. Well, Emily read pregnancy books. I did other things, like chasing Libby around the apartment or trying to write my next article or coming up with ways we could tell Jenna Fitch that I, her demon daughter-in-law, was carrying her future grandchild. The only person we had told was Cook and we didn't plan on telling anybody else until we passed our three month mark. Cook congratulated us and sounded pleased when we phoned him to tell him we would no longer require his services. I'm sure he was relieved he didn't have to remain celibate anymore.

I was so relieved I had gotten pregnant quickly. I wasn't sure if Emily and I would have been able to handle another round of inseminations and all the emotional bullshit we went through during the first month we weren't pregnant. Emily had tentatively asked me if she could borrow the pregnancy books I was reading when I was finished with them. I agreed immediately of course, and gave her the ones I had already finished reading. I was so happy that Emily wanted to understand what my body was going through. Emily finished reading the first book I recommended by Saturday evening and had moved on to the second one. She would occasionally spew out pregnancy facts at me while she was reading and we'd talk about how I felt already and how I should be feeling in the weeks to come.

I woke up that calm and quiet Sunday morning to a sniffing sound. Libby was lying right in between Emily and I, sniffing me all over and pawing at my blankets. I moved the blanket, curious to see what she was sniffing for. Libby sniffed all over my chest and stomach, finally settling on my lower stomach. She sniffed and sniffed and then just laid her head against me, as though she could hear our baby's heart beat. I wouldn't be surprised if she could. Libby lifted her head off my stomach and started gently pawing at it before looking at me and barking, as though she was saying 'what the actual fuck is going on here?'

I smiled at her and stroked her and nudged Emily. Libby went back to her work of sniffing and pawing at me.

"Look," I whispered to Emily as she rolled over and sat up. She rubbed at her eyes and sleepily watched Libby. She smiled softly and leaned over to kiss me on the cheek.

"She can probably hear the baby's heart beat or smell the pregnancy hormones or something," Emily murmured as she stroked Libby gently. Emily stretched and Libby abandoned my stomach, giving one last bark before running into the office.

"You know," Emily murmured as she laid her head against my stomach. "I read in the baby book that our baby is the size of a sesame seed this week."

I nodded and my eyes filled up with tears. "I know," I murmured, the tears thick in my voice. Emily looked up at me, eyes full of worry.

"What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" Emily asked as she sat up and kissed me gently. "Don't cry."

"I'm sorry," I sobbed as I wiped my tears away. "It's just...the baby's so tiny! How's he gonna be safe in there? I'm so big and he's so little!"

Emily cuddled me and whispered that it was gonna be okay. I stopped crying and pouted. Where the fuck did that come from?

"And my boobs hurt," I mumbled into Emily's cleavage. She laughed and rubbed my back.

"I know, babe. The book said your boobs would hurt this week," Emily smiled and bit her lip. "The book also said that your boobs are going to get anywhere from one to three cup sizes bigger."

Emily sneakily glanced up at me and smiled mischievously. "That should be fun," she whispered.

"Oh my god," I mumbled, burying my face into my pillow. My boobs were already a decent size, and Emily had never before mentioned any interest in big breasts, so this was all rather surprising to me. "I suppose you'll have fun with them."

Emily laughed and grabbed my shoulder, pushing me so I was laying flat on my back. She blatantly checked out my boobs, and ran her finger underneath the strap of my tank top. She ran her finger underneath the material all the way down to my left breast and slowly pushed away the cotton. She bit her lip and closed her eyes.

"Mmm, I imagine I will have fun with them, Naoms," She whispered, leaning down to kiss my neck as her fingers played with the delicate skin of my nipple. "Not that I'm complaining about their normal size...but this is like a free, natural boob job."

I murmured and nodded in agreement, hoping that Emily would take things farther, but she gave me one last kiss and pinched my nipple one last time before hopping out of bed and running into the shower.

"Sneaky bitch," I mumbled.

_Monday, August 5th, 2012_

The next morning, Emily and I were woken up by my mobile phone ringing and vibrating my nightstand. I groaned and buried it under my pillow, only serving to make the ringing sound even louder.

"Naoms," Emily practically growled. "Answer the phone. I have to be up in an hour."

I groaned again and answered the phone.

"Naomi, it's Natalie."

I immediately got worried. Natalie sounded stressed. Whatever she was phoning me for at half-past four in the morning, it was urgent.

"Nat, what's wrong?" I said, sitting up straight away. Sleep was long gone now. I threw my covers off and started to get dressed. I had a feeling that this phone call would end with me heading to London.

"It's dad. He's...he's dying, Naoms. I...he keeps asking for you. He wants to meet you. And Emily. Will you come?" Natalie sounded desperate and horribly alone. I couldn't say no. I had to go.

"Yes, we'll be on the next train," I said. I heard Natalie sigh in relief.

"Thank you," she said quietly. "But Naoms...make it quick. The nurses say he hasn't got long."

I took down the hospital and room information and got dressed as quickly as possible.

"Em, we have to go to London," I said, yanking the covers off Emily.

"What? I can't, I have to go to work at 6, I have a wedding-"

"My dad's dying, Em, we have to go. He keeps asking for me and he wants to meet you. My sister...she's there all alone. I have to be with her, she can't be there all alone."

Emily stared at me, completely in shock. "Your dad? Your sister?"

I nodded, pulling up my jeans and grabbing a grey v-neck t-shirt. Emily just sighed and pulled herself out of bed and began to get ready as quickly as I was. I started to pack up some of our clothes into a duffel bag, and Emily organized all our toiletries and things I'd forgotten and tossed them in as well.

We grabbed a half-asleep Libby and dropped her off at Katie and Effy's, saying that we didn't have time to explain but we needed a dog-sitter. I wasn't sure if Natalie was right about this being a short trip. Even if my father did die today, I couldn't very well leave Natalie alone to deal with were arrangements that had to be made and if this was the one time I could prove myself to be a worthy sister to Nat, I'd do it a million times over.

I hailed a taxi and we managed to get tickets for the next train to London, despite their ridiculous cost and morning rush hour.

We sat down and Emily grabbed my hand tightly. "I'm not mad, Naoms," she whispered. "But I have to know...why didn't you tell me about your dad? Or your sister?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, Em. It just never seemed like the right time. Natalie knows about us, about you. But dad... I've never been ready to meet him. He has Alzheimer's and Nat and I weren't sure if he'd remember me when I did meet him. But then he started asking about me on a pretty regular basis. That's when I started to chicken out – what if he didn't like me? What if he couldn't remember that I had a wife? Why did he want to meet me now, all of a sudden?"

Emily nodded but frowned at the same time. "You didn't really answer my question though, Naoms. Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged and looked down at our hands. "I just didn't want to ruin things, Em. You've got your own stuff going on, with John and the IVF and transfer process you went through for Katie and Effy. I didn't want to add anything extra on your plate. I knew I'd have to tell you eventually. I just figured I had more time."

Emily squeezed my hand and brought her free hand up to my face. She pulled my face towards hers and kissed me gently.

"Naomi, I am your wife. You can tell me anything. We're starting a family together now, you can't just keep secrets like this from me anymore. If we're going to be a family, we have to start acting like one," Emily kissed me gently again and smiled up at me. "No secrets from now on, okay?"

I nodded at her and cuddled into her shoulder. "Just hold me, okay, Em? I'm scared."

Emily nodded and held me tightly.

"I've never seen someone die before," I whispered about an hour into our journey. Emily kissed the top of my head and sighed heavily.

"I haven't either, Naoms. We'll face it together, love."

* * *

Emily and I held hands all the way from the train station to my father's hospital room. I saw Natalie sitting outside his room in a chair, her head buried in her hands. She was in workout clothes and looked completely exhausted.

"Nat," I said gently, placing my hand on her shoulder so I didn't startle her too much. She looked up at me and saw Emily and smiled. It was a big, genuine smile that showed that Nat didn't care that she was meeting Emily under these circumstances, she was just happy to meet her sister-in-law. Emily smiled just as broadly at Natalie, though she seemed a bit surprised when Nat sprung up and hugged her tightly.

"It's so nice to meet you," Natalie said, taking in Emily's appearance. Long gone were the days of Emily's bright red hair, which was now replaced by a more muted reddish brown.

Emily nodded at Natalie and squeezed her arm in an attempt to reassure her.

"I'm sorry about your father," Emily said. Natalie nodded and thanked Emily. She turned to me and smiled before enveloping me in a hug.

"He's been asking for you non-stop. I had to leave the room, he was driving me mental," Natalie said, running her fingers through her hair. I nodded and braced myself. I didn't let go of Emily's hand. "Oh, don't call him Dad or anything. Call him Neil. Sometimes he forgets that he has children and regresses to his teenage years or early twenties."

We walked in together behind Natalie. Emily was squeezing my hand so tightly it felt like it was going to fall off. It seemed as though she was more nervous than I was.

"Neil," Natalie said, grabbing my father's attention. He had tubes connected into him and looked so frail and old. I'd never really seen anybody like that. It was eerie, staring into his blue eyes that were so much like my own. Emily gasped when she saw him and shied into me. I suppose it's scary seeing an old person that looks a bit like you. "This is Naomi, Gina Campbell's daughter."

"Oh, finally!" Neil said, sounding both relieved and exasperated. "You!" He pointed at me, authoritative even from his deathbed. "Come sit in this chair."

I did as he asked and sat in the chair next to his bed. Emily followed since we didn't stop holding hands, and sat on the arm of the chair. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

"Now you tell your mother to _stop calling me at home and demanding child support!_ I ain't got nothing to do with that bastard child and I won't have nothing to do with that Gina fucking Campbell either!" Neil yelled, his heart monitors beeping like mad as he lunged towards me and grabbed my wrist tightly.

I tried to pry my hand away from him, confused and shocked at how quickly he'd regressed. Natalie pried him off me and tried to bring him back to the present but he pushed her away as well. His breathing was rough and he kept clutching at his chest. Natalie frantically pushed the alarm button next to my father's bed as his heart monitors continued to beep.

"Are you okay?" Emily whispered frantically into my ear as she pulled me off the chair and examined my wrist. It was obvious she was trying to get me to ignore the fact that my father was having a heart attack because of me, and that she was trying to get me away from him as quickly as possible.

Nurses flooded into the room and stood around. I frowned.

"What are you doing? Get a crash cart or something!" I ordered as the nurses began to congregate around my father's bed. A few of them looked anxiously at me, and a few of them shrugged and talked amongst themselves. He flatlined, and they were still doing nothing.

Natalie grabbed my free hand and I saw tears welling up in her eyes. "He signed a DNR months ago. They can't do anything for him," she said, her voice watery. "I'm so sorry, Naoms, I'm so sorry I called you here and you had to see him like this. He was completely lucid before you got here, I don't know what happened..."

Natalie continued to ramble on but I was paying attention to the nurses. One of them went into the hallway and came back in with a doctor. He unplugged the heart monitors and pressed his fingers to my father's neck. He looked back at Natalie and Emily and I and sent us a quick sorrowful glance.

"Time of death, 11:58 a.m."

* * *

I pulled back the foreign bedcovers and climbed in next to Emily. I snuggled up against her in bed, burying my face against her chest. She held my hand and tangled our fingers together, our wedding rings banging against each other. Emily was so soothing, everything about her. Her smell, the way she breathed, the way her hair tickled the skin of my cheek. She was exactly what I needed after today. Nat had let us stay at her place, in her spare room. At the moment, we were staying indefinitely, mostly to try to support Nat and help her with whatever she needed. Emily had phoned and taken familial emergency leave from work, and I had done the same. We were going to start planning the funeral tomorrow and we would have to be present for the reading of my father's will, whenever that would take place. I'd phoned my mother and explained where I was. She was surprised when I told her about my father's death, and even more surprised that I knew who my father was. But the nice thing about my mother is that she doesn't question things. She just accepts it for what it is. She gave me her condolences and said she'll be sending me all her strength over the next few days.

"Are you okay?" Emily whispered as she gently and soothingly ran her fingers through my hair.

I shrugged against her.

"I don't know. I met my father today and then I watched him die," I whispered, frowning at mine and Emily's joined hands. "When I was a little girl, I would play pretend. I'd pretend that I was a princess and that my daddy was the grandest, fairest king of all time. He loved me and gave me everything I wanted. And then I started to grow up. And I realized that my father wasn't a king, he was a bastard that denied my existence. He didn't pay child support and my mum had to work four jobs while I was growing up. I hardly ever saw her. We moved from city to city, skipping town just before rent was due. Mum didn't have any family that would take her in, and whatever family she did have was only interested in trying to take me away from her to give me a 'safe environment' to grow up in. If my dad was such a king, why wouldn't he let us live in his castle?

"And then I really grew up and I forgot all about him until I met Natalie. I had no interest in meeting him. He never wanted to meet me when I was growing up, so why should I want to meet him now that he was sick? And now, fast forward to today...I met him. He told me everything I already knew. That I wasn't good enough for him, that my mother wasn't good enough for him, and I was never really his daughter."

Emily continued to play with my hair to show me that she was listening.

"I'm not really upset, Em. I just feel silly for expecting something different."

Emily pulled me tighter into her and kissed me firmly.

"Hey," she whispered, brushing away a few stray tears. "I love you. I know just how amazing you are. Your dad missed out on the life of an absolutely amazing and wonderful daughter. It's his loss, darling, not yours."

I nodded against her and held her hand tightly. "Just promise me that our children will grow up with two parents that love them," I whispered. Emily smiled and kissed me.

"Look at all the people around us that love our baby already. My mum and dad, your mum and Kieran, Katie and Effy. Cook loved the idea of our baby so much that he agreed to be our donor! Our baby will never have a shortage of love, and our baby will always know that she was wanted," Emily whispered before kissing me again. "I love you."

Emily leant down and kissed my stomach. "And I _still_ love you, little sesame seed."

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**Author's note: Please don't forget to leave a review! I love hearing from you guys and hearing your thoughts on each chapter.**


	15. Landslide

**Author's Note: Happy update Sunday everyone! Some people left reviews saying that they were either depressed or wondering when things would turn around for Naomi and Emily - things definitely turn around for them this chapter. However, on a different note, this is my way of showing you their _life_ and it won't always be easy and daisies and roses. There are hard things that they will have to deal with as a couple and a family. This isn't pure fluff because life isn't pure fluff. I'm trying to make things as accurate as possible, so I hope that clears things up.**

**I think I replied to almost every review I got on the last chapter...I can't really remember as it has been a very hectic week. I'm getting ready to head back to Canada (yay!) and my time in England is coming to a close. Since my flight is on Friday and due to the time difference and settling in and such, I'm not sure that you will get the regularly scheduled update next Sunday, but I will try my best to get it out to you as soon as possible!**

**I recommend listening to _Landslide_ while reading the chapter - whether it be the Fleetwood Mac version, or the Dixie Chicks version, or the Glee version is up to you :)**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 15: Landslide

_Friday, August 9__th__, 2013_

It was the day of my father's funeral. Emily, Natalie and I had gone to Oxford Street early in the morning before the service to buy cheap black dresses that we could throw away after the funeral. I didn't want to ever have to see or wear the dress again. Emily and Natalie felt the same way about their dresses. Emily snuck into my dressing room and so we could have a quick and quiet conversation about all the pregnancy related stuff I'd been trying to keep quiet so Natalie wouldn't figure out that we were expecting.

"I think it's bad luck for a pregnant woman to go to a funeral," Emily said as she spun me around to zip up my dress, which I'd already paid for. We were headed straight to the church after we were done dress shopping, so there was no time to stop at Nat's flat to get changed.

Emily pursed her lips at the underwhelming dress. "Not bad," she murmured.

I hadn't started showing at all yet, save for my boobs which had already gotten fuller. I was quite thankful that I wasn't showing. Emily and I didn't really have a whole lot of money to spend on new maternity clothes since we were saving as much as we could to spend on the baby. I was going to try to stay in my normal clothes for as long as possible. Effy started showing when she was only 6 weeks along, and that was only one week away for me. I was just hoping that I'd be one of those oddball pregnant women that didn't show until they were six or seven months along.

"I've heard that it's bad luck to go to a funeral when you're pregnant, too, but I can't _not_ go to my dad's funeral," I whispered. "God, my boobs are popping out of this dress."

Emily smiled. "I'm not complaining," she mumbled. "Have you got any morning sickness yet?"

I shook my head. Effy had constant-sickness since even before she took a pregnancy test, so I found it rather lucky that I hadn't had any morning sickness yet. I felt more tired at the end of the day, but that was about it.

"Do you think Nat's noticed anything?" I whispered. Emily shrugged and smoothed a few creases out of my dress.

"I doubt it," Emily whispered before quickly kissing me. "See you out there in a minute."

She snuck out of my dressing room, and I heard the sound of her dressing room door quietly clicking shut.

All three of us met in the fitting room in our drab black dresses, and silently walked out of the shop. Natalie hailed a cab, and we headed straight to the church for the ceremony. There weren't very many people there, only a few business associates and family members...nobody that Emily and I knew. Natalie greeted everyone, thanked them for coming and introduced them to Emily and I. We offered them an unsure smile after each introduction. I couldn't be bothered to remember anyone's names, and I'm sure Emily didn't bother either. I was just surprised Emily and I hadn't combusted into flames as soon as we walked into the church – married lesbians expecting their first child together out of wedlock weren't exactly the Church's favourite type of people, after all.

We sat through the terribly boring funeral. I watched people walk up to the podium and say a few words about my father, even getting emotional over his death and I realized that each and every one of them knew my father better than I did. Emily squeezed my hand in assurance, as though she could tell what I was thinking about. She brought my hand up to her lips and gently kissed it.

After the funeral, a few people from the service, including Natalie, were heading to the cemetery to bury my father. Emily and I had already decided that we wouldn't go to the burial, since my father's lawyer was coming to Natalie's place to read the will. Emily and I were to go back to the flat, tidy up a bit and make ourselves look presentable. Once Natalie was back from the burial, the will was going to be read. Natalie had already assured me that the will was written when my father was lucid, so this was going to be the only way I'd ever really find out how he felt about me.

Natalie hailed a cab and drove to the cemetery behind the Herz which carried my father. Emily and I hailed a cab and went back to the flat.

"I'm exhausted," I said as I let myself in to the flat and took off my shoes. "And it's only 1:30."

Emily nodded at me. We didn't say anything else as we walked to the guest bedroom to get changed. I didn't know how to feel about everything that was happening. My father was dead, but I didn't really know the man. Was it bad that I didn't really feel sad over his death, or was that normal? I was so grateful that I had Emily by my side the whole time, never questioning my actions or feelings. She supported me one hundred percent. Even if she couldn't understand what I was going through, she still supported me.

We changed into more comfortable clothes and threw away our horrible funeral dresses as planned. Natalie ended up making it home even before my father's lawyer showed up, and she promptly changed and threw her funeral dress away too. Emily busied herself making tea sandwiches and laying out scones and biscuits for when the lawyer arrived. Natalie and I busied ourselves watching crappy TV.

My father's lawyer finally showed up an hour later, making him an hour and a half late.

"Sorry, sorry," he said hurriedly as he walked in and set his things down on the dining room table, almost knocking over a tray of Emily's perfectly arranged scones. Emily looked horrified. "Traffic was really horrible getting here. I hope you haven't been waiting long."

Natalie shrugged and we all sat down at the table. Emily seemed so cross over her plate of scones that she didn't offer to make anybody coffee or tea like we'd planned. I smiled, stifling laughter as I grabbed her hand under the table. She looked up at me and smiled once she saw the smile on my face, trying to tell her she was being silly and to just let the scone thing go.

"Okay, so let's get right to it," the lawyer said, not bothering to introduce himself to us. "Are all parties mentioned in the will present?"

Natalie nodded. "Yes, this is Mrs. Naomi Fitch-Campbell and this is her partner, Mrs. Emily Fitch-Campbell."

The lawyer nodded and offered us his hand. "Mr. Fitzherbert, pleased to meet you," he said as he quickly shook my hand and then Emily's.

He took out a neat file folder and opened it. "Okay... let's just get this done as quickly and painlessly as possible. Since Mr. Neil Roberts' wife died some years ago, he leaves his house, business, and £325 000 to his daughter, Natalie Roberts. A trust fund has been set up for any children Miss. Roberts may have, valued at £325 000. Mr. Neil Roberts leaves £325 000 to Naomi Fitch-Campbell and £325 000 to Naomi's wife, Emily Fitch-Campbell. A trust fund has been set up for any children the Fitch-Campbells may have, valued at £325 000. Neil's personal account, valued at £500 000 is to be donated to a charity of Natalie's choice."

"Holy shit," Emily whispered.

I was completely in shock. I knew my father was rich, but I had no idea he was _that_ rich.

Later that night, after dinner and the shock of the reading of my father's will, Emily and I went to climb into bed.

"I can't believe your father left us £650 000, not including the trust fund for our children. What the hell are we going to do with that money?" Emily said as she turned down the bed.

I was still in shock. I couldn't even imagine that much money. We had so many possibilities now. I could take time off work to raise the baby and not have to worry about how Emily and I would manage to pay the bills. We could go on vacation if we wanted to. We could buy a proper house, instead of staying in our flat that we'd eventually outgrow. We would be able to send our children to the best schools.

"I have no clue what we're going to do. I don't know anything about investments or stock options. I just...I don't know," I said, climbing into bed and rubbing my eyes. I felt completely exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally. The day had been too full, from the funeral to finding out that my father left Emily and I £650 000. The pregnancy was also starting to take its toll on my body. The mere thought of having that much money and not knowing what to do with it was making me sick. I couldn't understand it – Natalie was acting completely normal, and my world had been turned upside down. We were suddenly £650 000 richer than we had been this morning.

"Hey," Emily said, sending me a smile as she got into bed and opened her arms so I could cuddle into her. "Whatever we decide to do with that money, we'll decide together, okay? This is a great thing that your father did for us, so there's no reason why you should be sad about it. We'll be able to give our children a great life."

I nodded against her chest, though I couldn't help but think that if this was what my father decided to leave me in his will, it must have meant that he did actually care about me. And that thought, that tiny possibility, left me more confused now than I had been since I first found Natalie.

_Saturday, August 10th, 2013_

Emily and I left the next morning, convinced that Natalie would be able to manage things on her own, since she seemed much more prepared for our father's death than I had been. It became obvious at the reading of the will that Natalie was much more prepared for everything than I'd imagined, and was definitely more aware of my father's finances. I was completely thrown by the amount of money my father left Emily and I. I knew we'd get something, but I didn't expect £650 000. I was so excited to be heading back to Bristol and back to our normal lifestyle, I barely managed to get any sleep the night before. Or at least, that was what I was trying to tell myself. I really hadn't been able to get any sleep because I'd been up the whole night being sick. Emily stayed up with me until three in the morning, holding my hair back for me when I was sick and comforting me the whole time. I stayed up on my own after I told Emily to head back to bed and get some sleep. It seemed as though my happy days of no pregnancy nausea were over, even though they'd only lasted a week.

By about six in the morning, on zero hours of sleep and eight hours of nausea and vomiting, I managed to peel myself off the bathroom floor and get dressed and packed to head back to Bristol.

"Emily," I whispered as I shook Emily awake as gently as possible. "Can we go now? I miss Libby and Katie and Effy and I feel disgusting."

Emily groaned and got out of bed. "Fine, fine, just because I love you and because I feel bad that you've been sick all night, I'll get out of bed at 6:30 in the morning on a Saturday."

"Thank you," I mumbled before throwing myself into the armchair in the guest bedroom. Emily got herself ready and finished packing for me. I dozed off while she packed. Emily shook me awake gently and kissed me on the cheek. She smiled and handed me my shoes, which I slowly and tiredly put on.

"Come on, darling, let's go home," she said quietly. She grabbed my hand and helped me get out of the chair, which was quite difficult since I was so tired. "Thank you for sacrificing so much for our baby."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at her. The nausea was pretty bad but I'd do it a million times over for our family. Well...maybe not a million times. Maybe two or three or even four times.

We said goodbye to Nat and thanked her for letting us stay with her. I promised Nat that we would phone when things calmed down to arrange a weekend where she could come down to Bristol and visit us. Natalie agreed and seemed very enthusiastic about the idea.

The train ride was short and sweet, mostly because Emily and I slept the whole journey. When we finally got to Effy and Katie's, I was so excited to be back home and to see Libby that I let myself in using my "only for emergencies" key. Libby was sat on the staircase just in front of the door, looking horribly sad and mopey. As soon as she saw Emily and I, she ran down the stairs, barking and yapping and biting at our feet and giving us kisses. Effy and Katie came downstairs, Effy looking absolutely horrible and pale and Katie looking tired.

"Up all night having wild sex?" I asked jokingly. Effy rolled her eyes and Katie snorted.

"Yeah right. More like up all night holding Effy's hair back while she was sick," Katie replied, grabbing Effy's hand and kissing it gently. "My poor darling is not doing well with the nausea."

Emily smiled a secret smile at me. We kept our visit short, claiming we were excited to get Libby home and get settled again, but really we were terrified that we were going to let something baby-related slip. Effy and Katie knew about my father's death, but they didn't know about our inheritance yet, and I imagined that would have to be a conversation held over a quiet dinner, rather than telling a nauseated Effy and a tired Katie that we were suddenly £650 000 richer, not including the trust fund set up for our children.

When we finally got home, I took a quick shower while Emily made a light lunch and played with Libby, who was still rather excited to see us. I sat down at the kitchen table feeling much more refreshed. Emily set down my plate in front of me and sat across from me, smiling the whole time.

"What are you so happy about, darling?" I asked. I felt rather hungry now, and as such, found myself greedily digging into my turkey and cranberry sauce sandwich and side salad.

Emily smiled up at me and I saw that tears were glistening in her eyes. I grabbed her hand over the table, sensing that these were happy tears. I'd seen Emily cry so many sad tears that the sight of her happy tears made me smile and start to cry myself.

"I'm just...things are finally turning around for us, Naoms. Our baby, the inheritance...even meeting Natalie. Now our baby has one more Auntie that will love him just as much as Katie and Effy will. I can't wait to tell people about the baby, so I can show everyone how happy I am...how happy we are," Emily said, brushing away the few stray tears that fell down her face.

"I'm really happy too," I said, leaning over the table to kiss Emily gently.

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**Author's Note: Okay, so... I really want to hear your baby thoughts! We're going to skip ahead a few weeks in the next chapter, and it won't be long till Naomi and Emily will find out the baby's sex. What do you think they'll be having - boy or girl? I already know the sex of the baby and the baby's full name, but I think it'll be so fun to see what you guys think I have planned! So leave a review letting me know what you thought of the chapter, and also whether you think the baby will be a boy or girl! :)**


	16. Take A Walk

**Author's Note: I'm sorry I wasn't able to update last Sunday, but I was super tired and jet-lagged. I'm finally back home and back to normal, so here's the next chapter for you! Updates are back to the normal schedule, so I'll update every Sunday. Thanks so much for all the reviews last chapter. I'm still replying to each review I get :)**

**Try listening to _Take A Walk_ by Passion Pit while reading this chapter. **

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 16: Take A Walk

_Tuesday, August 13th, 2013_

Being pregnant definitely wasn't easy. I lay awake at 2:30 in the morning, fighting the urge to run to the bathroom and puke my guts out. My pregnancy nausea hadn't improved at all. I had been up every single night for at least 3 hours fighting my sickness and nausea since Saturday. Emily had tried her best to be supportive and wanted to stay up with me, but I couldn't bear to see her yawning and grumpy when her early morning call times would come around the next day. Her job was demanding and tiring for her, and my night-time nausea wasn't helping either of us get the rest we deserved. At least I could sleep a little during the day, which was one of the definite perks of working from home. Emily was stuck applying makeup all day long with hardly any time for breaks even just to sit down.

I really hadn't expected the nausea to be this bad. I'd already lost 2 pounds since Saturday, and both Emily and I were starting to get worried about how quickly I was losing weight. So tonight, I was forcing myself to stay in bed and not be sick.

Not only was the nausea seeming to get progressively worse, but now none of my bras fit. I'd already grown a full cup size and my boobs were starting to hurt so badly I was forced to ice them all day long. I'd ice for half an hour, then leave them for half an hour, and repeat all day long. At night was the only time I couldn't be bothered to ice my breasts to numb the soreness since I was too busy trying not to throw up. I wanted to cry and scream and then take a long well deserved nap because I was so fed up.

Emily had been extra stressed the past few days. She was always researching things to try to help with my nausea in her spare time. We tried using the wristbands that I'd originally bought for Emily for after her extraction surgery, since anesthesia often causes nausea. The wristbands obviously didn't work. Nothing we tried worked.

We were both tired and stressed just from all the pregnancy symptoms that were suddenly popping up. We didn't even bother to think about the inheritance money at all yet. The money had been deposited into our bank account a few days ago. The only thing we have decided is to just let it sit there for now. Emily had frowned when we got our monthly bank statement yesterday and sighed, the worried crease between her eyebrows present as she filed the statement away in the office. It was really a ridiculous amount of money that neither of us were prepared for. I knew nothing about investments or stocks, and Emily didn't either. I didn't know what was considered high-risk or low-risk. All either of us knew was that we didn't want to lose any of our money, especially with the baby coming.

The thought of all that money sitting in my bank account was hardly distracting me from my nausea. If anything, it was making it worse. I sighed and propped my pillows up higher, adjusting myself into a half-lying, half-sitting position. I sighed heavily and tried to do some positive visualization. I'd read in an article earlier in the day that most women used positive visualization when they were in active labour and that it helped get them through their contractions. I knew this nausea was nothing compared to labour, so I hoped for the best.

I imagined what our baby would look like. I wondered whether it would be a boy or a girl. I imagined the baby with lots of blonde hair and bright blue eyes, just like Cook and I had, but oddly enough, the baby had Emily's lips. I wasn't sure how exactly that happened, but it made me smile.

The positive visualization was just starting to work when I heard Emily whimper. She often had bad dreams, especially when she was stressed or overtired. She rolled onto her side so she was closer to me and wrapped her arm around my leg. She was still whimpering and when I moved my hand down to feel her cheek, I noticed that she was crying. I decided that waking her up was the best option. Emily was always grumpy and moody the day after she had a bad nightmare, so I figured it was best if I ended her nightmare before it turned too ugly.

I shook Em awake as gently as I could, whispering to her that she had a bad dream. She nodded and came to sit up next to me and cuddled into my side.

"Nausea keeping you up?" She asked a few moments later. I nodded.

"What was your dream about?" I asked. Emily grabbed my hand and started playing with my wedding bands, an action that she only did when she was stressed or worried about something.

"The usual. John Foster," Emily said, sighing heavily. "Ever since he's been released, I feel like I'm not safe. Like he's out there and he's going to get me one day. I'm even more paranoid than I used to be, constantly looking over my shoulder when I'm on the street. It's like I'm just waiting for him to pop up and ruin my life all over again. I don't know what to do, Naoms. Now it isn't just me I have to worry about. I have you and the baby, too."

I hugged Emily closer to me because I really didn't know what to say right now. I wasn't sure how to comfort Em because, to be honest, I was worried about the exact same thing as she was. I knew that John would have to be a real idiot to come after Emily, a woman that has a restraining order against him and who he has been found guilty of abducting and raping. But I wasn't sure that the consequences would stop a man like John Foster from getting revenge on Emily for what she did to him. And now, Emily and I didn't have just ourselves to worry about, just as Em had pointed out. Soon, we'd have a baby. Our family would be in danger every day that John was out of prison. I couldn't think of anything that could keep my family safe. So I just held my wife as tightly as I could. And soon both Emily and I fell asleep, despite the worrying thoughts crossing both our minds.

The next morning I woke up earlier than usual to make breakfast for Emily as a treat. She smiled at me and didn't seem to be grumpy or moody because of her nightmares last night. She left at 6:30 that morning for work. I didn't eat any breakfast because I was still feeling nauseous. Really it was quite an achievement that I even managed to make Emily any breakfast since the sight and smell of food usually made me sick.

I went back into the bedroom, made the bed, and set down Libby's dog food bowl. Libby came sprinting out of the office where she slept, laid down in front of her bowl and ate. I went to get dressed to take Libby for her walk, trying to fight off my nausea using my positive visualization again.

By the time both Libby and I were ready to go out for our morning walk, it was almost 8 o'clock. We were running half an hour late. I took Libby to the park across the street from our apartment building as I always did, but something felt off. I had a knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away and it was making my nausea a hundred times worse. My palms felt sweaty and I wasn't breathing properly. I sat down on a bench to try to catch my breath and calm myself down. Libby was so worried by the way I was acting that she wasn't interested in doing any of her normal morning walk routines. She hopped up onto the bench next to me and perched her front paws on my legs, whimpering and licking the side of my face.

After a few minutes of trying to regain my breath, I decided Libby's walk would have to be cut way short. I walked the short distance back to the apartment, Libby at my side and watching me carefully the whole way home. As soon as we got into the apartment, I went to lay down on the couch and Libby hopped up onto my lap. She laid her head down on me and seemed to sigh in relief. She barely moved, save for tilting her head to lick my wrist every few minutes. Eventually, I felt better enough to take a nap to catch up on my lost sleep from last night.

When I woke up from my nap at around 11 o'clock that morning and I still felt uneasy, I made a rather rash decision. I called Effy, with every intention of inviting her over and telling her absolutely everything that I had been keeping from her for the past few weeks. Maybe keeping secrets from my best friend was why I was feeling so anxious. Maybe I just needed to talk to someone who was going through the same thing as I was. I didn't know what possessed me to call Effy without consulting Emily, but I did. I knew that Emily would understand, given how anxious and stressed I was feeling. The stress and anxiety wasn't good for me and it certainly wasn't good for the baby.

"Hello!" Effy called from the front door, letting herself in as I'd instructed her to. "I come bearing Chinese food, just like you asked."

Effy walked over to the couch and sat next to Libby, who refused to move from her spot next to me on the couch. Effy put the food on the coffee table and looked over at me with a smile on her face, which quickly faded when she saw how I looked.

"Wow, Naoms, you look like microwaved shit. What's wrong?"

"I'm six weeks pregnant and nauseous and tired all the time and I'm miserable and my boobs hurt and my dad left Emily and I £650 000 plus a trust fund for our children that's worth £350 000. We don't know what to do with the money and all the stress is making me sick and I couldn't even take Libby for a walk this morning because I had a massive anxiety attack at the park and I'm so tired and Emily's rapist was released from prison and we're both so worried about whether he'll come after our family or hurt Emily again. And I feel so guilty that I've kept all this from you because you're like a sister to me and sisters shouldn't keep secrets from each other and I'm starting to learn that now and I missed you."

Effy stared at me, mouth agape and completely shocked. She took a deep breath in and her forehead creased in concentration.

"That's a lot to take in all at once," she said quietly before smiling over at me. "We can be pregnancy buddies!"

And then Effy leaned over to hug me and congratulate me and I started crying into her shoulder. I was an absolute mess. I couldn't keep track of any of my emotions, but I knew that Effy would understand and maybe even start crying with me.

Effy didn't say much else about the pregnancy and eventually got me to eat some Chinese food, which seemed much more appealing now that I'd gotten all my secrets off my chest. Thankfully, Effy understood why I had to keep those secrets from her and even offered me financial advice to help deal with my inheritance issue. She also gave me a card with her midwife's number on it so we could have the same midwife and we swapped pregnancy horror stories. It felt so good to have Effy back in my life and knowing everything that was going on. Talking to Emily about things and talking to Effy about things were two completely different circumstances. I got a sense of relief and accomplishment from talking to both of them, but there's just a special _something_ about talking to a friend that you've known for years and years. I was so glad that I had Effy, and I was even more glad that we got pregnant at around the same time. We went on a due date calculator website and found out that Effy's due date was March 4th, 2014 and that mine was April 7th, 2014.

We chatted for such a long time but we didn't notice how quickly time was passing. Before we had even finished saying everything we wanted to say, it was time for Effy to go home and start making dinner for Katie, and it was time for me to start tidying the flat a bit before Emily got home. I made Effy promise to not tell Katie about the pregnancy just yet, and then I made a promise to her that Emily and I would tell Katie ourselves by Friday since apparently Effy couldn't keep a secret from Katie for more than three nights.

Emily came home about half an hour later than usual, which I normally wouldn't notice. But today, my guilty conscience kept me glancing at the clock. I knew I'd made a pretty big mistake, telling Effy about my pregnancy and the inheritance without consulting Emily first. The things I told Effy didn't just concern me, they concerned both Emily and I, which was why I felt so guilty about not talking to Emily about it beforehand. But when Emily walked in looking dead tired and like she was about to cry, I knew better than to bombard her with my own guilt from the day without asking her about her own day.

"Em, what's wrong?" I asked as I walked over to her. I grabbed her handbag and cases and a few shopping bags and set them down by the door while Emily took her shoes off. She didn't say anything and just walked over to me and hugged me tightly.

"It's John," She said, finally looking me in the eye. My body froze at the mention of his name, but I knew things weren't as bad as I thought when Emily smiled slightly. "It's okay. Relax. I just had a call from my lawyer and he's been arrested. He violated the terms of his probation. But you're not gonna like the next part."

Emily sighed and walked into the kitchen, smiling when she saw I'd already started making dinner. It was a rare occasion when I made dinner. But my main concern right now wasn't impressing Emily with my somewhat limited culinary skills. I was dying to know how John Foster had violated his terms of probation.

"He also violated the terms of my restraining order against him. He came within 100 feet of our apartment. He was found in the park across the street early this morning and was arrested at about 8:30."

My blood completely froze. I had left the park only a few minutes before 8:30. The feelings of anxiety were starting to come back to me – maybe I hadn't been feeling guilty about keeping secrets from Effy this morning. Maybe some part of me knew that I was in danger.

I pulled out a dining chair and sat down, burying my hands in my face. Emily came over to rub my back.

"Hey, it's okay. I know it's a bit scary...oh my god, Naoms, are you crying?"

"I was late taking Libby for her walk this morning. I took her to the park at about 8 this morning instead of at 7:30 like normal. I was in the park when I started having a huge anxiety attack and I left at about 8:20 after trying to calm myself down. I thought I was feeling guilty from keeping things from Effy and that was why I had a panic attack. But it was because John Foster and I were in the park at the same time," I said quietly. Emily looked just as shocked as I felt. "He came too close this time, Ems, way too close. What if he knew I was your wife? What if he knew where we lived, and watched me walk out of the apartment building and everything? If they hadn't caught him, he'd probably have tried to break into the apartment and hurt us."

Emily hugged me and tried to comfort me, but I knew this was only the beginning unless John was finally locked away for good, which I doubted he would be just for violating a restraining order and the terms of his probation.

I felt completely unsafe and worried for my family, and I knew Emily felt the same. A man that I'd never even met before was slowly tearing apart our life together.

I had been so upset that I had completely forgotten that I needed to tell Emily about the whole Effy scenario until we were finally in bed that night.

"Em, I made a mistake today," I said sheepishly. Emily looked over at me from her side of the bed, where Libby was laid on her lap begging for a belly rub. "I sort of told Effy about the pregnancy and the inheritance and everything. I just felt so guilty about not telling her things and I wanted to get it all off my chest. I'm really sorry that I didn't talk to you about it first though."

Emily sighed heavily and started giving Libby a belly rub. "It's okay, Naoms. Now we just have to tell my sister soon and then we'll wait to announce it to everyone else. But we can't ask Effy to keep it a secret from Katie for too long, that isn't fair on their relationship."

I nodded and leaned over to kiss Em on the cheek. "Thank you for understanding. We can invite them over for dinner sometime this week and we'll tell Katie then."

Emily nodded and took my hand in hers. "Just don't tell anybody else without letting me know first, yeah?"

I nodded at her and kissed her again. But I still couldn't get John out of my head. I just wished Emily and I could somehow take a break from everything that was worrying us.

And suddenly, I had an idea that could put some of our inheritance money to use.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought!**

**See you next Sunday :)**


	17. Telling the Family

**Author's Note: Sorry the update is slightly delayed! This chapter was supposed to be much longer but the announcement party sort of morphed into this crazy thing that slowly turned into a whole chapter. **

**Thanks so much for the reviews! Please keep them coming :)**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 17: Telling the Family

_Wednesday, August 28, 2013_

"Em! Where did you put the hummus and vegetables I cut up earlier?" I called out as I frantically searched through our fridge. Today was the day of Effy's and my joint pregnancy announcement party. Naturally, Emily was off getting ready at the last minute since she had spent all day long worrying about how her mother was going to react to the news, and I was left alone in the kitchen to fend for myself. I was currently frantically searching for a plate of vegetables and dip that we'd prepared earlier. It was the last thing I needed to put on the food table, which was already pretty full of hors d'oeuvres and a few other things Emily had prepared earlier.

We had invited absolutely everyone over, save for Anthea, who was off in Italy somewhere. Jenna, Rob, and James, my mum and Kieran, Cook, Pandora and Thomas, and even JJ, his wife Lara and their two sons were coming. Everybody that was coming over thought we were just hosting a quick get together to catch up with everyone. We put the huge table that held all the food in the middle of the living room, which was also where everybody was going to sit for drinks and snacks. We weren't doing a full dinner, but we'd prepared enough food for everyone to have at least two helpings. We moved the couches off to one side of the room to clear space for the large table. Libby had been confusedly staring at the living room for about two hours now, as though she was waiting for us to ask if she approved of the set up.

It was still a bit risky for Emily and I to be announcing the pregnancy since I was still only nine weeks. Effy was twelve weeks, just heading into her second trimester, and Emily and I were just too excited to wait any longer to announce the pregnancy. We hadn't even found the time to make an appointment with a midwife yet, but we already knew that we were going to use the same midwife as Katie and Effy, who wouldn't stop singing her praises. We had sat Katie down to dinner about two days after I told Effy about the pregnancy and broke the news to her. She was so ecstatic she started to cry and wouldn't stop hugging Emily and I, much to my surprise. Katie rarely showed me any affection, and most of the time I was trying to figure out whether she even liked me. I had never seen her as happy as she was that night.

Katie and Effy were the first people to arrive. They were both so ridiculously excited, which just made Emily and I even more excited than we already were. Effy and I went out earlier in the week to buy our first maternity clothes together, which we were proudly sporting tonight. Effy was wearing maternity skinny jeans that actually looked good on her, and a distressed grey jumper. Since Effy was so tiny already, her bump was actually pretty obvious. I was wearing a black maxi dress that apparently showcased my breasts, as Emily helpfully pointed out while I was getting dressed. My boobs had grown even larger, making me a 36D, which meant that Emily was borderline obsessed with my breasts. I wasn't that bothered with them, honestly. I was showing already, even if it was just a little bit. My bump was definitely much less obvious than Effy's. But that little bit of baby bump meant I no longer fit into my normal jeans. Buying my first pair of maternity jeans was probably one of the scariest moments of my life, to be honest. I really don't understand why. All I know is that Effy had to talk me down from a panic attack as soon as I put them on. It could be because they were absolutely hideous and made my butt look like a massive rectangle. When I got home from the shopping trip and showed them to Emily she frowned and returned them for me the next day. She ordered me a much nicer (and much more expensive pair) from online, which thankfully made my butt look good.

"Well, look at this fancy system you've got here," Katie said as she pointed out our brand new alarm system. Emily and I had bought it just after we found out about John and his little episode in the park. It made us feel just a bit safer, which we both found very important at the moment. "Bet that cost you two a pretty penny."

Katie smiled and winked at us. To both Emily's and my surprise, Katie wasn't jealous when we told her about the inheritance money. She seemed to have really grown over the time I'd known her, and I couldn't help but think that Effy had quite a lot to do with that change.

"Yeah, well, it was a purchase we had to make. With Naomi working from home all day, I wasn't going to let her feel unsafe now that John apparently knows where we live, even if he is going to be in prison for quite some time," Emily replied as she poured Effy and I a glass of mango juice. She handed the glasses to us with a smile and kissed me on the cheek.

Emily's lawyer had phoned her the other day to let her know that John was sentenced to one year in prison for violating the terms of his probation and breaking the restraining order. It provided us with only a little comfort since we both knew just how unjust the justice system could be. It was likely that John would get out of prison early yet again, but Emily and I really couldn't dwell on that thought. We had to try and move on from all the John Foster bullshit and we definitely couldn't live our lives in fear any longer.

Emily's parents and her brother were the next guests to arrive, quickly followed by my mother and Kieran. JJ, his wife Lara, and their two sons, Albert and Gregory showed up mere minutes before Cook. Albert was completely fascinated with Libby and wouldn't leave her side. Libby was just happy to have a playmate. Gregory, however, was still breastfeeding and as soon as he took one look at me, he immediately wanted to come over to me. He wouldn't stop staring at my boobs and touching them, much to Lara and JJ's embarrassment.

"I'm so so sorry!" Lara said as she tried to pry Gregory from my arms. Gregory was having absolutely none of that, and held onto the strap of my bra for dear life. Emily laughed along with Cook and basically everybody else who couldn't help but notice my expanding bra size.

"I know, Gregory, I like those quite a lot too," Emily said, walking over to Greg and I as Greg happily giggled and slapped my chest. Gregory didn't leave my side the whole night, save for when he actually needed to be fed and when he finally fell asleep.

Pandora and Thomas arrived slightly late. Pandora said she was jealous of me because my "bazookas" (as Pandora happily nicknamed them) stole all of baby Greg's attention and she wanted to play with him. I tried to hand him to her at least five times before I eventually gave up. Greg simply was not having _any_ of that.

Once everybody was settled down and had a drink in their hands, Effy and I went into the office where we'd prepared gift bags to give to Jenna and my mum. Jenna was getting two bags and my mum was getting one. We placed the proper bags in front of each of the women and then sat back down in our seats. Emily grabbed my hand tightly and I felt so nervous I felt as though I was going to pass out.

"Mum, wait to open your bag until Jenna's about to open the second bag," I instructed with a smile. My mum smiled back and shrugged. I think she knew what was coming, considering I'd confided in her a few months ago that Emily and I were trying for a baby. Cook looked so excited he was practically bouncing in his seat.

Jenna opened the first gift bag and pulled out a white onesie that had writing on the front. She screamed and ran over to hug Katie and Effy. Rob curiously grabbed the onesie and read out what was written on it.

"Baby Fitch-Stonem, due March 4th, 2014," He said with a proud smile as he turned the onesie so everybody could see. There was a picture of Effy proudly showing off her baby bump, with Katie standing behind her, placing a delicate hand on the bump. Cook cheered and almost woke Gregory up, Lara and JJ offered their congratulations, Pandora and Thomas started doing a happy dance in the middle of the living room, and Kieran looked awkward and uncomfortable. Kieran generally looked awkward and uncomfortable, though.

"Mum," Emily said tentatively, interrupting Jenna's happy tears and squeals as she hugged Effy senseless. "Don't forget about the other bag. Gina's waiting for you."

My mum had a knowing smile on her face as both she and Jenna started to open the second bag. My mum practically flew across the table to hug me while Jenna screamed and squealed and borderline suffocated both Emily and I. Rob read out the writing on the second onesie as well.

"Baby Fitch-Campbell, due April 7th, 2014," He said with yet another proud smile. He turned the onesie around again and showed the picture of me holding up my shirt and showing off my baby bump while Emily leant down to kiss it. Cook got up to join Pandora and Thomas while they were doing their happy dance, Kieran offered me a wide smile and many congratulations, and JJ and Lara finally seemed to understand why Gregory had been so fascinated by my breasts.

"Babies are a most wonderful thing and our group is being doubly blessed!" Thomas said as he walked over to hug Effy and I.

Pandora offered to babysit, which I found slightly scary, but I found myself promising that I would keep her offer in mind. JJ had a quiet moment with Emily and hugged me, while Lara was busy telling me about all her pregnancy horrors. The most worrying thing she told me was that my boobs were only going to get bigger.

"Seriously, Naomi, they're not even that big yet," Lara said, giving me a wide eyed glance. "You just wait till the baby comes. I felt like I had watermelons on my chest. Watermelons, Naomi."

After Lara was finished scaring the crap out of me, everybody started to trickle on home, save for Katie, Effy, Jenna, Rob, James, and Gina. Kieran left, claiming he had to have an early night since he had work the next day.

Emily went into the kitchen to make everyone a cup of tea. Jenna and Rob were sat next to each other, each with positively huge grins on their faces. James had wandered off a few hours earlier to watch a movie in the office, though he did give his congratulations to both Effy and Katie and Emily and I.

"I can't believe I'm gonna be a grandma twice over," Jenna beamed. Effy smiled and Katie gave an unsure look to her mum.

"I can't believe how well you're handling this," Katie said, always the one to voice her opinion. Jenna's reaction, though a relief, definitely was surprising. "I mean, you nearly passed out when you found out about Effy and I. I didn't think this was going to be much different."

Jenna shrugged and smiled. "As I've been getting older, I've started to realize that the things I once thought were important aren't actually important at all. I don't care whether you're committed to a man or a woman, Katiekins, as long as you're happy, I'm happy. Of course, the same goes for Emily. Seeing you girls as happy as you've been over the past few years has really opened my eyes. It's the same happiness I felt when I first met your father, the same happiness I felt when I first had you girls," Jenna smiled, looking down at her wedding rings and then at Rob. "I'm so happy you're both going to be able to experience having a family."

Gina smiled at Jenna, and then turned to me. "You know I'm so happy and proud of you, Naoms. You've finally pulled your shit together," My mum said, making both of us laugh. "I'm just happy to see you happy, love. Remember, love, happiness doesn't always come to you in the people or places you expect. I'm quite certain that if I had told you five years ago that right now you'd be settled down, married and expecting your first child with your wife, you would have laughed in my face and told me what a fucking cow I was."

Mum smiled at me and reached over the table, grabbing my hand and holding it tightly. "I'm so happy for you...all of you!"

Effy and Katie laughed. Emily brought the mugs of tea in on a very full tray, almost spilling tea on Libby.

"Gina – milk with two sugars, Dad – one sugar, Mum – black, Katie – milk only, and Naomi and Effy get water because they're not allowed caffeine!" Emily said proudly as she handed out the mugs to everybody.

Effy and I looked at each other at the same time and sighed. I missed tea. At least Emily was kind enough not to drink it in front of me, though I knew she was still drinking it at work.

Eventually, everybody slowly trickled out of the apartment, leaving Emily, Libby and I in our usual peace and quiet.

"Well, that went well," Emily said as she locked the door behind her parents and James, who were the last to leave. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, dropping a kiss on her shoulder.

"Yeah, who knew Jenna Fitch was actually a great big softie at heart?" I said. Emily shrugged and laughed.

"I suppose she just wants the best for her kids. Hopefully she'll make a good grandmother."

I nodded against Emily's shoulder. "I wonder what type of grandmother my mum will be."

Emily looked at me with complete shock in her eyes. "Are you kidding me? Your mum will be the stereotypical save-the-earth grandma who teaches our kids how to recycle and plant a vegetable garden."

I laughed at the image of my mum teaching our children how to garden and recycle, and probably educating them about the issues of coal and telling them about how Greenpeace started. Typical Gina, really. Saving the world one lentil at a time.

"What kind of mums do you think we'll be?" I murmured. Emily shrugged and sighed.

"Good ones, I hope."

And with that, we followed each other to our bedroom, shutting off the lights in the flat that remained. As I lay in bed that night, fighting yet another bought of nausea, I couldn't help but imagine exactly what I would have said 5 years ago to the idea of getting married and having kids. I looked over at the woman beside me and smiled. She'd changed me, and it was one hundred percent for the better. I laid my hand over my small baby bump and sighed heavily. I started to do my positive visualization again, imagining the baby that was growing inside me. But this time, I saw more than I usually did.

I saw a gorgeous baby with blonde hair and blue eyes. The baby had the widest, most gorgeous smile in the universe. I watched as the baby cried out in the middle of the night, waking both Em and I. It was Emily who reached over into the crib to calm and quiet our child – I was far too busy catching up on sleep to even wake up.

I realized at that moment that even though this child was not Emily's biologically, they would bond together just like I would bond with our baby. I hadn't even realized that I was worried about how Emily would bond with our baby, but the image I had playing before my eyes told me that I had nothing to worry about. Emily would be a wonderful mother to our child.

Emily rolled over onto her side at that moment and draped her arm protectively across my baby bump.

"Love you guys," She mumbled, already half-asleep.

"We love you back," I replied, leaning down to kiss her gently.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought! I reply to each review I get :)**


	18. I Will Wait

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry this update is late! I really have no decent excuse, I just didn't manage my time properly this past week. I still haven't even had a chance to reply to reviews! I plan on doing that as soon as this chapter is posted, so I'm very sorry if I haven't responded to your review yet!**

**This chapter is named after the new Mumford and Sons song, _I Will Wait._ Give it a listen if you like.**

**As usual, I don't own Skins or have anything to do with it. **

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Chapter 18: I Will Wait

_Friday, August 30th, 2013_

I was curled up on the couch with Libby, nervously biting at my nails while watching TV and waiting for Emily to come home from work. The day had been miserable and rainy and full of nervous butterflies in my stomach. Emily was coming home early from work because today was our first midwife appointment. We were both rather nervous, though Emily seemed more nervous than I was. She already had drafted up a full three page list of questions to ask our poor midwife. Katie and Effy had already assured us that the first appointment wasn't anything to get worried over. But of course, Emily and I managed to get worried over something that was supposedly easy and straightforward.

Emily loudly ran through the door, looking an absolute mess. She was out of breath and was bent forward in an attempt to catch her breath.

"Am...Am I late? Is she here yet? Did you hear the heartbeat?" She wheezed, dropping all her things and shutting the door behind her. I smiled at her and walked towards her.

I grabbed her arm and kissed her gently. "You're not late, Em," I said, trying to hold back my laughter.

Em sighed and let me lead her towards the couch. "I lost...my watch and my cell phone died. I couldn't find a clock anywhere in the office so I just left! No one was there to give me the time! I got so worried I missed the appointment," Em sighed as she sat down. "Would you make me a cup of tea, love? I feel like I'm about to pass out."

I nodded and kissed her again before I went into the kitchen to make Em her cup of tea. The scariest part about this all was that for once in our relationship, I was the calm one. My pregnancy had turned Emily into a complete worry wart, and though I loved how concerned she was, I was also pretty concerned that she was going to worry herself into a heart attack. Then again, I also knew she had a lot on her plate at the minute. Not only was today our first midwife appointment, but earlier in the week was our joint announcement party with Katie and Effy. Emily had been quite worried about how her mother would take to the news that we were expecting. We'd also received an unexpected phone call from Natalie last night, saying that she'd managed to get the weekend off and asking if she could come to Bristol for a visit. Of course, we couldn't say no. We had invited her to the announcement party and she wasn't able to make it since it was in the middle of the week, so we hadn't told her about the pregnancy just yet. This weekend was going to be the perfect opportunity to do so. She was arriving later that night, a few hours after our midwife appointment. Emily had been pretty busy last night trying to set up the guest bedroom, which had been unused ever since Katie and Effy moved out.

I finished up making Em's cup of tea and handed it to her. She sighed as she took her first sip and I smiled, despite my jealousy. I desperately wanted a cup of tea, but since I was pregnant and caffeine and pregnancy didn't mix, I couldn't have a cup.

As soon as I was about to sit down next to Emily and take a few minutes to relax, the doorbell rang. I sighed and walked over to the door, leaving Emily in her few moments of peace and serenity sat next to our dog.

I opened the door and was surprised to see that my midwife had showed up an hour early. I awkwardly gawked at her for a moment and checked my watch before smiling at her.

"You're early," I said, moving over to let her in. She smiled apologetically at me and dragged in her bags full of equipment.

"I'm so sorry, I hope this is a convenient time! I was going to call beforehand but I couldn't get through to the contact number you left. Long story short is that I've been called in to assist a twin VBAC birth this evening, and I needed to reschedule a few appointments this afternoon to fit everything in," the midwife said, still smiling brightly at me. "I'm Anna, pleased to meet you."

I smiled at her and shook her already extended hand. "I'm Naomi, and this is my wife, Emily," I replied, gesturing to Emily who was hastily finishing her cup of tea and waving. Anna looked between the two of us and quickly caught sight of my bump, which made me laugh. "And yes, I'm the one who's pregnant."

Anna blushed and smiled, taking another look at Emily. "Oh, you're Katie's sister! She had mentioned that you two would be calling me shortly. Well, okay, mamas, well let's get right down to it then. Do you want to just do the appointment on the couch or would you prefer a bedroom? Either would work well for me."

I gestured over to the couch and made my way over there, trailed by Anna who was weighed down by all her bags. She set everything up and pulled over our ottoman to sit on in front of Emily and I.

"Okay," Anna said as she fiddled around with a fetal doppler system. "Any questions before I start working my magic here?"

Emily nodded. "What's a VBAC birth? You know, you just mentioned you had to assist a twin VBAC birth?"

Anna nodded and smiled. "VBAC is an acronym for vaginal birth after cesarean. Hospitals no longer perform vaginal births after cesareans, which is becoming a growing issue for mothers who had an emergency cesarean or were pushed into a cesarean by their doctor in their first labour. Most of these women just want to have normal vaginal births after they've had their cesarean sections, but hospitals won't allow it. There isn't that much of an increased risk associated with vaginal labour after a cesarean, but that slight risk that is associated with VBACs now gives the hospitals enough ammunition to no longer allow for VBACs to occur at all. This increases the hospital's number of c-sections, which increases hospital revenue and also shows a decreased risk of a malpractice lawsuit being slapped on the doctor performing the c-section. Of course, they don't say that a c-section is itself much more risky than a VBAC, since a c-section is a very major operation and recovery time is much longer than recovery from a vaginal birth. And there I go rambling on and on about hospital bullshit. Sorry about that," Anna smiled at us. "Any other questions before I begin?"

"Just a tiny one," I ventured. "Will you be able to tell us the baby's sex?"

Anna nodded and smiled.

"You can come into the office where we have a full ultrasound machine for a scan once you're a bit farther along in your pregnancy. We'll be able to predict the baby's sex at around 18 weeks."

I sighed, relieved that I would be able to find out the baby's sex in about 8 weeks. I knew Emily was already dying to know the baby's sex, probably because she was also dying to start buying clothes, furniture and start decorating the nursery immediately. I wasn't too bothered with finding out the baby's sex for those purposes, I was just dying to start thinking of baby names. I already had one secret baby name in mind that I hadn't told anybody about yet, and I didn't plan on mentioning it until the absolute last minute...even if that last minute was as I was pushing this baby out of me.

Anna was finally able to start up the fetal doppler system and get to work. She asked me to lift my top, which I did. She squirted some really cold crap on my stomach and then swirled the wand around, searching for the baby's heartbeat. She had a set of headphones plugged in, so Emily and I weren't able to hear anything just yet.

"Now, don't get worried if we don't hear anything today. You're still quite early on and..." Anna trailed off as her brow furrowed. She smiled a few seconds later. "Pretend I didn't just say any of that. Are you ready to hear your baby's heartbeat?"

Emily grabbed my hand, squeezing it so tightly her rings started to dig into my skin. We were both smiling huge smiles as we eagerly nodded. Anna unplugged the headphones from the doppler set and adjusted a few things on the set before putting the wand against my stomach again. We heard some whooshing noises that sounded sort of like being under water, and then we heard it. That unmistakable loud and fast pumping of our baby's heart. It made the pregnancy so much more real. There was a _person_ inside me.

Emily cried almost right away, which made me start crying. I had almost completely forgotten that Anna was even in the room when she cleared her throat and interrupted our moment of complete bliss.

"And also, just to let you know, there's definitely just _one_ heartbeat in there. I know when I went to see your sister and her partner a few weeks ago, Katie had mentioned something about there possibly being six babies inside Effy, which Effy didn't seem all that excited about," Anna said with a smile.

Emily and I both laughed, remembering Katie's mathematical explanation regarding how many babies Effy could have been carrying. Even though I knew Ems and Katie were completely separate individuals with their own distinct personality traits, it was eery how similarly they were responding to both Effy's and my pregnancy. Both had turned into worriers, though Emily was slightly worse than Katie was. There were moments where Effy and I would catch Katie and Emily sneakily planning or worrying about baby related things in a way that only twin sisters could. Eff and I would just smile at each other and roll our eyes, as though to say 'those darned Fitch twins' and just carry on with our days. In a way, there was nothing either of us could do to stop our partners from worrying about us, and in yet another way, I understood where they were coming from. They weren't the ones experiencing all the changes that Effy and I had to surrender ourselves to. Katie and Emily still retained some kind of control over their lives, whereas Effy and I never knew where our day was headed. Most days I barely even knew if I would have enough energy to get out of bed after fighting nausea all night. Where Effy and I had lost our control, Katie and Effy had taken it over. It was a good thing – they just wanted to protect us and try to make things as easy as possible for us.

Anna left shortly after she finished with the fetal doppler. Apparently, Emily was so assured by Anna's thorough exam that she forgot entirely about her three page list of questions. Anna seemed to have a calming effect on the both of us. We scheduled another appointment with her for three weeks from then.

As soon as Anna left, Emily and I flew into action to get the spare room ready for Natalie's imminent arrival. We made the bed and added extra pillows, we grabbed all our fluffiest guest towels and placed them on the bed alongside a nice and fluffy bathrobe. Emily even went out earlier in the day to buy nice travel sized shampoos and soaps for Natalie to use. She was going to be the first proper guest to stay in our apartment, and if Emily had anything to do with it, it was going to be just like she was staying in a hotel.

"I hope she likes the pillows," Emily murmured as we finally got to sit down together on the couch for a few peaceful moments. "She had such nice pillows in her spare bedroom."

I smiled and kissed her cheek.

"I'm sure she'll love the pillows, Em. Don't worry about Nat, I'm sure she'll be very happy just to be here with us," I said, snuggling into Emily's side. Em draped her arm around me and sighed and looked around at the apartment with a concerned look on her face.

"Naoms," she murmured quietly, almost as though she wasn't quite sure she wanted to say what she was about to say. "Where will our guests sleep once the baby comes? We won't have a spare room."

I shrugged. I'd never really thought about how quickly we'd outgrow the apartment. When I bought the place, I wasn't really thinking about having my family in this space or watching my children grow up here. I was thinking that I needed an extra bedroom because, at the time, Effy had just left Freddie and wouldn't get off my couch. If Emily and I decided to have any more children, we would need a bigger home. The apartment was really full of safety hazards that I'd never noticed before – balconies that didn't have safe railings, slippery hardwood floors that our children could fall and bang their heads on. I didn't even _know_ who my neighbours were or what type of people they were. Plus, carrying a pram and carseat up into the elevator would be no easy feat for me to do by myself twice every day when I would take Libby for her walks. The parking lot (though we didn't have a car yet, but were planning on buying one) was in the basement of the apartment building, meaning it was dark and often unlit and felt quite unsafe. Would I feel safe walking through that parking lot with my baby?

I realized then just how quickly we were outgrowing the home I'd come to love so much.

"Well...that's something to think about, isn't it?" I grumbled, not exactly keen on the idea of selling the flat and moving. Moving and buying another place was an awful lot of work that I just wasn't sure I was ready to commit to yet, considering I'd only been living here for about a year. But I couldn't deny that Emily was right – we were outgrowing our home, our beloved flat, our love nest.

I suppose the next thing on our shopping list was a house.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review! I still reply to each and every one.**

** Updates will be back to normal from now on, so expect an update on Sunday :) **


	19. Back to December

**Author's Note: I am so sorry I missed my usual Sunday update this past week! Things were very hectic. So, to make up for it, I'm giving you a Friday update as well as a Sunday update this weekend. **

**The chapter title comes from Taylor Swift's _Back to December_. Give it a listen while reading if you like :)**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins**

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Chapter 19: Back to December

_Saturday, August 31st, 2013_

Natalie had got in to Bristol late Saturday night so she ended up being completely exhausted by the time she actually made it to the flat. That was perfectly fine with me, considering I hadn't even managed to stay up to welcome her to our flat. Thankfully, Emily took care of that for me and apparently, Natalie didn't mind. It was the first night that I managed to sleep through the whole night without waking up with nausea. We all even managed to sleep in just a little bit, which just made the whole night seem that much better.

Emily was in the kitchen making breakfast when I came back from Libby's walk. Natalie was sat at our table, busy chatting with Emily. As soon as I walked in and she looked at me she sprung up from the table and ran to hug me.

"I missed you! I'm so sorry I couldn't come to your party earlier this week, but work has been an absolute disaster lately. I'm lucky I managed to sneak away this weekend!" Natalie said as she squeezed me tightly. I hugged her back just as enthusiastically and hoped she didn't notice the slight baby bump I had or the wondrous size of my chest.

"I missed you too, Nat," I replied. Our hug was shortly interrupted by the phone ringing, which Emily answered while she was cooking. Natalie and I sat down at the table while Emily chatted on the phone.

"Katie," Emily mouthed to me as she rolled her eyes and 'mhmm'd at all the right spots to make Katie think she was listening. She plated up the breakfast, her eyes brightening up as she listened to Katie talk. She promptly ended the call a few moments later, telling Katie that she was about to eat and would call her back in a minute.

"Well, Naoms, I have some news for you," Emily said with an excited smile on her face. "The house next door to Katie and Effy has just gone up for sale. Katie was talking my ear off about how she's terrified that horrible people will move in next door, or somebody who won't take care of their house and bring down the market value of their place."

Emily looked up at me almost timidly, but I could already tell where her mind was going.

"Maybe...maybe we should take a look at it. I mean, it's not like we would qualify as bad neighbours, would we?"

Inevitably, Emily and Natalie got so worked up over the house that I found myself being somewhat reluctantly dragged to a private viewing of the newly available house a mere hour and a half later. Natalie had switched into real estate agent mode, and gave us the grand tour of the house.

"Since the home is an end-lot, it's going to be bigger than Katie and Effy's," Natalie said as she opened the door and let us in.

Indeed, the house _was_ bigger than Katie and Effy's. The living room had a rather large fireplace in the centre of the room and was definitely larger than Katie and Effy's living room. Even the newly remodelled kitchen was larger, with more cupboard space and a centre island with enough room for a breakfast table. There was also a separate formal dining room, which Katie and Effy didn't have.

There was a decent-sized conservatory just past the kitchen at the end of the house which I would probably use as an office. There was also a separate laundry room and bathroom on the ground floor. Emily and Natalie absolutely gushed over the house, and I had to admit, it was quite lovely. I could easily see Emily and myself moving in, adding our own unique touches, and eventually raising our family here. The garden was definitely large enough for Libby to run around and explore. There would probably be enough room for a children's play set and some type of outdoor seating area as well.

Natalie showed us back into the house and led us upstairs. There were four bedrooms upstairs, three of which were big enough for children's rooms. The master bedroom with two walk in closets and an en-suite bathroom was definitely big enough to accommodate Emily and I. There was also another larger family bathroom on the upper level to service the other three bedrooms. The house was decorated very tastefully. It was definitely a move-in ready home and I already knew Emily had fallen in love with the place.

"Nat, do I dare even ask the price of the house?" I asked as Natalie locked the front door of the house behind us. Emily was staring at me with her puppy dog eyes, just begging me to buy her this house.

"Actually, it's quite reasonable, considering the central location and the fact that it's an end lot. They're asking £390 000."

Emily smiled at me, and I knew I was done for.

"Shall we make an offer?" I found myself asking my wife, who nodded enthusiastically.

And that is how I found myself hammering out the details of the offer we were going to make on the house. We were willing to offer £375 000 on absolutely no conditions – the sellers could choose their own move out date and we were confident the house was in good shape so we decided to forgo an official inspection since they were pretty much useless anyways. Since Emily and I didn't need a mortgage to purchase the house, we didn't need to include that as a condition in our offer either.

"Well, this seems like quite a reasonable and desirable offer indeed," Natalie mumbled to herself as she showed Emily and I where to sign the offer before she presented it to the sellers' real estate agent.

Emily and I had decided that we would keep our flat and possibly rent out the space to bring in some extra income during the month. It made it a bit easier on me, knowing that we weren't going to have to sell the flat which would have just been unnecessarily stressful. Renting the flat out was definitely a much more appealing option than putting it on the market and possibly waiting months or years for it to sell in this horrible economy.

Natalie left Emily and I in our living room to present the offer. Em turned to me and grabbed my hand in what seemed like both terror and excitement.

"Oh my god, we just made an offer on a house," She whispered, smiling but still seeming worried. "Do you think we made a mistake?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Em, do you really think I would have agreed to make an offer if I thought buying the house would be a mistake?"

Emily smiled and buried her face into my shoulder. "I'm just so nervous!" She mumbled into my top.

"I'm more nervous about telling Natalie that I'm pregnant, to be honest. The house is lovely and we can afford it. It's something we need for the future of our family," I said reassuringly. I felt Emily nod her head against my shoulder.

"Well, regardless of what happens with the house, I'll make a nice dinner for the three of us and we can tell Natalie about the baby tonight. She'll be so excited to find out that she's going to be an Auntie!"

I nodded, though I still felt unsure about how Natalie would react. I was quite sure that she would be happy for me, but a small part of me was worried she would also be a tiny bit jealous. I knew I certainly envied her extremely successful career; it would only make sense for her to envy my family life. Of course, at the end of the day, we were sisters who loved each other but who were also endlessly competitive.

I turned the TV on and Emily flipped through a magazine while we waited for Natalie to come back from presenting the offer. Emily discreetly folded down pages in the magazine that were about design or decor, probably taking notes on what she wanted to do in the new house. She probably thought I didn't notice but I did. I didn't say anything, choosing to just smile to myself and continue watching TV.

Natalie came back to the apartment after about half an hour with an excited look on her face.

"I'm just going to put you two out of your misery – they accepted your offer! You bought a house!"

Emily shrieked in my ear and I nearly had a heart attack from the shock of it all, but I was happy, I suppose. Surprised at how quickly things progressed, certainly, but happy nonetheless. Emily squeezed me tightly and Natalie joined in on our hug. I was glad my sister had been a part of this – it was a huge move for Emily and I, buying our first house together.

We signed all the necessary papers and it was all official. We took possession of the house in a month and a half.

Natalie and Emily went out to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner that night. Emily had asked Natalie to come with her since she didn't know what types of food Nat really liked, and I think Em could tell I needed a few moments on my own. A lot of things were changing pretty quickly, and I needed just a moment to process things. I brew myself a secret cup of tea and was just about to take my first sip when I heard a knock at the door. Libby rushed over to the door and sat next to it, patiently waiting for me to open the door and reveal who our guest was.

I opened the door and saw Cook. I smiled and hugged him before letting him in and offering him a cup of tea. He shrugged at me and smiled when he took note of my growing bump. He bent down slightly and placed his hand against my belly and sighed.

"I'm alright. I just needed to tell ya somethin'," Cook said as he sat opposite me at the kitchen table. He reached over and grabbed my hand. I smiled at him encouragingly and finally took the first sip of my tea. "I...I think I need to leave."

I sat there, completely flabbergasted and unable to speak. Obviously Cook noticed and continued speaking to save me from having to figure out what I wanted to say first. I was completely outraged that he was planning on leaving and hadn't previously mentioned anything of the sort. I had expected him to be part of my child's life. He had even asked if he would be able to be part of the baby's life and I'd agreed. I had counted on Cook to be there for the baby, for me, and now he was planning on ditching us.

"I thought I'd be able to handle this, but I really can't," Cook said vaguely, staring down at his hands which were clasped tightly around mine. "I wish I could go back to the beginning of last December, I wish I can go back in time and change it, but I can't. I would fight so hard for you, Naoms, I'd fight for your love. I wouldn't have let you just leave me like you did and start up with Emily."

I couldn't comprehend what he was saying and my throat felt tight and I realized at that moment that I was about to cry. And not a pretty, delicate cry. I was about to start full-out sobbing.

"I'm still in love with you, Naoms. Proper mad in love with you. I thought I could handle this, helping you have the baby and watching you be happy with Emily but I can't. It's killing me, Naoms, knowing that you're pregnant with my baby but that I won't ever be this baby's daddy. It's killing me to watch you with her, all loved up and happily married, expecting your first kid. It's like I barely factor into anything. I thought...I thought maybe if I was your donor, if we spent more time together, it would make you realize what you gave up on last December when you met Emily. If I had another chance with you, Naoms, I swear I'd love you right. But I'm not asking for another chance. I really want to ask, but I can't do that to you. I can't put you in that place because it'd hurt you and I wouldn't forgive myself for it. So I have to leave. I can't watch you be happy with her anymore, it hurts too much."

I tried my best to fight back the tears as I nodded. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steel myself for the rest of the conversation.

"When did you realize that you can't do it anymore?" I whispered. I needed to know what I did to push him over the edge.

"The announcement party. I kept imagining it was me and you announcing the pregnancy to our family, not Emily's family and your family," Cook said. He removed his hand from on top of mine.

"Where are you going?" I managed to ask through a tight and tearful voice.

"Glasgow, probably. I want to be close to Paddy, you know."

I nodded and heard Cook's chair shift away from the table. He stood next to my chair and grabbed my hand, helping me up.

"I...If you ever need me, call me. I mean it. Anything. I'll always be there for you and this baby, Naoms. I just can't watch you with her anymore," He said, staring at me deeply. His clear blue eyes were also filled with tears, which just hurt me more. "I'll always love you, Naomikins."

He pulled me into a tight hug that I found extremely hard to end. I didn't want Cook to leave. It all felt completely surreal to me – Cook couldn't be leaving for Glasgow. Cook loved me too much to leave me. He leant down and kissed my belly, whispering his apologies and goodbyes to the baby as well.

And then Cook turned abruptly and let himself out.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought of the chapter! **

**I doubt I'll be able to reply to reviews from now on since school is starting and I have very little spare time, but I will still try my best :)**


	20. Mommy Lessons

**Author's Note: So, as promised, back to Sunday updates! I haven't had a chance to reply to reviews yet, but I assure you, I will try my best!**

**There's no song for this chapter, so sorry about that. **

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 20: Mommy Lessons

_Sunday, September 15th, 2013_

Emily had left early this morning to go to London with her boss, Stacey. It was London Fashion Week and they were both asked to work on the makeup teams for various fashion shows throughout the week. She would be back next Sunday, meaning I was left in peace and quiet for the next seven days. Normally, that would be completely blissful, but as of late, I avoided staying alone for prolonged periods of time. The longer I spent time alone, the more likely I was to think about the fact that I would never get a chance to repair my relationship with my father, or the fact that John Foster's one year sentence in prison was speeding past us much more quickly than expected, or the fact that my best friend and biological father of my child had now completely deserted me because he was still in love with me and couldn't stand to see me happy with my wife.

It really was quite a lot to take in, considering that didn't even mention the fact that Emily and I were moving into a new house in about a month and still weren't quite sure what we were doing with the flat yet and it also didn't take into account that I was now 11 weeks pregnant. I was juggling working, taking care of Emily, the house, Libby, the baby that was forming inside me, maintaining my friendships with Effy and Katie and my sister, and worrying about Cook and John Foster. It was no wonder I was constantly bloody exhausted.

I had decided that telling Emily the complete truth about why Cook left was, for lack of a better phrase, a very stupid idea. Instead, I told Emily part of the truth – she knew Cook went to Glasgow, but she did not know that it was because he was in love with me. I told her that Cook just wanted to spend more time with his brother and to try to get his life on track. Emily had always considered Cook to be a bit of a mess, so she accepted this quite easily. I felt slightly guilty for lying to my wife, of course, but I knew it was really the best option for keeping my family together. Emily was not the most secure person, and I was sure that telling her Cook still had feelings for me would be a massive blow. I was still wholly committed to my wife and my marriage and I had no intention of acting on any of Cook's feelings, considering I had no feelings for him except pure rage. Emily was quite angry at him as well and called him selfish for abandoning us and our child, but I think she said those things just to appease me. I think Emily was actually quite relieved that Cook was going to be out of the picture for a while. Having Cook around throughout the pregnancy, birth, and life of our child could have been difficult for Emily, quite understandably. He would play a part in our child's life if he had stayed in Bristol, and however small that part may have been, I think it would have always nagged at Emily that he was the other biological piece of our child. I, however, was already thinking what this would mean for us if Cook stayed away long-term. It meant that I wouldn't be able to use Cook as my donor again and our child would never have a fully biological sibling. Of course, Emily and I had agreed that the science behind how we built our family didn't really matter, but logically, this mattered. If anything were to happen health-wise to our children, having a biological sibling could be helpful regarding treatment. I knew it was a negative train of thought and that it likely wouldn't happen, but I wanted to at least consider the negative possibilities.

I hadn't heard from Cook since he had left, and to be honest, I was happier that way. If he had called I probably would have screamed at him over the phone for being a fucking selfish arsehole and just stressed myself and the baby out for nothing. Cook was, essentially, a selfish person. I knew that when I first met him and I couldn't really blame him for being who he was. I doubted he would ever change for anybody.

I had pulled myself together after Cook left and by the time Emily and Natalie got home from the grocery store, I was exactly where they left me – on the couch, reading a magazine. Emily made a lovely dinner and we told Natalie about the baby. She was absolutely ecstatic for us and when she left the next day, she'd promise she'd be back to help us move into the new house and, as she'd promised months ago, to help decorate the nursery. I appreciated my sister's offer to help and of course I had no intentions of refusing her, but spending time with Natalie was difficult, especially after Neil's death. Looking at her and her life reminded me of everything I deserved and didn't get. I was her equal, I was Neil's daughter just as much as she was, and yet Natalie had all the success and fatherly love she could have ever wanted. I looked at her and felt ripped off. I had talked to Emily about it, but she couldn't really understand my emotions towards my sister. I loved her and was also endlessly jealous of her. So I reached out and talked to Effy about it, which helped a bit. But I still held all these emotions inside of me and sometimes, looking at Natalie made me feel like toxic sludge. I didn't want to be jealous of her and I hated the fact that I was. I was bringing a new perfect life into this world and I didn't want my baby to feel any of my negativity. I needed to sort out my feelings towards Nat, and I needed to do it soon.

I sighed as I snapped out of my thoughts and realized I was meant to be working on my article. I lost focus so easily these days. I had asked nobody to contact me today since I was planning on working all day long in hopes that I would be able to focus that way, but apparently that was no longer the issue. I just had too many problems flying around in my head and not enough energy to sort any of them out. I felt like I was bursting at the seams, slowly watching my life and myself begin to unravel.

At that very moment, my doorbell rang. I was suddenly thankful for whoever had decided not to listen to my stupid rules about not bothering me today. I got up and answered the door, revealing my mother carrying a basket full of yarn.

"Well this is unexpected," I said, shooting my mother a quizzical look as I let her in the apartment. She sat on the couch and put her basket of yarn on the coffee table and turned to me with a smile.

"I know something's going on with you and you're not talking to anybody about it and that is just fine with me, but I am not going to let you cut yourself off from your family and friends just so you can mope while Emily's away," my mother said, smiling delicately and encouragingly at me. "Your article isn't due until Friday and you'll have time later in the week to work on it. We both know that. And I am not going to let your negative vibes influence this baby. So we are going to pink things up and make things better...whatever they are."

I shrugged at her and nodded. I sat down next to her on the couch and she put her arm around me and kissed me on the cheek.

"But what's with the yarn?" I asked. My mother smiled and grabbed a ball of pink coloured yarn.

"I'm going to teach you how to crochet today," She said as she grabbed two crochet hooks and another pink ball of yarn. "You're going to make your daughter her first blankie."

"But I don't know if it's a girl or a boy yet," I protested as my mother started tying slipknots into both of our strands of yarn. She smiled to herself and shrugged.

"I have a feeling, okay," She said to me, stifling the rest of my protests as she handed me my slipknot and crochet hook. "Now just do what I do."

She began to crochet and was obviously much quicker than I was, but she was patient with me. She encouraged me when I did well and completely unraveled my project when she said I was working the yarn too tightly. I huffed and puffed and said I wasn't enjoying myself, but I appreciated what my mother was doing for me. This was just...mom stuff. You're supposed to make your baby's first blankie with your mom by your side. You're supposed to be able to laugh about how horrible you were at crocheting your firstborn's blankie by the time you're having your second baby and crocheting their very own blankie. Maybe it was just a hippy mom thing, but it made me tear up later that night thinking that I would sit down with my daughter one day to teach her how to crochet a blankie for her baby. And for some reason, I just trusted my mother's instincts on the whole gender of the baby thing. It felt...right. A baby girl with a pink blankie that her mummy crocheted for her. She would have my eyes with blonde hair and (somehow) Emily's lips.

Later that night, and throughout the week that Emily was gone, I found myself crocheting my baby girl's blankie whenever I would start to think about Cook or John Foster or Natalie or the new house. It relieved my stress just that little bit that I needed to be able to focus and not be so exhausted all the time. I found myself calling my mum and asking her questions about whether I was crocheting the blankie properly. Sometimes she would come over quickly during the day to check on my progress. And one day, she brought a surprise over.

"This was the blankie I made for you when I was pregnant," Mum said as she handed me the slightly tattered pink blanket with a light green border. I smiled as I looked at it and suddenly I remembered carrying this blankie around with me when I was little and sleeping with it every night. And I realized that my mother wasn't just giving me crocheting lessons. She was giving me mommy lessons.

I pulled her into a tight hug and thanked her profusely. That night, I secretly slept with my blankie again. The next day, I folded my blankie up nicely and I went to the hardware store to have a frame made for it. I decided that the frame holding my blankie was going to be the first thing to decorate my own baby's nursery. It would remind me every sleepless night that I spent in that nursery of the mommy lessons my mom was giving me. It would remind me that even though my mum sometimes drove me mad when I was younger, she was a great mum. It was my little way of reminding myself to be a bit more like Gina. More patient and wise. And someday, I would use those blankies to teach my own daughter about being a mum.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review :)**

**Also check out my tumblr at keeping-schtum (d o t) tumblr (d o t) com **


	21. Chasing Pavements

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for all the reviews! I'm still replying to every single one :)**

**Song for this chapter is _Chasing Pavements_ by Adele.**

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 21: Chasing Pavements

_October 18th, 2013_

It was early in the morning as Emily drove down a winding countryside road in our new family friendly car. We had bought the car about two weeks ago, which was one week before we moved into our new house. The house was still an absolute mess and the only room we had even a little set up was the bedroom. Everything was still in packing boxes, from plates to clothes to DVDs and books. We hadn't even finished moving out of the flat just yet, only bringing over full boxes, our bed and a sofa. We didn't even have a TV at the moment. I had taken three weeks off work to try to set up the house and was slowly but surely making progress. Effy would come over every day to help me move things and set things up but we couldn't do very much. Effy was now almost 20 weeks pregnant and I was 16 weeks along. Effy's bump was something to be reckoned with. She was carrying all out front, so much so that if you looked at her from the back you couldn't even tell that she was pregnant. But the moment she turned around, all you could see was a big baby bump. It was actually pretty cute. She was still skinny everywhere else though.

I was carrying in two places – boobs and bump. I didn't have a ridiculously large baby bump like Effy's but what I lacked in bump I made up for in boobs. Emily was positively ecstatic, as were the salespeople at the local department store where I was regularly found buying new bras. I got alarmed as soon as the salespeople started to call me by name and ask me about when exactly I was due.

But today, Emily and I were taking a break from babies, boobs and unpacking our new house. We were going to the seaside to freeze our asses off and wander around aimlessly. We were even taking the long way to get there, through winding country roads that housed old farms and even older pubs.

I was staring out the window, watching sheep graze when I felt an odd sort of fluttering inside my stomach, almost like I had to burp or if I'd just eaten some spicy Mexican food. I frowned to myself and continued to look at the sheep when I felt a tiny _tap tap tap_ on the side of my belly.

"HOLY CRAP!" I exclaimed, almost making Emily drive into the herd of sheep. She looked over at me, alarmed, and immediately pulled over. "The baby moved! The baby moved!"

Emily squealed and parked the car, immediately leaning over and placing both her hands on my belly.

"Baby, are you in there?" She asked my bump quietly.

"Of course she's in there, Em-" I began to say before I was rudely interrupted by another _tap tap tap_ right under where Emily's left hand was. Emily yelped and looked extremely shocked before smiling widely at me.

"Holy crap, Naomi, our baby is moving around inside you," Emily said, still smiling and looking shocked. She was stating the obvious, likely because she didn't know what else to say. I was pretty dumbfounded too. I didn't know what to expect, or how I would feel when the baby moved for the first time but this was...weird.

"The midwife said that she'll start to hear us speaking this week, maybe she's reacting to our voices," I mused as I stared down at my bump, which was still covered by Emily's hands. I quizzically returned the little _tap tap tap_ gesture, tapping gently against my bump with my index finger. The baby moved around again, a little flutter, before doing the same _tap tap tap_ on the left side of my belly. I smiled widely. "Ah! I see we have established communication, tiny one."

I looked over at Emily to see her smiling widely and fighting back tears.

"What's up, Em?" I asked, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek.

"It's just too fucking cute!" Emily replied, letting a few tears fall down her cheeks. "I can't handle the cuteness of it all!"

Emily leaned over and grabbed my bump again.

"You're just too darned cute!" She said to my bump before kissing it gently. I sat back with my hand on my belly as Emily composed herself and started to drive again.

We finally made it to Minehead after almost two hours of driving. We had contemplated going to Weston-super-Mare but decided against it mostly because I was craving ice cream from a specific shop in Minehead. Emily was very accommodating for anything pregnancy or baby related. We parked up and walked hand in hand by the seaside until we reached the ice cream parlour.

"Um, I'll have one scoop of banoffee, please," Emily ordered while I browsed through the flavours. I pursed my lips as I was trying to decide what was likely to be the most important decision of my day – a welcome relief from all the stress that was unpacking and moving into a brand new house.

"And I'll have a large chocolate dipped waffle cone with two scoops of mint chocolate chip, please," I said with a smile as the lady handed Emily her ice cream. She noticed that I was pregnant and added a free flake on top, which I thought was very nice considering I had decided half-way through her making the ice cream that I wanted a flake on top but didn't say anything.

Emily paid and we sat down at a table in the shop since it was bloody freezing outside and the ice cream was only going to make us colder.

"So I've been thinking," Emily said with a gentle smile as she licked at her ice cream cone. "We should start thinking about baby names pretty soon."

I nodded and continued to eat my ice cream. "I sort of have a name in mind already."

Emily raised her eyebrows at me and nodded. I smiled at how excited and nervous she seemed all at the same time.

"Since mum thinks we're having a girl and nobody can doubt Gina's intuition, I've been thinking mostly about girl names," I said, dragging things on as long as possible while Emily was hanging on my every last word. "So...I really like Pearl as a middle name. And I sort of like Elisa for the first name. Elisa Pearl."

Emily scrunched up her face and then quickly tried to hide her distaste for my name choices.

"What's wrong with Elisa Pearl?" I asked, somewhat offended. I'd thought long and hard about those names.

"I don't know...Elisa Pearl Fitch-Campbell. I like Pearl as a middle name, but I don't really like Elisa," Emily said. She murmured to herself while she ate her ice cream, obviously thinking of names. She looked up at me brightly a few moments later. "I've got it. Elouise Pearl Fitch-Campbell."

My heart melted and I actually let out an "awww" without realizing it until Emily nodded.

"I know, right? Elouise Pearl."

I tapped down at my bump, but didn't feel a tap back. Maybe she was napping or something. I was sure she was going to get active again as soon as she felt the sugar from the ice cream in her system in a few minutes though.

"Sweetie, do you like that name?" I said quietly at my bump. "Elouise Pearl."

Emily stifled a laugh as a young couple walked by and shot me a confused look as I continued to talk to my belly.

"You look like a right nutter," Emily murmured, reaching over and grabbing my hand tightly.

"Your mommy is being difficult with me, Elouise," I whispered down to my bump, making Emily really laugh this time. "She says I'm a nutter for talking to you in public! How ludicrous!"

We finished up eating our ice cream and walked back to the car as slowly as we liked despite the crappy cold weather. We spent the afternoon in a town called Taunton, where we shopped around for things for the house and baby clothes. We found quite a few good things and before we know it the car was completely full with things we'd bought. We decided then that it was probably best that we headed home. It was still early in the afternoon which meant that I could take a short nap while Emily went back to the flat to bring some more things over to the new house.

"You sure you're going to be okay bringing things over by yourself?" I asked as Emily pulled into the driveway. We waved at Katie, who was in the front garden raking some fallen leaves up.

"I'll be fine. I'll ask Katie to help me and I'm sure she'll say yes," Emily replied, kissing me on the lips before we both got out of the car.

"Katie! Wanna help me move things over from the flat?" Emily asked. Katie shrugged but nodded, dropping her rake and walking over to the car.

"Fucking hate raking leaves anyway," Katie replied as she took her seat in the passenger side of the car. Emily waved at me and drove off towards the flat.

Instead of taking my nap as I'd originally planned, I head over to Katie and Effy's house just next door to check in on Eff. I let myself in using the "emergency" key I had.

"Eff?" I called. Effy called back to me from the nursery upstairs. I took my shoes off and raced up the stairs to see what she was up to. I found her taping paint samples up to the wall.

"Which one do you like? I've decided I no longer like this pale yellow colour we've got in here and I want to change it," Effy said. She pointed at two paint samples – one in a dusty rose and the other in a turquoise blue.

"Well, Eff, those are very gender-based colours. Maybe you should wait till you find out the sex," I murmured, frowning at Effy's odd choices. Effy shrugged.

"I'm not so bothered with the gender stuff. I'm leaning more towards the blue because that can be a girl's colour or a boy's colour depending on the rest of the furniture. But I really hate yellow or green nurseries, which I suppose I should have thought of before I had Katie and Emily paint the nursery yellow," Effy murmured. I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"I prefer the turquoise," I said. Effy smiled brightly at me and took off the dusty rose paint sample.

"Turquoise it is, then," she replied. "Fancy a sneaky cup of tea?"

I nodded enthusiastically and followed her to the kitchen.

"Anything exciting happen today, then?" Effy asked as she began to boil the kettle. I grabbed the garibaldis and nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course! I felt the baby move for the first time on the way to Minehead," I said proudly. I bit into a garibaldi and immediately spit it into the trashcan. "Ugh, that tastes horrible! Have they gone off?"

I checked the back of the label and saw that they were still in date. I frowned quizzically at my favourite biscuit.

"Huh," I murmured to myself as I placed the garibaldis back in the cupboard. I guess I didn't like them anymore.

"It's the pregnancy," Effy replied. "I used to love beans on toast and now just the smell of beans makes me sick."

I nodded at her and slumped down at her table. I felt slightly depressed that now I'd have to go in search of a new favourite biscuit. Effy put a plate of chocolate chip cookies down on the table and handed me my tea. I nibbled at a cookie – not bad, but not the same as a garibaldi. I sighed and finished off my mediocre cookie. I much preferred my sneaky cup of tea to the cookie I'd just had.

"What's new with you, Eff?" I asked as I took another sip of my brew.

Effy shrugged. "Not much really, starting to organize my birth plan with my midwife and Katie. Next week we're having an ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby. But other than that, things are just nice and quiet. Have you heard from Cook at all?"

I stiffened and shook my head quickly. I didn't want to mention him again but after a few silent minutes, the temptation was too much to resist.

"Have you heard from him?"

Effy nodded. "He called yesterday, mostly asking about you though. Says he's sorted himself out a proper job and flat."

I nodded and looked down at my now empty mug of tea.

"Naoms...is he your donor?"

I didn't bother to look up when I nodded solemnly. Effy sighed and grabbed my hand reassuringly.

"He'll come back, Naoms, he always does," Effy said, trying to comfort me I suppose. I sighed and nodded but I knew Cook wouldn't be back for a long while, if ever. Cook had never left like this before.

More specifically, Cook had never left _me_ before. Even when he'd left for a few short weeks, he'd always been in constant contact with me. But this time, not a phone call or even a text. I tried to understand why he had to leave. But it was such an act of pure selfishness that I wasn't sure I'd ever forgive him. I always wanted my children to know where they came from and with Cook gone, it seemed like that may never happen. Knowing where you come from is a luxury that I wasn't afforded when I was growing up, and I never wanted to raise my children the same way. It was why I was so reluctant to use sperm banks when building our family. I wasn't sure whether I should just let him be or fight for him to come home. Fight for him to be part of my life. I wanted to give up, I felt exhausted and was tired of fighting for everything. But I knew that this was worth it. Of course it was worth it, it was for my baby.

I went home a few hours later, firm on my decision to fight for Cook to come home. I found the living room, kitchen and master bedroom completely set up. I was so happy I was planning on erecting monuments in my wife and sister-in-law's honour. I felt completely content that night as I snuggled with Em and Libby on the sofa while watching TV.

"Happy?" Em asked me quietly. I nodded sleepily against her chest.

"Elated," I replied, grabbing her hand and placing it over my belly.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought of the chapter, and of course, the all-important baby name! **


	22. Just Us

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for continuing to read and review! I replied to each review I got last chapter :) Please continue to leave reviews as they really do help me understand what the readers expect and want from my work :)**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 22: Just Us

_Yes, of course_

_I remember, how could I forget_

_How you feel?_

_And though you were my first time_

_A new feel_

_It won't ever get old, not in my soul_

_Not in my spirit, keep it alive_

_We'll go down this road_

_'Til it turns from colour to black and white_

_Thinkin' 'Bout You –_ Frank Ocean, _Channel Orange_

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___Friday, November 1st, 2013_

It was a quiet and extremely cold Friday afternoon. I'd sent in my weekly article early in the morning, eager to get it out of the way and free up the rest of the day. I took Libby out on her walk, made breakfast for both Emily and I and managed to clean the house this morning. I was finally starting to get some of my energy back and no longer needed to take frequent naps. I'd left Libby back at the new house, while I planned to make a quick trip back to the flat. Effy was meeting me there to help me clean the place a bit, since I definitely wouldn't be able to clean the whole flat by myself. I clutched my thick scarf and pulled it tighter to my neck, resisting the urge to shiver as I walked the short distance from the house back to the flat.

We were fully moved into the new house, meaning the flat was technically completely empty. Emily and I had yet to find a tenant to move into the flat, but I was starting to have doubts about renting the flat out. Emily and I still had quite a sizeable amount of money, so we weren't exactly desperate for a tenant. I was starting to come up with other ideas of what we could do with the flat. I knew that my newest idea of what to do with the flat would be quite a risky investment, but I was still excited about it.

I'd proposed to Emily last night that we started our own business. Effy was currently unemployed, but her work as a stylist was still quite well-known, widely appreciated and frequently published. Katie was doing freelance makeup work, which meant she was only employed every once in a while but earned a decent amount of money. And Emily and Stacey had hit a rut in their wedding business – apparently, people weren't too keen on coming to only one place to get everything for their wedding taken care of, though I wasn't sure why. All four of the girls had previous experience in hair, makeup, styling and even photography. It seemed such a waste, for their talent to be going to waste in jobs that didn't showcase just how talented they really were. With my previous job of working for an online newspaper, I understood a bit about websites and what the public wanted to see from that kind of medium. So I suggested we started our own online magazine/website where women of all ages could find fashion and beauty inspiration and information. We could also try to keep things local and have girls come in for classes on beauty and the fashion industry, or even styling classes. Emily had taken to the idea quite well and promised me she would bring it up to Stacey today. Hopefully, if Katie, Effy and Stacey all took to the idea, we could get the business up and running pretty soon and use the flat as it's headquarters.

I climbed into the elevator and pressed the button for the 8th floor. I almost missed the flat...almost. The flat was convenient, certainly, but I actually quite liked the new house now that we'd finally settled in. We hadn't quite set up the nursery yet, but we didn't have any of the furniture we needed and we'd only just confirmed the baby's sex yesterday evening at our ultrasound appointment.

And yes, Gina was right. We were having a baby girl. Emily and I went straight to the hardware store and bought paint for the nursery after we left the appointment. We bought a colour called "crushed berries", which looked exactly as it sounded – it was a deep, bright and fun pink that could grow with our daughter. And if she decided she didn't like pink when she got older, well that would be just fine, too.

"Hello?" I called out as I let myself into the apartment. I found Effy sitting in the middle of the living room, a shopping bag full of baby clothes next to her. "Been shopping for the baby?"

Effy smiled and nodded at me before lifting up an absolutely adorable pair of jeans, followed by a blue and white striped button down shirt and a pair of black baby converse. I squealed when I realized what Effy was trying to tell me.

"A baby boy! Congratulations, Eff!" I exclaimed as I joined her on the floor and hugged her. Effy smiled at me and folded the clothes up, placing them back in the shopping bag.

"What about you? Your appointment was last night, right?" Effy asked eagerly. I nodded at her.

"We're having a baby girl," I replied. Effy beamed at me and congratulated me.

I helped Effy off the floor and we got straight to cleaning. The flat had gotten surprisingly dusty since Emily and I moved out. I handed Effy a mop and I went straight to the office with my own mop.

"Have you heard from Cook at all?" Effy called to me.

"Nope. I haven't tried to contact him either," I replied. I heard Effy sigh in the other room.

"He's just getting more and more settled in Glasgow, Naoms. You'll never contact him at this rate."

"I'm not sure I want to contact him anymore, Eff. I'm pretty fucking mad at him, to be honest. He's such a selfish git, just up and leaving like this. My daughter deserves more than someone I've just _forced_ to be in her life," I replied as I continued mopping, huffing both at the physical exertion and the anger I felt at Cook.

"Naoms, I think you and I both know you wouldn't be _forcing_ Cook to come back," Effy said.

"Effy! I can't just call him and tell him I want him to come back. This is about more than just me and Cook now. What if I call him back and he's there for years with my daughter, maybe even donates again for Emily and I, and then he just up and leaves again. I can't decide what's worse – the possibility that he'll abandon my daughter if he does come back, or the possibility that he'll never come back. I can't put her through those things. What would you do if it was your donor?"

I heard Effy sigh heavily.

"Naoms, Katie and I used a sperm bank. This isn't exactly an issue for us. Our donor contract has a clause where our baby can contact him when they turn 18, but other than that, there will be absolutely no contact. I don't have to worry about whether our donor will abandon our kid or anything of the sort."

We were silent for a few moments, letting everything settle in. Had I made a huge mistake using Cook as our donor? Had I underestimated the attachment he might have to my daughter?

"Maybe...maybe you should just decide what type of relationship you want your daughter to have with Cook. Will you tell her that he's her biological father? There's a lot of decisions you and Emily have to make, and none of those decisions can be made with Cook's feelings in mind. This is _your_ child, yours and Emily's, and it is _your_ choice how you'll bring her up. Cook has no say in any of that."

I sighed and continued mopping, glad that Effy knew when to drop the subject. She was right – Emily and I certainly did have a lot of things to decide. I was being sort of unrealistic about the situation. I expected Cook to be completely supportive despite his feelings for me, and I expected Emily to complacently agree with whatever I decided I wanted the baby to know about her biological roots. I suppose, in the situation, I was the one who was really being selfish.

After Effy and I finished cleaning, she handed me a pamphlet advertising pregnancy yoga classes at the community centre. She asked me if I wanted to go with her and I immediately agreed. Normally, I didn't like working out or exercising in any form, but yoga seemed like a happy medium between exercising and flopping around pointlessly on the floor.

Effy and I went our separate ways after we left the flat. Effy headed home to start making dinner for Katie as well as Jenna and Rob, who were coming over for dinner to find out the sex of Effy and Katie's baby. I headed towards Cabot Circus, the nearby shopping centre. I went into an adorable baby shop and bought a teddy as well as a simple purple onesie for the baby. It was the first outfit anybody had bought for the baby, and I felt quite happy. I also bought Libby a few treats since she had been extremely well behaved lately and had become extremely protective of me. It was rather cute, actually.

As soon as I walked into the house, I immediately smelled dinner cooking. The unmistakeable smell of tomato sauce and chicken wafted through the house and I let out a huge and dramatic sigh as I realized just how hungry I was.

"Hello, darling," Emily said, popping her head through the doorway to the kitchen. "What did you buy?"

I smiled and showed her the teddy and the onesie and handed Libby a few of her favourite doggie treats. Emily aw'ed and abandoned the kitchen, walking over to me and grabbing the onesie. She placed it over my protruding belly.

"That looks so cute," Emily said with a huge smile on her face. She leant down and placed her hand against my baby bump before kissing it gently once. "Baby Elouise, your mummy bought you the most adorable outfit today. I think she's going to spoil you rotten."

I felt a tiny little flutter, but no kicks or punches at the moment. Emily sighed before kissing my baby bump again.

"I suppose now we finally have some things to actually go in the nursery," Emily mused before turning back towards the kitchen. I followed her in and set the table while Emily plated up dinner.

"Oh," Emily said after taking a bite of her chicken parmesan. "Before I forget...I told Stacey about our business idea and she said she's in. Now all we have to do is convince Katie and Effy, which shouldn't be too difficult."

"Sounds great, Em," I replied. "I've...err, been wondering if I should contact Cook."

Emily visibly stiffened in her seat. She looked up at me with a confused look in her eye, though she was trying to hide it through her smile.

"I'm not sure that's a great idea, Naoms. I mean we can raise our baby without Cook, you know. We're perfectly capable."

I nodded and moved my food around my plate. "I know, I know we're capable, Em. I just want him to be part of her life, you know? I never want her to grow up like I did, wondering where her daddy is or where she came from."

Emily sighed and took another bite of her chicken. "Naomi. _I_ am our daughter's other parent. Not Cook. _Me. _Just because he donated some sperm doesn't make him her daddy. It makes him a donor. I'm not saying we should never tell Elouise what her biological roots are, but why can't we just wait until she gets older to tell her? Wait until she starts asking questions. We're not keeping anything from her."

I sighed and nodded. I really understood where Emily was coming from. She was probably a bit scared about what having Cook in Elouise's life would entail. And she was right – she was our daughter's second parent, not Cook. I didn't want her to feel as though I was belittling her position as a mother. I knew if the roles were reversed and Emily was the one carrying, I'd be feeling exactly the way she was right now. And I would do absolutely _anything_ to help Emily feel even more a part of this pregnancy.

"You're right, I'm sorry," I conceded. Emily sighed, obviously relieved.

"I know he's your best friend, Naoms, and I'm sorry he just up and left like he did. But we need to just leave him alone. Imagine if we forced him to come back because of Elouise and then he just up and left when she was a few years old. How would we explain that to her?"

I nodded and sighed. Emily really was right. We would just wait to tell Elouise about her biological roots until she was old enough to understand them. Cook didn't _have_ to be part of her life. And now with Effy and Katie having a baby boy, she would definitely grow up with enough male influence in her life. She would always have Rob and Kieran and even her Uncle James to fall back on.

And after all, even though I grew up without a father, I think I still turned out okay. Having a strong mother like Gina helped me through, and Elouise would have _two_ strong mothers. I refused to even acknowledge the possibility that Emily and I could break up a few years down the line. I wouldn't let it happen. At the end of the day, my relationship with Emily and the family we were building together was the most important thing. Not whether Cook would come back and be part of our children's lives. Not whether John Foster will be released from prison and potentially terrorizing us again. At the end of the day, all that mattered was my family and I knew deep in my soul that I would never let it fall apart. The memory of the first time I saw Emily in Paris all those years ago flooded my mind and I smiled brightly at her, leaning over the table to kiss her.

"It'll always be us, Em," I whispered against her lips. "You, me, and our family. That's all we need."

"No Cook?" Emily questioned gently. I pulled away and kissed her cheek gently.

"No Cook. Nobody else. Just us. I promise."

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**Author's Note: Thanks so much for reading! Please don't forget to review!**

**Check out my tumblr page at keeping-schtum dot tumblr dot com**


	23. Anything Could Happen

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for continuing to read and review! I'm updating a little earlier than usual since I have quite a busy day tomorrow writing papers and doing other university stuff, so I figured I would just upload the chapter now :) **

**This chapter is very NSFW.**

**Song for this chapter is _Anything Could Happen_ by Ellie Goulding. Give it a listen if you want. **

**I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 23: Anything Could Happen

_Sunday, December 1st, 2013_

"I don't think you understand, I just want the crib I ordered! I don't want this neon green crib that you sent me. I want my nice white crib. I just want your delivery people to come and pick up my neon green crib that I did not order and replace it with the white crib that I _did_ order. That's all I want," I said into the phone as I buried my face in my hands. This was now day two of dealing with the furniture delivery people who had sent me a neon green crib instead of the gorgeous white crib Emily and I had ordered.

"I understand, ma'am, but it's Sunday and I can't organize a pickup at the moment. If you call back tomorrow I can probably have somebody come to pick up your crib by Thursday."

I groaned into the phone. "I have a job, you know. A job that requires me to work on Thursday. And also, I have a wife who needs me to help set up our new business on Thursday. And also, I'm five and a half months pregnant and if I stay at home for a prolonged period of time I will eat everything in my house. And if I eat everything in my house, I'll gain weight and I'll have a fat baby and probably have to have an episiotomy because my baby won't be able to come out on its own. Do you want that on your conscience? I don't really have all the time in the world to sit around and wait for your delivery men to show up at some point on Thursday. I need a crib by tomorrow afternoon at the latest."

I heard the man on the other end of the phone sigh in exasperation before he said the words I'd been dying to hear.

"Okay, miss. I'm going to override the system protocol and put out an order for your new crib right now. It will be delivered to you tomorrow between noon and 4 pm. Is that sufficient?"

I nearly jumped for joy when I heard those words. "That is more than sufficient, thank you very much."

And with that I hung up the phone knowing that Emily would be able to sleep tonight instead of fretting over when we would have our proper crib.

"Em! You've splattered paint on the ceiling! Now I'm going to have to paint it _again!_" Katie yelled from the nursery. Emily and Katie were painting the nursery in the "crushed berry" colour we'd purchased almost a month ago. Let's just say that both Emily and Katie had procrastinated quite a bit on the whole painting aspect of decorating the nursery. Obviously, I wasn't allowed to paint or go anywhere near the nursery until everything was all dry because of the harmful paint fumes.

"Sorry, Katiekins," I heard Emily mumble sarcastically in response. In all fairness, Emily had to help Katie repaint her own nursery three times so far due to Effy's indecisiveness.

"Those two are like an old bickering couple," Effy mumbled to herself from her spot on my couch. Effy had come over to keep me company while the nursery painting was going on, and also to keep an eye on me and make sure I didn't eat everything in sight. My cravings had gotten pretty out of control, so much so that I sent Emily out for watermelon at 3 in the morning last night only to remember five minutes later that watermelon wasn't in season in December. But Emily came home with a watermelon an hour later and I don't even know how she managed to find a watermelon in Bristol at 3 in the morning in December, but I do know that I ate the whole damn thing.

"Mhm," I mumbled in response. Effy had brought over two yoga mats and we were meant to be practicing some of the things we had learnt in our pre-natal yoga classes, but that wasn't exactly going as planned and instead we were watching one of the scariest videos in the world – my mate Jessica's birth video. Let's just say I wasn't going to be able to look Jessica or her beautiful daughter in the eye for quite a while.

"Ready?" Effy asked as I sat down next to her. She grabbed the DVD remote and turned to me with an apprehensive look. I grimaced and nodded at her. She hit play and the sounds of Jessica's and our own screams filled the room.

"How is that even _possible_?! Her ass looks like it's about to explode!" I yelled as I put my hand in front of my face to block out the TV. Effy looked over at me, completely horrified.

"What the fuck did we get ourselves into?" Effy groaned as she leaned into me and buried her face in my shoulder.

"What's all the fucking screaming – OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?!" Emily yelled as she walked into the living room.

"It's Jessica's birth video and it's the scariest thing I've ever seen!" I replied as Effy and I hugged each other and refused to look at the TV. "Em, what if my ass explodes when I'm giving birth?"

Emily grabbed the remote and immediately hit the stop button. "Naoms, your ass is not going to explode when you're giving birth."

"There is _no way_ you're watching me give birth, Em. You can't go down there when all that's going on or else you'll never want to have sex with me ever again," I replied, still holding onto Effy tightly.

"Naoms, I'm sure it won't be that bad! Besides, that was a hospital birth and we're having a water birth at home. I'm sure water birth is much...nicer," Em replied as she took the DVD out of the player.

"I need a cup of tea and a pack of double-stuffed Oreos," I said. Effy nodded into my shoulder and Emily sighed.

"_Fine_. One sneaky cup of tea for you two and one pack of double-stuffed Oreos that you have to _share_," Emily said, giving me a pointed look when she mentioned sharing the Oreos.

I knew it was really for my own benefit as well as the baby's that Emily was fussing over what I ate. Gaining too much weight when you were pregnant wasn't exactly healthy for mum or baby. It would put me at risk of having a more difficult labour due to the baby being too large for a natural vaginal birth, getting gestational diabetes, or even forcing me into a c-section.

Emily brought over our tea and a pack of double-stuffed Oreos a few minutes later. And this time I was really good about sharing with Effy. She got two rows and I got two rows. And after we were finished our tea, we put away the scary birthing video and actually practiced our pre-natal yoga like we were supposed to.

A few hours, a freshly painted nursery and a Chinese take-away later, Effy and Katie finally went home and left Emily and I in peace. I laid in front of the crackling fireplace while Emily took Libby out for a quick walk around the block. When she came back, she laid down next to me on the floor.

"How are you, love?" She asked me quietly as she traced along my arm delicately with her fingers. I hummed in response, her touch turning me on straight away. Emily had been using my raging hormones to her advantage lately, and I definitely wasn't complaining.

Her fingers moved up my arm and over onto my collarbone and neck. She leaned in and placed hot open mouthed kisses to each spot her fingers had just touched. I moaned as her fingers and lips descended to my chest. She pulled at the seams of my shirt, pushing it off to the side and out of her way. She grabbed the thin material of my bra and did the same, her delicate touch tracing just around my nipple before she leant in and covered my nipple with her mouth. I moaned even louder then. I heard Emily groan as she continued to lick at my nipple. Her other hand immediately moved to my other breast, pinching at the delicate skin of my nipple and kneading her palms into my breast. She moved on top of me, carefully placing her thigh between my legs, right against my centre. She moaned and ground into me.

"Fuck, Naoms, I can _feel_ how wet and hot you are for me," Emily panted against my breast. I was only wearing a thin pair of leggings and an even thinner pair of panties, so I wasn't surprised that Emily could feel my arousal through my clothes.

"Take it off, Em. Take it all off," I replied breathlessly. My hands grabbed at Emily's baggy shirt, eager to remove it. Underneath, Em was wearing a simple sports bra that she took off herself since my hands were shaking too badly to take it off. Em pulled me up so I was sitting and removed my top and bra. She picked me up and quickly moved me to the couch, which was only a few meters away but I was still quite impressed by my wife's strength. She quickly lay down on top of me and smushed our breasts together before kissing me fiercely. I moaned into her mouth as her tongue moved against my own and her fingers traced down my side and began to remove my leggings and panties. As soon as they were off, Emily took off her own pants and used her bare leg to grind into me. Our lips detached as I moaned and Em moved so her lips were right by my ear.

"Fuck, Naomi," Em whispered, her hot breath cascading down my neck. I moaned again and ground myself into Emily's leg wantonly. I was so fucking close, covered in sweat and teetering on the edge of my orgasm but I wanted Emily to feel it, too. I reached down and sunk my fingers into Emily's heat, making her moan and bite down against my shoulder.

"Ride my fingers, Em," I whispered as Emily moaned even louder, but complied. She lifted herself up and pushed down against my fingers. I rewarded her by moving my thumb directly against her clit. "Good girl."

"Oh, fucking hell, Naomi," Emily husked. Her leg was still pressed against me, but I was so completely focused on Emily that I'd forgotten about my own orgasm for the moment. Em continued to ride my fingers, her tits bouncing as she did. She was completely losing control, and I could tell by the smouldering darkness in her eyes that she was seconds away from coming.

"Come for me, babe," I whispered. "Just fucking..._come_."

I curled my fingers inside her and flicked her clit insistently until Emily moaned and collapsed against me a few moments later, burying her face into my neck and hair. Even in her orgasmic haze, she still managed to fucking palm at my tit. I shuddered against her as she pinched at my nipple and felt her lips curve into a smile against the skin of my neck.

"Don't think I've forgotten about you, Naomi," Emily whispered into my skin. She kissed down my neck and across my chest. She paid close attention to my breasts before descending down my stomach. She grabbed my leg and pushed it so it bent at my knee before spreading me open. She kissed down my inner thigh and then pushed her tongue into my centre. I threaded my fingers through her hair, pulling her closer to me as her tongue pressed gently against my clit. She pushed her fingers deep inside me and curled her fingers on her way out. She pulled almost all the way out before pushing back into me again, setting a slow and torturous pace that gradually increased with each thrust. It really did feel like torture – Emily would push me to the edge, fucking me hard and quick. As soon as I was about to come, she'd slow things back down again.

"Fuck, Em, please," I whimpered as Emily started slowing things down again, pulling out of me ever so slowly but being sure to curl her fingers just as I liked. "Please fuck me harder."

Emily's tongue left my centre for a moment, though her fingers stayed buried inside me. She smiled up at me, looking at me through her lashes with her dark and lustful eyes.

"All you had to do was ask, dear."

And with that she firmly attached her lips to my clit and sucked and lapped at my wetness and her fingers pounded into me so hard I saw stars. She stretched me open, adding another finger and pressed her tongue against my clit and I felt myself clamp down against her fingers and the coil in my stomach burst and _fucking finally_, I came. I pushed Emily's head away from my centre. It was just too much to have her down there still insistently licking at me. She slid herself up against me and kissed me sloppily while I was still riding out my orgasm. Her kiss and the taste of me on her lips made me moan.

"You're so fucking hot," Emily whispered. I smiled and for once I felt embarrassed after we'd had sex.

"What? What is it?" Emily questioned. I peeked up at her through my fingers.

"Really? I'm still hot even though I'm pregnant?" I asked hesitantly. Emily's eyes went wide and she laughed gently.

"Naomi, trust me, you're still hot even though you're pregnant. I especially like the new additions," Emily added, looking down at my full breasts. "You're _so_ hot, Naoms. I can't keep my hands off you."

I sighed happily, glad to know that I could still keep my wife satisfied despite my ballooning size.

"Shall we go to bed now?" Emily asked. She pulled herself off me and the couch and offered me her hand to help me up, which I gratefully accepted.

We climbed into bed naked, not bothered with putting on our pyjamas. Emily cuddled in behind me, placing her hand protectively over my baby bump before leaning over and kissing me goodnight.

"Love my two girls," She whispered in my ear. I smiled and leaned back to kiss her again.

"We love you back."

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**Author's Note: Check out my tumblr at .com**

**Please don't forget to leave a review! I reply to all my reviews. I've been getting fewer reviews than I used to so I'd really love to hear what you thought :)**


	24. Lego House

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for the AWESOME response to last chapter! I hope the response to this chapter will be the same :)**

**Intense foreshadowing ahead.**

**Chapter title comes from _Lego House_ by Ed Sheeran. Give it a listen if you like.**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins**

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Chapter 24: Lego House

_Wednesday, December 18, 2013_

It was absolutely fucking freezing in the old apartment, which was slowly becoming the new studio for the magazine Em, Katie, Effy, Stacey and I were starting. The place was only slightly set up, but nonetheless we were pushing forward and doing a photo shoot today with Gina and Jenna to accompany an article (written by me, though Emily provided all the information) on older women, beauty, and aging gracefully. Our old kitchen was still a kitchen, but it was now used mostly as a place for us to eat lunch and snacks at work. Katie and Effy's old bedroom was now the studio for both photo shoots on a grand scale as well as product photography. The old office was still an office that was now expanding into the living room, since we now needed five desks. The living room and office were lined with bookcases, filled to the brim with old magazines, beauty books, art books, and fashion books. Stacey, Em, and Katie ended up having quite an impressive collection of such books, especially when we combined all their collections and realized we'd filled up ten bookcases. We had one couch in the living room, which was pushed off to the side of the room since the desks monopolized a lot of the room. We were planning on turning the master bedroom into a kid-friendly space for when Effy and I had the babies.

However, today, I was not very fond of our studio because Emily had forgotten to top up the electric key and we had no heating. Effy and I were huddled up in blankets, typing away furiously at our computers as we combined and edited our articles together – Effy and I were collaboratively writing a piece on pregnancy and fashion. I, of course, had no idea what Effy was talking about throughout most of the piece, but I tried my best to make her ideas fit together more coherently. After all, the only thing I knew about fashionable maternity clothes was that TopShop's maternity line was my new best friend.

Emily, Stacey, and Katie were in the office, preparing their hair and makeup kits for Gina and Jenna. While Emily and Katie were doing makeup, Stacey was going to be doing both Gina and Jenna's hair.

My mum was first to arrive, ripping through the studio as though she were some kind of frazzled tornado. She was always in a rush, though she never actually showed up late.

"Did I really beat Jenna here?" My mum asked Emily as she sat down in the makeup chair. Emily smiled and nodded. "Wow. That's impressive. For me, I mean..."

Emily smiled again and my mum tried to keep talking to her, but eventually Emily had to tell her to be quiet and stay still unless she wanted her eyeshadow to look lopsided. Thankfully, my mother complied.

Jenna showed up an hour late, also tearing through the studio as though she were a frazzled tornado, shouting apologies regarding her lateness. Effy looked as though she was about to completely give up on our article and start smashing her head against the keyboard, and I felt much the same way. We were getting distracted every two minutes and hadn't managed to get anything done as soon as my mum came into the studio.

"Katie," Effy whined. "Can't you shut the door to the office? Naoms and I can't focus on the article."

Katie quickly complied and shut the door.

"Fucking finally," I muttered. Effy and I put the last touches on the article and were finished within 30 minutes. We had already told the others that we had absolutely no intention of staying to watch the shoot since we had no clue what Katie, Em and Stacey were really planning for the shoot. Instead, we planned on going home and building our cribs.

"Let's get out of here," Effy said as she shut down her computer and grabbed our jackets. She tossed mine at me with a smile, folded up the blankets we'd been using and put them away. I shut down my own computer and put on my jacket, scarf, hat and mittens.

We had already decided to build my crib first, since it seemed slightly more complicated than Katie and Effy's crib. My crib came with seven pages of instructions, while Katie and Effy's only came with two.

"Jeez, Naoms, this is like building the Mars Rover," Effy said, handing me a screwdriver and a corresponding screw. She tilted the instructions page and frowned. Libby was sitting next to Effy and also eying the instructions skeptically. "You sure this is even meant to be a crib? 'Cause right now, it looks more like a torture device."

I shrugged and sighed as I tried my best to make sense of where each screw was meant to go, and how exactly this crib was meant to come together. Libby barked gently at Effy, demanding her attention. Effy smiled and scratched Libby behind the ears.

"You know, we could have put this off longer," I said. "Ems and I aren't even going to be using this crib right away with Elouise."

Effy stared at me, seemingly confused and angry all at the same time.

"What." Effy said it as a statement, rather than an actual question.

"Well, we're going to try co-sleeping for the first little while, since I'll be breastfeeding and it'll just be easier that way," I replied. I had finally figured out where the screw was meant to go and smiled proudly to myself. "We're going to get a bassinet, or maybe a crib that can attach to the edge of our bed."

"Co-sleeping? Do you plan on never having sex in your own bed ever again? If you co-sleep, Elouise will never want to sleep in her own room."

"But it'll only be a few months, and besides, Anna says you can't have sex for at least 4 weeks after giving birth and that most people wait even longer than that," I replied, distinctly remembering the conversation our midwife and Emily had regarding when exactly we could start having sex after the birth.

"Naoms, you're putting your marriage on a one-way path to lesbian bed death."

""Lesbian bed death is a myth." I replied as I finally managed to build the back part of the crib. "And what are you and Katie going to do then? Just put the baby in his own nursery right away?"

Effy shrugged. "We haven't really decided yet, but I mean, I _thought_ that was what we were going to do. Isn't that what parents normally do?"

"I slept in my mum's room until I was twelve, but that was mostly because we couldn't afford a two bedroom place when I was growing up," I replied. Effy handed me a few more screws for the front part of the crib. "But I also know that I slept in the same bed as my mum until I was one. She's a big believer in co-sleeping, says it lowers rates of sudden infant death syndrome and helps the baby and the mother sleep."

Effy shrugged and helped me screw in the final screws of the crib. We pushed the crib into the spot where it was supposed to be. We both agreed it was time to take a well deserved break, so I made us tea and brought out a new pack of Oreos.

"Heard from Cook at all?" Effy asked while we sipped our tea and stuffed our faces.

"Nope. Better that way. Ems and I have decided that we don't need him to be in Elouise's life after all. It's kind of a huge relief, to be honest. No more worrying about what kind of role Cook will have in her life or whether he'll abandon her at some point or whether Em will feel left out. Em reminded me that she's Elouise's other parent, not Cook. That really helped me sort things out."

Effy nodded and smiled. "I think you're finally getting the hang of this whole marriage and family thing, Naoms. Don't let anything fuck it up now."

I smiled at her. "I won't. Tomorrow is our two year anniversary of the day we met in Paris, and I'm not sure if Em remembers or not, but I'm planning on cooking her a very lovely and intimate meal and just properly celebrating, you know? I think we deserve it, after the past few months we've been through together."

Effy nodded solemnly. "Do you know when John Foster is meant to be released?"

"Well, he's supposed to be in the slammer for a year, but he's up for probation just after Christmas. I think the trial is actually on New Year's Eve."

Effy nodded. "Heard from Natalie at all about whether she's coming over for Christmas and New Year's?"

I shrugged. "I left her a message a few days ago, but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. And even if she can make it, I can't help but worry about whether Nat and my mum will get along."

Effy sighed. "I suppose you can only hope for the best. Gina doesn't seem like the type to hold a grudge, and Nat doesn't seem the type either."

I sighed. "I know, but you haven't really seen Gina in full-on protective mother mode. She might take one look at Nat and see everything that I deserved and didn't get. And as for Nat...I'm not so sure about her. There's just something about her that's making me keep my guard up a bit. It's not like she's keeping something from me...at least, not intentionally. But there's something in me that's telling me something's up and I just can't figure out what it is. But she's my half-sister and her mum's dead and now her dad's dead and she's single and has nobody to spend the holidays with, so I felt sort of...obligated to invite her, I suppose."

Effy grimaced. "You shouldn't have to deal with people based on obligation, Naoms. Even if she is your half-sister, you're not obligated to anyone other than Emily and that baby inside you."

"I suppose so," I replied, taking my last sip of tea. I'd been so distracted telling Effy about all of my problems that I hadn't even managed to eat a single Oreo before Effy ate the entire box.

Effy caught the look of disappointment on my face and looked down at the empty box in front of her.

"Woah...when did that happen?"

And I just nodded at Effy in a way that said 'Don't worry. I understand.'

We then went over to Effy and Katie's house and built their crib in less than half an hour. Effy started cooking dinner and I went home to take a nap.

As soon as I walked in the house, the phone was ringing. I ran (more like waddled) to the kitchen to answer it.

"Hello?" I said, pretty breathless from the seven feet I'd just ran across.

"Naoms? It's Nat. I'm just returning your call from the other day," Nat said cheerily. "I think it's so sweet of you to invite me for Christmas and New Years', but I'm not going to be able to make it to Christmas. My friends and I are going skiing in France and we're actually leaving tomorrow and not coming back until the 29th. But I'd absolutely _love_ to spend New Year's with you!"

I rolled my eyes. "Sounds great, Nat! Well, have a happy Christmas and a lovely skiing vacation and I will see you on New Year's."

"Thanks! Happy Christmas to you too!"

And with that, our painfully awkward (on my end it felt painfully awkward) conversation was over.

As soon as Emily came home, the first words out of my mouth were "Nat's coming for New Year's Eve but not Christmas because she's going _skiing_ in _France_."

On the words "skiing" and "France" I made myself sound like a posh twat.

"And this is bad because...?" Emily replied as she hung up her jacket and took off her snow covered boots.

"I don't know, I'm just getting a bad vibe from all of this, Em," I replied as Emily walked into the living room and sat next to me on the couch.

"Oh, darling, don't be so silly. She's just your half-sister, and I'm sure there's no reason for you to be getting all worked up about this," Emily said as she cuddled me into her side and kissed me. "Don't be so silly."

I sighed against her. "I suppose you're right. I'm probably just hormonal or something."

Em leaned into me and kissed me again. "Don't worry about it, Naoms. Everything will be fine, love."

I wished I could believe her, but the nagging feeling of doubt persisted.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review! I still reply to all reviews :)**

**Check out my tumblr at keeping-schtum DOT tumblr DOT com**


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for the great response to the last chapter! I hope that I get the same response for this chapter, it really does encourage me to write. I love hearing your feedback :)**

**I'm updating early this week as I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend writing papers. Ew. **

**Song for this chapter is _Skinny Love_ by Bon Iver. Give it a listen if you like. **

_**Also, PSA: the second half of this chapter is angst city. Be forewarned.**_

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 25: Skinny Love

_Wednesday, December 25th, 2013._

"Good morning, gorgeous," I vaguely heard Emily whisper before she climbed on top of me and kissed me. "Happy Christmas."

I smiled into our kiss and wrapped my arms around Em, who was being careful to put all of her weight on my legs and avoid my baby bump.

"Happy Christmas, darling," I replied. Emily rolled off me and helped me out of bed. I searched around the room for Libby, who usually slept with us. "Where's Libby?"

Emily smiled, grabbed my hand and dragged me into the living room. She pointed towards the Christmas tree, and sure enough underneath our tree, lying on her back and staring up at the dazzling lights and baubles, was Libby. I called to her and she looked over at me, but made no attempt to move. Lying under the Christmas tree was Libby's favourite part of the holidays – something about the way the lights looked and how they would light up in different patterns just mesmerized her. She also looked absolutely hilarious whenever she would lie on her back with her stumpy legs in the air. Emily went over to the tree and picked Libby up from underneath it. Libby looked quite unhappy with this new arrangement.

Emily and I spent our morning making breakfast together, wrestling Libby into her new Christmas sweater, and getting ready for later today. We were having everybody over at our place this year, and my mum was due to arrive to help Emily cook any minute now. Emily was fussing in the kitchen, wearing her Mrs. Claus cooking apron, Libby was lying under the Christmas tree yet again, and I was finishing up Elouise's baby blanket. Emily had also taken to knitting and crocheting lately and had already finished baby booties and mittens for Elouise.

I heard the front door open, letting in a cold gust of wind and probably a few snowflakes as well. This year's Christmas was the whitest Christmas Emily and I had experienced since we first got together.

"Am I late?" My mum called out as she rustled around in the front entrance, probably taking off her jacket and boots and other winter gear. Emily laughed in the kitchen and assured my mother that no, she was not late. My mum bustled into the living room, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, wished me a merry Christmas, and then made her way into the kitchen to help Emily. Kieran followed my mother into the living room and sat down next to me on the couch.

"Hello, Naomi, happy Christmas," Kieran said as he sat down with a groan and turned on the TV. "Eastenders' Christmas special looks like it'll be good this year, doesn't it?"

I shrugged. "Dunno, Kieran. Emily won't let me watch Eastenders," I replied. Kieran scoffed.

"That's a right crock o'shite, that is."

I smiled and focused on my crocheting again while Kieran flipped through the channels. Emily came into the living room and dropped off a tray full of Bailey's-filled glasses.

"Em, it's not even gone half-ten and you're already bringing out the booze?" I asked. Emily shrugged and smiled.

"It's Christmas, everybody's allowed to get pissed up on Christmas."

"Amen to that," Kieran replied as he leaned over and grabbed a glass of Baileys.

After Kieran's fourth glass of Bailey's and the first fifteen minutes of Eastenders, Katie and Effy arrived. Katie immediately sat down next to Kieran, wished us both a happy Christmas, grabbed her own glass of Baileys and started watching Eastenders with him. Effy gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, wished me a happy Christmas, and went into the kitchen to help mum and Emily with the food.

"Too bad Pat died, eh, Kieran?" Katie mused over her glass of Baileys. "Pat would've made this episode top-knotch."

"Right you are, Katie," Kieran replied as he looked longingly at the tray of Baileys. Emily had to refill the tray at least five times now, and my mum had angrily cut Kieran off after his fifth glass in less than an hour. Kieran claimed his Irish-ness as his defence, but mum wasn't having any of it.

Half-way through the Eastenders Christmas special, the rest of the Fitches arrived. Jenna and Rob hugged everyone and wished us all a happy Christmas. Rob sat down next to Katie, making all of us on the couch rather squished but nobody said anything. James sat down in an armchair and immediately pulled out some kind of gaming console.

"Oh, Naomi, you look positively glowing! How far along are you now, dear?" Jenna asked as she pulled me off the couch and into a hug. She grabbed at my baby bump and started talking enthusiastically to it. Jenna had already been informed that we were having a girl and were planning on naming her Elouise, and when we had told her she had burst into tears and wailed that she was just "so happy" for us.

"Six months now, Jenna," I replied. Jenna hugged me again.

"You're just getting so _big_ now, Naomi! I can't wait to meet my little granddaughter!" Jenna said with yet another enthusiastic smile before she insisted that I sit down again and stay off my feet. The ball of energy that is Jenna Fitch moved into the kitchen and immediately sent Effy out to the living room to rest. Effy huffed and slumped down into an armchair, since there was definitely no room for her on the couch.

"Been banished to the land of the husbands and pregnant women?" I asked, fighting off my smirk. Effy rolled her eyes.

"Oi! I'm here too!" Katie replied, obviously offended by my 'land of the husbands' comment.

"Jenna banished me here," Effy said with a pout. "She says that I shouldn't be standing up for too long and that I definitely shouldn't be around a hot oven with this."

Effy gestured at her baby bump, which seemed to be expanding at an alarming rate.

"You sure there's only one in there, Eff? Looks like it could be triplets if you ask me," I said. Eff sent me a dirty look.

"Definitely only one. The midwife says I just look big because I'm small in stature."

"No, babe," Katie interrupted. "You look big because we're going to have a cute and chubby baby."

"How big does Anna think he's going to be when he's born?" I asked. Effy looked down at her fingers and mumbled something.

"Maybe eight or nine pounds," Katie replied.

I shot Effy a look of sympathy.

"Alright, everyone! Food's ready!" Emily announced as she walked into the living room. She came over and helped me off the couch, which was much appreciated. Katie did the same for Effy. We all followed her into the dining room, Kieran and Katie grumbling the whole way about missing the rest of Eastenders. Even Libby abandoned her spot under the tree to follow us into the dining room, likely in the hopes that somebody would drop some food for her. The dining room table was immaculately decorated and set up. Emily, Gina, Jenna and Effy all looked rather smugly proud of themselves. There were Christmas crackers between each place mat, and there was a huge turkey in the middle of the table, and a much smaller roast beef for Kieran since he "doesn't eat birds". Emily and I sat next to each other, Katie and Effy sat next to Em, Gina and Kieran sat next to Jenna and Rob and somehow James ended up sitting at the head of the table.

There wasn't a moment of awkwardness where we all looked around at each other and waited for somebody to say a prayer or something of that sort. We all just sat down and started shoving food in our plates.

The noise and chatter at the table was so loud that I could barely hear myself think, but I was actually happy about it. Our families had finally come together as one despite personality differences and everything else that was working against us. Jenna was listening to my mum talk about the fight for equality and the benefits of communal living. Rob was listening to Kieran talk about his students that were apparently "a right pack of fuckers". Effy, James and Katie were engaged in a conversation about Chelsea and how well the team was doing this season. And Emily and I weren't talking at all – we shot each other grateful, happy smirks every once in a while as we took in the sight of our family all mixing together and getting along.

After everybody had eaten and cracked their Christmas crackers, we all waddled into the living room to open presents. We had all agreed earlier to get gifts for our immediate family only, which meant I only had to buy a gift for Emily and my mum. Emily was definitely happy with her gift - a shirt that says "yummy mummy", three makeup books I noticed that Emily _didn't_ already own, and a Nikon D-SLR camera for family photos. I'd bought mum some all-natural, fair-trade aromatherapy crap, and I gave her a certificate that said I donated a goat to a village in Africa. Mum was quite pleased with her gift as well.

When I opened up my gift from Emily, I was completely shocked. It was a brand new, state of the art MacBook Pro. Emily said she wanted me to be able to work from home for the magazine when we had Elouise, and this way I could write on my laptop, and then I could quickly bring my laptop into the office, transfer it onto my desktop Mac and Emily would print it and do the layout for me. Emily tentatively asked me if I liked it, to which I replied by kissing her. Of course I liked it. I liked anything that Emily bought for me because it meant she put time and effort into thinking about me and what I would like. It really is the thought that counts.

Eventually, everybody fucked off home and Emily and I were left in peace. We cleaned the house up and used my new laptop to buy clothes for Elouise online. Then we decided we were too tired to do anything else and climbed into bed and watched a movie together. Emily fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, and I followed soon after. Having family get togethers was completely exhausting, and now we were also having people over on New Year's Eve. I wasn't completely sure how we were going to be able to pull it off, but I was sure we would manage somehow.

* * *

_Tuesday, December 31st, 2012_

Our New Year's Eve party was almost in full swing – we were just waiting on one more person. Natalie hadn't shown up just yet, but had called earlier and told us that she would be a bit late because she had "business" to sort out before leaving London. Emily and I weren't too bothered since we weren't planning on having a sit down dinner party and were only serving hors d'oeuvres and snack type foods...and obviously an obscene amount of alcohol.

Emily was sort of in her own world tonight. She was pretty upset and obviously worried, but was trying desperately to hide it from our guests. Of course, she couldn't hide it from me. She didn't try to hide her feelings from me anymore. So when she got off the phone with her lawyer earlier that afternoon with her upset look on her face, I knew things had gone wrong at John Foster's probation hearing. Emily took one look at me and burst into tears.

"He's free again, Naoms," She cried as I wrapped her up in my arms. "When will it stop?"

I tried my best to comfort her, but I knew this wasn't just some kind of bump in the road. John Foster was a massive pain in our ass and an even bigger worry now that we wanted to settle down and just live a normal life. I was just as worried as Emily was. Worried that we'd never get our happy ending, that we'd never be able to walk down the street together with Elouise without looking over our shoulders.

I smiled at Emily from across the party, as she was in the kitchen preparing more plates full of snacks and I was in the living room chatting to my mum. Well, I was more forcing her to promise to be nice to Natalie.

"Alright, _fine_, Naoms. I'll try to be nice," My mum said, rolling her eyes and taking a sip of her champagne. I shrugged at her and smiled.

"That's all I'm asking for, mum. Just try. And also remember that Natalie is completely alone in this world and both of her parents are dead," I said. Mum shot me a dirty look, obviously aware that I was trying to play to her sympathetic tendencies.

"I'll _try_, Naomi."

The doorbell rang at that moment. I quickly went to answer the door by myself since Emily was still busy in the kitchen. I opened the door to find an empty-handed Natalie. Everybody else had been courteous enough to bring _something. _Katie and Effy had brought three bottles of champagne, Gina and Kieran had brought a strawberry-rhubarb pie, and Jenna and Rob had brought a quiche that was thankfully store-bought since Jenna's cooking is the most atrocious thing on the planet.

"Hey, Naomi!" Natalie said as she let herself in and hugged me. She was freezing cold and covered in snow, so I took her jacket and showed her where to put her shoes right away. I definitely didn't want her tracking that stuff through the house. "Sorry I'm late! My business partner got himself into a bit of trouble a while ago and I was helping him sort a few things out."

I nodded absentmindedly as I listened to Natalie ramble about her business partner.

"Well, see, he was charged with kidnapping and some other stupid charge a little while ago and was thrown in the slammer," Natalie whispered as I lead her through the party. I frowned a little, noting that her business partner sounded quite the dodgy character, indeed. "Hello, Emily! How are you, darling?"

Emily nodded at her and smiled, wiping her hands on her apron as she joined our conversation. I saw Gina looking over at us from across the party and I gestured her over with a small smile.

"I was just telling Naomi about my business partner. Anyway, he was just released today and I had to go get him and set him up in my flat, poor sod doesn't even have anywhere to live..." Natalie said, trailing off as she smiled gently at my mother. "Hi, you must be Gina. I'm Natalie."

My mum smiled tentatively at Natalie, but I was paying much closer attention to Emily, who had frowned at Natalie's story.

"Sorry," Emily interrupted with a tight smile. "Who did you say your business partner was again?"

Natalie smiled and waved her hand. "Oh, he's daddy's old psychiatrist. When Dad was first diagnosed with Alzheimer's, our GP referred us to a psychiatrist, and we ended up with John. He invested pretty heavily in the company when it wasn't doing very well, just shortly after Daddy gave me the company. Actually, he was pretty eager to invest..." Natalie trailed off as she noticed the look on both Emily's and my face.

"John..." Emily whispered, shaking her head as though she were trying to free herself from whatever nightmare this was we were living. "John Foster?"

Natalie frowned and nodded at us. "Do you know him?"

My heart felt as though it was going to crash through my chest wall and I was seeing spots I was so angry. I had no doubt that John Foster had planned it this way – there was no coincidence in that story. He just _happened_ to be Neil's psychiatrist, he just _happened_ to invest in his company, _obviously_ not knowing who Neil's illegitimate daughter was involved with.

"Oh my god," I whispered as I felt completely lightheaded. I leaned into Emily, who was yelling at Natalie, but I wasn't hearing any of her words. Gina was focusing on my face, completely ignoring Natalie and Emily's argument. I must've looked pale and probably pretty upset since Gina gave me a very worried look.

But something didn't feel right. Something was _wrong_.

And that's when I doubled over. I reached out towards my mum and grabbed her hand, trying to breathe through the tightness that ripped through my stomach and the stiffness I felt in my back. My muscles started spasming and I couldn't help but cry out, both in shock and pain.

"Naomi!" Emily yelled as she tried to grab me and help me upright. "What's wrong? Is it her? Is it Elouise?"

I had tears in my eyes as I tried to look at Emily, the fog and lightheadedness and pain clouding my vision.

"Something's wrong, Em," I whispered.

Emily flew into action, grabbing our coats and shoes. She bent down and helped me into my shoes as another spasm ripped through the muscles of my back, forcing me to stand upright and cry out again. My mum looked so worried and had tears in her eyes. A crowd had gathered around us, but I couldn't focus on any faces. I was so scared for Elouise.

Emily grabbed our car keys and rushed me out the door. I saw her shoot a pointed look to Katie, who just nodded in response. Just before she shut the door, I heard a scared, angry yell that definitely came from my mum, and another yell that came from Jenna, and yet another that came from Katie. I knew exactly who they would be taking things out on.

Emily grabbed my hand and shot me a worried look.

"It's gonna be okay, Naoms, I promise," She whispered, her voice breaking with tears as she tried to get me to walk as quickly as I could towards the car. "I promise."

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**Author's Note: Alright so I've left you with a massive cliffhanger and you probably want to punch me in the face. I apologize, but I have to say _trust me on this one_. But please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought of the chapter and what you think will come of all this.**

**Check out my tumblr page at keeping-schtum DOT tumblr DOT com**


	26. Small Bump

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for the awesome response to the last chapter! Please keep those reviews coming!**

**Song for this chapter is _Small Bump_ by Ed Sheeran. Don't freak out about that - I just think it's a really lovely song. Just listen to it while reading if you want.**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 26: Small Bump

_Tuesday, December 31st, 2013_

Emily drove as carefully as she could to the hospital, considering she was an emotional mess. I, too, was an emotional mess, but I was containing it a bit better than Ems, I think. I was shaking with fear for Elouise, but I was still feeling her kick and move around inside me. The contractions (or whatever those horrible pains had been) had stopped. I kept telling Em that I thought things were fine, but she refused to listen and insisted that we went to the hospital anyway.

We parked, paid and rushed into Accident and Emergency. As soon as Em explained the pains I'd felt, the nurses rushed me in and showed Emily and I to a very small curtained off room to wait for a midwife. Em sat by me as I laid down on the bed, and she held my hand tightly while we waited.

"I'm sorry, Em," I said quietly, deciding to break the silence between us. The hospital itself was anything but silent, but Em and I were completely silent ourselves.

Emily glanced up at me with a surprised look in her eyes.

"What?" She asked, grabbing my hand and kissing it gently. "Naoms, you have absolutely _nothing _to be sorry about, darling. If anything, I blame John Foster and that idiot sister of yours."

I frowned to myself. I was quite sure Natalie had a lot to deal with back at the house, what with Gina, Jenna and Katie all on her case. I wasn't sure if I should be mad at her or not. Of course, she had no clue who John Foster was to Emily or me, but she _did_ know the details of his charges and _I _knew she had more than enough money to buy him out of the company. Keeping him around was a liability, and I couldn't be completely sure that she hadn't been a little bit aware of the situation between John and Emily. I just didn't know what to make of anything anymore. I felt like I couldn't tell my ass from my elbow at the moment, and I had too much going on in my head to even try.

Emily sighed and grabbed my hand even tighter. "Sorry, Naoms. I just don't know how to feel about Nat at the moment."

I nodded at her and bit my lip. "Me, too."

A midwife pulled back the curtain and greeted us quickly, immediately moving towards the ultrasound machine and setting everything up.

"Please lift your shirt," the midwife said. I did as she asked and lifted my shirt. The midwife squirted some cold blue crap on my stomach, but smiled slightly at me. "Ah, you're lucky. No stretch marks."

I nodded at her and smiled just a little. "Yeah, I suppose I am lucky. My mum never got them so I don't think I'll get them."

The midwife nodded in acknowledgement and placed the wand on my belly. I immediately heard Elouise's heartbeat and the whooshing sound of water. Em let out a relieved breath and the midwife smiled a little at us and turned off the machine, putting the little wand back in its holster.

"Your daughter is just fine," she said. "But just to be on the safe side, I'd like to perform a proper internal exam quickly to make sure your cervix hasn't dilated. Have you had any more contractions?"

I shook my head at her as she handed me a tissue to wipe the blue stuff off my stomach. "Nope. I just had two contractions, I suppose. One was sort of...cramping in my stomach, and the other was like muscle spasms in my back. But they were within about two minutes of each other."

The nurse nodded and wrote a few more notes on my chart. She handed me a gown and told me to take off everything below the waist except my socks if I wanted to leave them on. She gave a quick reassuring smile and left the curtained area, closing the curtains to leave me to get changed. Emily was still sat next to my bed while I changed and passed her my clothes, though she looked much more relieved than she did earlier.

"You ok?" I said quietly as I slipped into the gown. Emily scoffed.

"I suppose so. Yeah."

I laid back down on the bed and called the midwife back in. She pushed my legs up slightly, put on a pair of surgical gloves and examined me as quickly as possible. She smiled up at me as soon as she was done.

"You're not dilated at all," She said. Emily sighed yet another sigh of relief and leaned over to kiss me quickly. "But we do want to keep you overnight for observation, since you did experience two contractions within two minutes of each other. I believe that the contractions you felt were Braxton Hicks contractions that could have been exacerbated due to stress, maybe high blood pressure or something like that. Remember, everything that you feel, the baby feels too. Try to keep yourself as relaxed as possible all the time. Someone will come in a few minutes to take you to your room. And Happy New Year."

I smiled at the nurse, wished her a Happy New Year as well, and Emily and I thanked her profusely. Emily hugged me tightly and kissed me again after the midwife left.

"I have to call Katie and let her know everything's okay. Everybody's probably worried sick," Emily said as she dug in her bag in search of her cell phone. I nodded at her and listened to her explain to Katie that both Elouise and I were completely fine but that I was being kept for observation overnight. It kind of sucked that I would be spending the first night of the New Year in a hospital bed and not in the comfort of my own home in Emily's arms, but I would do anything to make sure that Elouise would be safe.

I looked down at my watch and noticed that it was half an hour to midnight. I sighed, upset at how our New Year's was completely ruined. It was just another thing that John Foster had managed to ruin for us. I wondered if we'd ever be able to just live our lives without him interfering.

Emily hung up the phone call with a slight smile on her face. "They're all coming over to celebrate New Year's with us. Nat left shortly after we did, apparently."

I nodded, wanting to be happy that our family was joining us to ring in the New Year, but I couldn't get John Foster out of my head. I wanted Em and I to have a few moments of happiness, but I couldn't bear not knowing what Em was thinking another minute.

"Em. How do you feel about the whole John thing?" I asked her. Her smile slid off her face and she looked down and shrugged.

"There's nothing I can do about it, Naoms. I think it was naive of us to think that we'd ever be able to live a John Foster-free life. He'll always be there in some form or another, Naoms. I'm tired of fighting him and I'm tired of fighting for my freedom. The restraining order still stands and if he violates it again he'll be going away for quite a long time. But for right now, I just want to be happy with you, celebrate New Years, bring our daughter into this world and carry on with my life. I just want to move on," Em replied, moving over to sit next to me on the bed. She leaned down and kissed me gently. "Move on with me?"

I nodded and kissed her again because really, I'd do anything this woman asked of me. A nurse came in a few minutes later and showed me to my private room where Emily and I would be spending the night. She showed Emily how the chair reclined and could be slept in before she hooked me up to all the proper monitors and left the room. Em snapped a few photos of me looking miserable in my hospital gown, which was pushed up over my belly so a fetal heartbeat monitor could read Elouise's heartbeat.

After Em had finished taking embarrassing photos of me, I heard a group of voices walking down the hall towards my room. I was sat up in bed trying to watch some TV when I first heart it...the voice of Katie Fitch.

"'Scuse me, could you tell me where the Fitch-Campbells are?" Katie asked.

"The who?" The nurse replied, probably a bit bewildered by the sheer amount of people that had walked into the maternity ward. Em smiled and got up to get everyone.

"Oh my god, Naoms, you had me worried sick!" Effy said as she waddled into the room before anybody else. She wrapped her arms around me tightly as everybody else talked about just how worried I made them. Eventually, I was wrapped up in a massive group hug.

"Natalie got a right bollocking though," Katie said once everybody had calmed down a bit. She smiled slightly and turned to look at my mum, who was quite red-faced and looking pretty sheepish. I just smiled and decided to let it go.

"Between Gina and Jenna and Katie, Nat was in for quite the surprise. Though I'm not sure she was prepared for the wrath of Gina...or Katie for that matter!" Effy added.

I knew Natalie didn't deserve to get yelled at, but she didn't even bother to stick around to see if Elouise and I were okay. In my eyes, that was basically the end of our relationship – not because she didn't care to see if _I_ was okay, but because she didn't care to see if _Elouise_ was okay. So I couldn't help but smile as Effy elaborated on how Kieran _and _Rob _and_ James had to hold Jenna, Gina and Katie back.

"Oh well," Emily said, obviously trying to change the subject. She was trying to hide her slight smirk. "Did you guys at least properly lock up the house before you abandoned all the hors d'oeuvres I spent hours making today?"

Everybody muttered "yes, Emily" while Katie handed her our set of keys.

"Are we allowed to drink in the hospital?" Jenna asked, reaching into her handbag and pulling out an unopened bottle of champagne. "Because I may have stolen this from your party."

Em smiled and shrugged and cracked open the bottle, pouring everybody a glass except Effy and I. Effy and I were forced to settle for water while Emily made her toast.

"To health, happiness, love and family," Emily said, everybody clinking their plastic cups together. She turned to me and whispered, 'to my beautiful wife' and kissed me passionately.

Katie pulled out her cell phone and she and Effy began the countdown to midnight, everyone soon joining in. Emily kissed me at midnight and placed her hand protectively over my belly. It wasn't the perfect way to ring in the New Year, but I had my friends and family around me and despite everything that had happened that day, I felt happy.

_Wednesday, January 1st, 2014_

I woke up to the sound of Emily grumbling about how uncomfortable her chair was to sleep in. I wasn't doing much better myself. The hospital bed was too soft for my liking and I was longing for our King size bed at home to spread out in. I was also longing for the special pregnancy pillow that Emily had bought for me a few weeks ago that made it much more comfortable to go to sleep. The hospital was still bustling and busy despite the early hour and the fact that it was technically a holiday. The sun was just beginning to rise.

A nurse came in a few minutes after Emily gave up on sleep and turned on the telly. She checked Elouise's fetal heartbeat monitor, and gave me a quick ultrasound before having us sign my release papers. I gladly changed back into my clothes and out of my horrible hospital gown, gathered up all of my things, and headed home with Emily.

Libby greeted us happily as soon as we got home, though both Em and I were pretty grumpy from not sleeping properly the night before. Everybody hadn't left until almost 1:30 in the morning, after the nurses were forced to kick them out. Em and I actually headed straight back to bed as soon as we got home, with Libby trailing behind us happily. I washed my face for the first time since yesterday morning, washing away all the New Year's makeup I'd put on the day before. I brushed my teeth and tied my hair up in a messy ponytail before going back into the bedroom and changing into my Pjs. Libby was already waiting on the bed for Emily and I to finish getting ready. I climbed into bed a few minutes before Emily did, snuggling into my special pregnancy pillow and almost falling asleep straight away. Emily climbed into bed and snuggled into me, pulling me close into her.

"Love you," she whispered quietly, her tiredness evident in her voice.

"Love you, too," I replied, probably sounding just as tired as Em did.

I knew that this thing with John Foster was far from over, but I did my very best to do what Emily had asked of me last night. To just move on. I wasn't going to give him any more power over our family than he already had. And apparently, his plan to get to us through Natalie had backfired since I no longer wanted anything to do with Natalie after she hadn't even bothered to check up on me at the hospital, or even give me a quick phone call. Regardless, I was sure that we would be annoyed by John Foster at some point in our future, but I made myself promise to just let it go. There was no point in worrying about the future right now. I had to focus on keeping myself stress-free for Elouise's sake. I couldn't burden myself, my pregnancy, or my marriage with any more bullshit.

I felt Elouise kick me gently but also quite powerfully, a small bump against my side. It was so powerful that it made Em's hand bounce against my stomach. She laughed a sort of half-asleep laugh.

"She's a feisty one, our Elouise," she whispered and kissed my shoulder.

I smiled. She certainly was a feisty one.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review! I reply to all of the non-anonymous reviews I get. **

**Check out my tumblr page at keeping-schtum DOT tumblr DOT com**


	27. Forward

**Author's Note: So I didn't update last weekend... I'm sorry! I took a bit of time off to spend with family and friends since I didn't have any papers to write and my midterms were over. But this week is back to normal :) This chapter was actually really difficult to write - I'm so ready to write the birth scene it's unbelievable lol! I can't wait to introduce you all to Elouise, who's had this fully formed personality for MONTHS in my head. I think you're gonna love her and I can't wait for you to meet her!**

**That being said, this chapter isn't the birth scene, which is why it was so hard for me to write. But of course, other things have to happen before Elouise's birth :)**

**On a little side note, the last chapter didn't get very many reviews and I honestly can't remember if I replied to them or not. Sorry if I didn't! I'll reply to the ones I get for this chapter.**

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 27: Forward

_Friday, January 24th, 2014_

Just over three weeks had passed since New Year's Eve and my subsequent stay at the hospital. I hadn't heard from Natalie, and Em hadn't heard anything from her lawyer about John Foster. Though we were both a little uneasy, we were completely focused on preparing for Elouise's arrival. The episode at the hospital had scared us both, and we realized how completely unprepared we are for the baby. We didn't have nappies or a changing table or enough clothes for Elouise yet. I didn't even have time to go to the store and pick up a birthing pool or a nice receiver blanket to wrap Elouise in when she was first born. Luckily, over the past few weeks Em and I had managed to pick up a few more things we needed, with the help of my mum and Jenna, who were very eager to help.

Things had been pretty busy for me, considering I was now technically working two jobs. I was still working for the newspaper in London, writing my weekly article, and I was also working with Effy, Katie, Em, and Stacey on the online magazine that had really started to take off in the past few weeks. We were up to posting a brand new magazine once a week, which meant that we were also working our asses off at the studio to meet our deadlines. Let's just say there were a lot of late nights pulled in the studio from all of us. Of course, I wasn't planning on working this much after Elouise arrived – in fact, if the magazine continued to be profitable, I'd like to quit the newspaper entirely and just work on the magazine with Ems. It would be much easier to work just around the corner and be my own boss. I planned on taking quite a while off from working entirely and becoming a stay at home mum for at least a little while. Em and I had discussed it and our finances were definitely not going to take a hit if I didn't work for a few months, or maybe a year. It was nice to have that extra luxury.

Today, I found myself headed into London in the morning for my monthly meeting with my editors at the newspaper, and then this afternoon Effy and I were modelling for a pregnancy photoshoot for the online magazine. Then tonight, Emily and I were going to dinner and then going shopping for the birthing pool, and if I felt up for it, we would go to the cinema.

I suppose the nice thing about today was that I was pretty much guaranteed a seat on the tube, thanks to my huge pregnant belly. People were very accommodating, willing to give up their seats and chat to me about the baby and when I was due and what I was going to name my daughter. It was a nice change from the usual grimaces I faced whenever I was on the tube. At the office, everybody smiled at me and was much more nice to me than usual as well. The people at my work even prepared a small gift basket full of baby things for me, since this was the last meeting I would be attending before I went on my maternity leave. I didn't realize that the people in the London office even knew my name, so it was definitely a nice surprise.

My time in London was cut quite short seeing as I no longer had to stick around to see Natalie, and I managed to make it back to Bristol just in time for the photoshoot. Effy had been complaining about the shoot for almost two weeks now, and I completely understood where she was coming from. Em and Katie wanted us to be completely topless for the shoot, and considering the quite significant size of my breasts I just wasn't sure that it was possible to cover them in a tasteful way. Effy, however, just didn't like the idea of being photographed topless and pregnant.

"Why would anybody want to see a topless pregnant woman?" Effy was asking as I walked into the studio. Katie was setting up the lighting in the studio. Emily was chasing Effy around with four different makeup brushes in her hand, obviously trying to put the finishing touches on her makeup. "Who exactly wants to see stretchmarks and a big huge belly?"

"Babe, you don't have stretchmarks," Katie replied, rolling her eyes as Effy waddled around the studio in only her bra and a pair of designer jeans. "And _I_ like seeing you topless and pregnant."

"Yeah, but you're my partner, you're _supposed_ to like seeing me topless and pregnant," Effy rebutted. "And anyway, we still haven't even figured out how we're going to keep Naomi's tits covered."

"Now _that_ is an actual issue," I replied as Emily walked over to me and kissed me on the lips. "I'm thinking we should use some kind of parachute. Or possibly a blimp."

"Naomi, I really don't think we have the time or money to find a blimp," Emily said as she grabbed my hand and dragged me over to the makeup chair. Katie and Effy continued to argue about the whole topless situation while Emily started to fix my makeup. Luckily, Stacey wasn't in today, so she didn't have to be subjected to the mass hysteria of self-conscious pregnant women. I was starting to get a bit nervous about the shoot, but I kept repeating one word in my head to keep myself calm- "photoshop".

As soon as Katie managed to talk Effy out of her bra and Emily wrangled me out of my own bra, we were ready to shoot. Posing for the shoot was pretty difficult and actually significantly more embarrassing than I thought it would be. Apparently, being naked in front of your wife, your sister in-law, and your best friend is just bound to be an awkward experience. I could tell Effy felt embarrassed too, which made me feel only a bit better about things. The photoshoot took an exceedingly long time since Effy and I both felt so uncomfortable, and that was apparently translating into the photos. We shot for about 5 hours after a lot of poking and prodding from both Emily and Katie before Effy finally put her foot down and said there was bound to be at least one shot where we both looked good. I was rather glad to finally put my top back on.

Emily and Katie spent a few hours editing photos while Effy and I made our hasty exit and went to shop for baby clothes.

"So, do you feel ready to have the baby?" I asked Effy as she picked out some onesies and cute boy outfits. She shrugged and smiled at me.

"I suppose so. I'm really excited for him to get here, but I'm kind of nervous," Effy replied, grabbing a pack of baby socks. "I mean, what if I'm a bad mum? Or if I get overwhelmed and can't take care of him properly? Or...well...what if I get postpartum depression?"

I nodded and grabbed a pack of pink baby socks and a plain purple receiver blanket as well. "I think every new mum feels like that, Eff. Have you talked to Katie about it? She might be feeling a bit freaked out, too."

Effy nodded. "Well, we've talked about it but I don't know if she understands. Especially about the depression and why I'm so afraid of getting depressed again. I mean, she never knew me when I was depressed. Only you and Cook and Freddie did, and you know how much of a mess I was. I just don't want to be like that again. I don't want to put my son through that."

I nodded and hugged Effy quickly. "Eff, I'm sure you'll be a good mum. And if you become depressed, I'll be there to help you deal with it, and so will Katie and Ems."

Effy smiled, though I could tell it wasn't a true smile. I couldn't comfort her or ease her worries anymore. I would just have to accept that her worries won't just disappear, though I couldn't pretend my conversation with Effy hadn't bothered me. We finished up our shopping, and met Katie and Emily just outside the shop. Katie and Effy were going home, and Ems and I had dinner reservations.

"You okay, babe?" Em asked as she grabbed my hand. We started walking towards the restaurant while I contemplated whether I really was okay.

"I suppose," I replied. "I've just got a lot on my mind, I suppose."

Em bit her lip and nodded. "Is this about John?"

I shrugged. I couldn't pretend that John's reappearance in my life wasn't worrying or alarming. I'd tried to push thoughts of him to the back of my head, but this wasn't any way to live. I was constantly worried about when he'd next show up on our doorstep, both literally and figuratively.

"I think so. Well, it's at least a little bit about John."

Emily nodded and squeezed my hand. "We just have to forget about him and move on, Naoms."

"I can't forget, Em."

Emily nodded to herself and pointed out the restaurant just a few steps away.

"I understand that, Naoms. I can't really forget either, you know. But we can just try our best to move on. I know it's difficult, but we don't have another option right now."

"I wish we could just move away," I said as Em opened the door to the restaurant. Emily shrugged.

"Maybe we just need a vacation. Like another honeymoon before the baby comes. A babymoon."

I snorted. Em smiled at the hostess and told her our reservation details. We were promptly showed to our table, a quiet table in the back of the seating area. The restaurant was pretty busy, but the area where we were seated was lovely and quiet. I suppose that's why Emily was always the one to make reservations – she had all the contacts necessary to get as nice a table as this.

We were handed our fancy menus and Emily continued to talk about the possibility of a pre-baby vacation. I was actually pretty interested. I could use a week away from work and family responsibilities before Elouise got here. The only issue was that we would have to book the trip and leave very soon because Effy was due at the beginning of March and we would have to be back for the birth of her son. There was always a "two week cushion" that our midwife told us about, meaning that Effy could give birth either two weeks before or two weeks after her due date. These things were never very accurate.

"So, what do you think, Naoms? Where do you want to go on vacation?" Em asked.

"Anywhere but Paris," I replied with a knowing smile.

* * *

Emily and I ate dinner in relative peace, deciding that we were going on a vacation, but not deciding on a location. We ruled out somewhere hot and sunny because I didn't feel sexy enough to parade around in a swimming costume. We hadn't decided on anything else, though.

We were headed to the toy store because apparently a birthing pool and an inflatable kiddy play pool were the same thing. Emily ran into the store and picked up the biggest pool she could find that would still fit in our living room, leaving me in the car because I was bloody exhausted and my back was killing me. We had also ruled out going to the cinema tonight, mainly because I was completely knackered and demanding a massage from Emily as soon as we got home. Emily put the inflatable pool into the trunk, as well as a rather large exercise ball which she crammed in the back seat.

"What is that huge ball thing for?" I asked as Emily sat down in the driver's seat and started the car up.

"The saleslady said it's good for pregnancy and labour. Something about it taking pressure off your back and allowing your pelvis to open up, I think," Emily replied as she began to drive us home. Emily had become a much more cautious driver since I got pregnant.

"I don't think we need the ball to open up my pelvis, hun," I replied, biting my lip to stifle my laughs. "You do that just fine."

"Cheeky."

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review!**

**Check out my tumblr page at keeping-schtum DOT tumblr DOT com**


	28. The Day You Burst

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter! I'm posting a bit early this week as I've actually managed to manage my time well (yay!) so I had extra time to write.**

**The song for this chapter is Sleepyhead by Passion Pit (acoustic version), so give it a listen if you like. It is an absolutely beautiful acoustic version of the song. **

**We're meeting a new character this chapter. Hope you're excited!**

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 28: The Day You Burst

_Saturday, February 22nd, 2014_

That Saturday was a cold and dreary and rainy day in Bristol. Emily and I were spending the afternoon shopping for last minute baby things for both Effy and Katie and ourselves. Effy had started feeling horribly sick over the last few days, refusing to eat anything and throwing up almost anything she did manage to eat. Emily and I had offered to pick up whatever Katie and Effy needed so that Katie could stay home and take care of Effy.

Emily and I still had to pick up things like breastfeeding pillows, a baby swing, a diaper genie, and plenty of other last minute things that we hadn't even thought to buy before Jenna and Gina came over last night. They walked in and bombarded us with questions about where all the baby things are. My mum berated me for not buying our special crib that was going to attach to mine and Emily's bed just yet, and Jenna was thoroughly displeased when she noticed we didn't even have a rocking chair in the nursery yet. Needless to say, our mothers had sent Emily and I into a complete panic that only escalated as we realized how completely unprepared we were to become parents. By the end of the night, Emily was so overwhelmed she was almost in tears, and I was so overwhelmed Emily had to talk me down from three panic attacks.

And that was how we found ourselves walking down the streets of Bristol, arms filled with shopping bags and minds filled with doubts. Both of us were horribly stressed out since we hadn't managed to get any time off work to go on our "babymoon" and had decided to skip it entirely and possibly wait until Elouise was about 6 months old to go on vacation. Emily and I made our way into yet another baby store and picked out mittens and hats and car seat covers for a car seat and stroller we suddenly remembered we didn't even own yet.

"This is bloody hard work. Why didn't anybody throw us a baby shower so we could get all this crap for free?" I grumbled as we walked back to the very first baby store we had walked into over two hours ago.

"I have no idea. A baby shower would have been less stressful to plan than this shopping spree," Emily replied. We browsed through the strollers and car seats as quickly and efficiently as possible, finally settling on one with an absolutely astronomical price tag and the best safety ratings.

"This stroller costs as much as the downpayment on our car," I said, turning to Emily as I handed the cashier my credit card for the umpteenth time that day.

"It's for Elouise," Emily reminded me, kissing me swiftly in a vain attempt to keep me happy.

I had absolutely no desire to be out shopping. I was in the nesting phase of my pregnancy, meaning I never wanted to leave the house and I would spend every millisecond of the day tidying, cleaning and organizing the house. I even started doing the laundry and cooking. Emily was so happy when I started doing the laundry and cooking that she had "extra-treated" me on Valentine's day, allowing us both one day off to stay home, order takeout, and have sex all day long (with time for naps in between orgasms, of course). It was an extravagance that I was sure we weren't going to get much of within the coming years, so I definitely appreciated that day. It was _almost_ better than last year's Valentine's day when we were in Paris and proposed to each other. Almost.

After another two hours of shopping, we returned home with an absolutely stuffed car full of baby toys, baby clothes, car seats, strollers, cribs, baby swings, nappies, diaper genies, pacifiers, breast pumps, breastfeeding bras, baby bottles, and breastfeeding pillows. At this point, I was sure the only thing we were missing was the baby.

Emily called Katie over and allowed her to take the things we had picked up for her and Effy, which seemed relatively small compared to the massive haul of things Emily and I were carrying into the house. Libby looked at us curiously, watching us move from the car to the living room as we filled the room with boxes and shopping bags. It took almost forty-five minutes to unload the car. When we were finally done, all I wanted to do was sit down and take a nap until I went into labour, but of course, I couldn't do that surrounded by baby things. So I went into full-on nesting mode, unpacking every box and shopping bag and putting them all in their rightful place in the house. Some things headed to the nursery, like the rocking chair, diaper genie, nappies, clothes, and a few toys that Elouise wouldn't use till she was older. Some other things headed straight to our bedroom, like the crib that was going to attach to the side of our bed since we were planning on co-sleeping for the first few months at least, the breastfeeding pillow, the breastfeeding bras, and the breast pumps. The baby bottles and pacifiers were sent to the special baby drawer in the kitchen, though I knew as soon as Elouise arrived the pacifiers would be scattered around the house haphazardly.

After Emily and I had put together the new crib and rocking chair (which was some kind of fancy new "glider" chair that didn't actually rock back and forth, but instead, _fucking glided_), we crashed out on the couch. I was laying next to Emily, my bump now creating a massive divide between us, so much so that Emily was on the very edge of the couch cushion, on the verge of falling off at any given moment. Elouise kicked roughly, and Emily looked over and literally grabbed Elouise's foot that was protruding from my stomach.

"Must be getting cramped in there," Emily whispered, a smile on her face as Elouise kicked again. I winced – Elouise was getting stronger and her kicks were starting to hurt a bit.

"Probably not as cramped as this couch," I replied. Emily smiled and rolled off the couch. "Fancy some takeout?"

"Yes," I responded excitedly. "Can we have Thai food tonight?"

Emily nodded and smiled and went to order our food. She already knew exactly what I was going to have – two orders of spicy pork peanut dumplings and one order of chicken and beef pad thai. That was my Thai takeaway pregnancy order since I was 20 weeks pregnant and I first started craving spicy food and I was going to stick to it.

Later that same night, while Emily and I were eating dinner, we got a call from a rather distressed Katie. Apparently, Effy had gone into labor and was progressing alarmingly quickly. Katie had already called Anna, our midwife, over and she said it was only about an hour before the baby would start crowning.

"We'll be right over, Katie," Emily said, putting down our cartons of Thai food. I felt nervous but also a bit put out as I'd only finished one of my two orders of dumplings. Emily hung up and knowingly smiled at me, grabbing our containers of food and putting them in the fridge. "We'll save these for later. I know you'll still be hungry then."

And with that, Emily grabbed my hand, stopping quickly to slide our shoes on and we walked the very short distance (literally only a few feet) to Katie and Effy's house next door. We didn't bother with jackets or anything of the sort. We let ourselves in to the house, immediately hearing Effy's heavy breathing and Katie's attempts at coaching. I heard the sound of water running and when I walked into the living room I saw Anna filling up the birthing pool. Effy, dressed only in a bathrobe, was on her knees with her chest pressed against a birthing ball, breathing heavily through a contraction. Katie was forcefully pressing the palm of her hand into Effy's lower back. Emily and I knew better than to announce our arrival while Effy was in the middle of a contraction, so we waited until she opened her eyes again and stopped breathing so heavily.

"Hey, guys," She said, completely unfazed as she looked up at us. "Hope I didn't interrupt anything important."

Emily and I shrugged. "Just dinner, but that's not a problem. From what I hear this isn't going to take very long," Emily said as we sat down on the couch, which had been pushed a bit off to the side to make room for the birthing pool.

Effy smiled at us and tightened her robe a bit. "I certainly hope it won't take long. Anna reckons I've been in labour the whole time I've been sick, so two days now."

Anna looked up at us and waved. "How are you, ladies?" She asked us warmly as she stuck her elbow in the water to test its temperature.

"Fine, thanks, Anna. How's our Eff doing?" Emily asked, grabbing my hand and playing with my wedding band and engagement ring.

"Well, she's fully dilated now so it's only a matter of time before we have a little Fitch-Stonem on hand," Anna replied, running to the kitchen and turning off the hot water. She disconnected the hose she had attached to the faucet and made sure it was empty of all water before putting it away in her birthing bag. "Ready to get into the pool?"

Effy shook her head quickly and went back into her heavy breathing. Katie immediately put her hand back on Effy's lower back and tried her best to help her through the contraction. Em and I just sat there, feeling completely useless until Anna asked us to get some fresh towels, a blanket and a nappy for the baby. Em took care of the towels while I took care of the blanket and nappy. When we returned, Effy's contraction was over and she was in the birthing pool, wearing only a bikini top, battling through yet another contraction. Anna examined her quickly, and used a fetal doppler to read the baby's heartbeat.

"Okay, Effy, you're going to feel some very intense pain within the next few minutes known as the ring of fire – that's when your baby's crowning. It's going to burn quite a lot, love," Anna said, giving Katie a pointed look. Katie was nervously standing in the corner of the living room, but as soon as Anna gave her that look she moved right next to Effy. She grabbed her hand and pushed her hair away from her face, even grabbing a hair tie and putting it in a bun so it wouldn't get wet. Effy was squeezing Katie's hand rather tightly, and was biting her lip to a point where it was completely white.

"Eff, you're going to make your lip bleed," I said as I walked closer to the birth pool and took Effy's free hand. "Try the yoga breathing we learnt."

"I can't breathe, Naoms, it hurts too much, I can't do anything," Effy growled, squeezing my hand so tightly I was surprised it didn't instantly fracture. I wrapped my other hand around and dipped my hand into the warm water, rubbing her back just as Katie had done earlier. Katie was whispering in Effy's ear, somehow managing to get Effy to calm down for a few moments.

"Ok, Eff-" Anna said before she was interrupted by a loud scream from Effy. Anna looked over at us and mouthed 'ring of fire' while Effy continued to scream. Katie was so worried and scared she had burst into tears and Effy was trying to push down even farther into the pool because of the pain, leaving me holding her upright.

"It's okay, Eff, just think of your son, do it for him," I whispered as Effy started to sob.

"Effy, it's decision time. Your baby has crowned, you did a great job, love. I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but he's almost here. We need to decide if you're going to push or if you're going to let your body naturally push him out," Anna said quietly and calmly. "Or you can just do whatever feels natural to you – if you feel like you have to push, then push. If you feel no need to push, don't worry about it. Your contractions are fairly strong and I'm sure that we'll have him here just as quickly if you don't push."

Effy nodded. "I'm not going to push unless I feel I need to," She responded through gritted teeth. Anna nodded and from that point on, all we could do was wait. Effy was in absolute agony, I could tell, though she had stopped screaming and crying. Katie was still holding Effy's hand and talking to her, but was also being comforted by Emily who was calmly rubbing her sister's back.

I watched as Effy's breathing changed with each contraction and an occasional push. Anna was quite right – a few minutes later, she announced that the baby's head was out and the next contraction would likely push his body out. Emily went to grab the towels and blankets we'd gathered as Effy changed position in the pool. With her next contraction, and with some coaching from Anna, Effy reached down and pulled her son out of the pool.

"Make sure you pull him up so his back comes out of the water first, dear," Anna coached as Effy grabbed her son and pulled him gently out of the water. She turned him upright and cradled him against her chest as he spluttered and coughed and let out a teeny tiny cry. Katie wrapped her arms around her partner and her son, leaning down to kiss them both. Their son had a full head of dark brown hair that was so long it was starting to curl at the ends. He was definitely a chubby baby, just like Anna had said he'd be, and his eyes were dark blue like all newborn babies.

Emily grabbed my hand tightly as we watched the small family. When I looked over at her through tear-filled eyes, I saw a massive smile on her face with cheeks marked with fresh tears. I leaned over and kissed her quickly.

"Any ideas on a name?" Anna asked as she grabbed a metal bowl and some medical scissors.

Effy nodded through her smiles and tears. "Owen. Owen Wesley Fitch-Stonem."

And with that, Owen Wesley Fitch-Stonem let out another small cry, letting the world know that he was finally here.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review! I love hearing your feedback!**


	29. Imagine

**Author's Note: So...here we are WAY earlier than usual. Since I'm updating now, I doubt I'll be updating this upcoming weekend as I have two papers that I need to do.**

**The response to the last chapter was sort of...meh. The reviews I did get were great, and thank you so much for reviewing! I certainly hope I get a bit of a better response to this chapter.**

**The song for this chapter is Imagine by John Lennon.**

**And as usual, I don't own/have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 29: Imagine

_Thursday, April 18th, 2014_

"Ems," You whispered in my ear, disturbing me from sleep. I groaned and shrugged your arm off my shoulder. I hadn't been able to sleep well all night because you were tossing and turning and huffing and puffing because you couldn't get comfortable. You were almost two weeks overdue and were constantly uncomfortable. To say that your bump was rather big now would be like saying the Titanic hit a rather small iceberg. I tried my best to understand what you were going through, how uncomfortable it can be for your body to be carrying an extra thirty-five pounds. You put your hand on my shoulder and shook me roughly. "Ems!"

"Whaddaya wan', Naoms?" I muttered, still half asleep.

"I've been having contractions for the last two hours and they're now less than five minutes apart," you whispered back. My heart stopped. "My waters haven't broken yet."

With that, I sat up straight in bed and zoomed into action. I grabbed my cell phone and my robe, putting it on hastily while I phoned Anna. You got out of bed and went into the living room, walking much slower than usual and stopping before you made it to the staircase to hold onto the banister for support while you worked through a contraction. The phone rang four times before I got through.

"Hello," Anna answered, sounding horribly groggy. I looked at the clock and noted that it was four in the morning.

"Anna, it's Emily. Naomi's gone into labour. She's been having contractions for the last two hours and they're less than five minutes apart. Her waters haven't broken yet," I said, spewing out the facts as I walked into the nursery to check and see if Katie and Effy's lights were on. They were. Owen wasn't sleeping through the night just yet and I knew he usually woke up for a feeding at about this time.

"Okay, I'm on my way. We still have some time. Don't worry too much, Emily. I'll be there within the next hour," Anna replied. I hung up and walked back over to you. You were still working through a contraction and holding onto the banister for support.

"You okay?" I whispered as I pushed the palm of my hand into your lower back. You eased up slightly when I applied enough pressure, but didn't respond. When the contraction was over, you moved back into the bedroom and put your bathing suit on underneath your robe. You walked downstairs silently and I heard you starting to pump up the birthing pool. I put on my slippers and rushed down the stairs, peeking in the living room to see you sitting on the birthing ball I bought for you all those months ago, and Libby trying to figure out how the hell the pump for the birthing pool was working. I told you I was headed over to Katie and Effy's and received no response before I left. I ran across our adjoined front gardens in just my slippers and robe and knocked on the front door with a ring of urgency. Katie answered a few moments later, holding a half-awake Owen.

"Naomi's gone into labour," I said quickly. "She won't speak to me."

Effy climbed down the stairs, obviously still in her pyjamas, much like Katie was. She walked over to us and silently took Owen out of Katie's arms.

"You go for now," Effy said, looking at Katie who was pale with panic, much like she'd been at Owen's birth. "I'll finish feeding Owen and put him back to sleep. Come back in about an hour and I'll go over and stay until Naomi delivers or Owen needs feeding again, whichever happens first."

Katie nodded and grabbed her cell phone and house keys. Effy looked at me and smiled comfortingly. She wrapped me into a hug that squashed Owen between us, though he didn't make a single noise. Owen wasn't a very fussy baby. He rarely cried and spent quite a lot of his time sleeping and eating.

"Don't worry if she isn't speaking to you, Em. You know Naomi. She's probably going somewhere in that head of hers to try to escape the pain and prepare herself and she won't be able to focus on talking to you. I'll be over soon," Effy said, kissing me gently on the cheek. I leaned down and smoothed Owen's full head of hair before kissing him lightly on the forehead. He smelled of milk and spit and baby. It was an odd combination that made my heart melt. I loved that smell. Katie kissed her wife and son and we left, walking back across our adjoining front lawns and into my house.

I found you and Libby almost exactly where I left the two of you. You were sitting on your birthing ball and obviously going through another contraction, and Libby had jumped into the now fully inflated birthing pool and was sitting inside, watching you intently.

"Libby!" I scolded. "Get out of there!"

And Libby hopped right back out and walked over to sit next to Katie's feet. I walked over and helped you reposition yourself, in hopes that you might feel more comfortable. Katie showed me a few of the massages she used on Effy while she had been in labour and I began to use them on you, though you still weren't speaking. Katie settled herself right in, giving me tips on where I should put more pressure on your back and where I should have more of a gentle touch.

I was an absolute nervous wreck. What if something went wrong? What if we didn't have all the things we needed for Elouise? What if Anna didn't make it on time? Should I start filling up the birthing pool so you could get in there now? Should I check to see how dilated you were? How did I even do that? Your contractions were getting closer together and much stronger than before and I was seriously worried that I was going to have to deliver this baby myself and potentially ruin my brand new carpet in the living room. It seemed that with each passing contraction, I was becoming more and more worried. With you not speaking to me, I didn't have anyone to pull me out of my head and laugh at me for getting myself so worked up. You are the only thing I have in this world that really and truly matters to me, and without you, I realized that it was difficult to remember how to be the best version of myself. You were breathing heavily, an indication that you were having yet another contraction when Anna burst into the house and saved _me_ from bursting into tears.

Anna went straight to work and started filling up the birthing pool, insisting that you got in there as soon as possible. You complied, not saying a single word while you did, though. I helped you out of your robe and into the pool, and I could tell that you were silently grateful for my help. Katie left a short while later, and Effy came over a few minutes after Katie left. Effy and I tried our best to help you through the contractions while Anna fussed about getting things ready.

"This is going to take much longer than Effy's birth did," Anna replied. "We might not have a baby here until tonight."

Upon hearing this, you let out a single groan. I know how you feel – I want this to be over as quickly as possible, too.

That groan was the only noise you made all day long – you didn't say a word while we added more hot water to the pool, or while Effy made breakfast for the both of us, or while I tried to feed you scrambled eggs. I only managed to feed you a little bit. I could tell you weren't hungry and were too scared and in too much pain to eat.

Effy left to feed Owen four times, always returning about half an hour later. You had your eyes closed most of the time, as though you were in some kind of meditative trance throughout the whole labour. When you did look at me, the blue eyes I knew and loved were filled with fear, and love and excitement. I knew that feeling well, as those feelings were echoed in my own eyes. We both looked at each other with fear, love and excitement on our wedding day, and we were doing it again today.

Elouise didn't start to crown until just past dinner time that evening. You didn't scream like Effy did (thank goodness, because it may have killed me to hear you scream in pain, my love), but you did grab my hands and look at me the whole time as your eyes (and my eyes) filled with unshed tears. Your pain is my pain, Naomi. I whispered words of encouragement to you, trying my best to be brave and strong for you, just like you'd been strong and brave for me so many times. You had already decided at our last midwife appointment that you weren't going to push unless you felt the need to, so all we had to do now was wait. Anna checked the baby's heartbeat periodically.

"This baby sure seems reluctant to be born," Anna joked almost an hour after Elouise had crowned. You closed your eyes and bit your lip, a sure sign that you were worried. I was worried, too.

"Is that something we should be worried about?" I asked, a tone of urgency filling my voice as I rubbed your back and pushed your hair away from your sweat-covered forehead.

"No, everything's fine. The baby's heartbeat is normal and Naomi _is_ progressing, just slowly. I'd say we'll have Elouise out in 30-45 minutes from now."

And Anna was right. Almost exactly forty-five minutes after she said those words, you were holding our blonde-haired, blue-eyed daughter, who was positively screaming her head off and she sounded _pissed._ You smiled at me and leaned over to kiss me while Anna took a quick examination of our daughter.

"You did it," I said proudly against your lips. I felt you smile into our kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too," You replied, the first words you'd said all day long. Anna handed our daughter back to you and smiled at me.

"Would you like to cut the cord?" She asked, holding out a pair of scissors to me. I grimaced, though you laughed and urged me to 'just cut the damn thing'. So, I did. I cut the cord while you watched and tried to quiet our screaming daughter. You handed her to me after a few minutes. Anna urged me to leave the room and get Elouise bundled up while you had to deliver the placenta. Oddly enough, I wasn't disgusted by the thought – nothing about you disgusted me.

I held our daughter and stared at her in complete wonder while I put her nappy on. Anna had advised me not to put any clothes on her just yet. Elouise was staring at me with eyes that were just like yours. Her hands were balled up into little fists, as though that same passionate fire that burned in you also burned in our daughter. I swaddled her in a blanket, just like you'd taught me the first time we babysat Owen together. The swaddling seemed to calm Elouise down quite a bit. I traced my index finger gently over her face. I know she's still small, Naoms, and her face might change but I think she has your nose. Have I ever told you how much I love your nose? Maybe I didn't realize how much I love your nose until I saw it on the face of our daughter.

I walked downstairs with Elouise swaddled and cosy in my arms. You were finally out of that birthing pool and were wrapped up in a fluffy housecoat Effy must have thought to get for you. You walked over to me and wrapped your arms around us. You looked down at our daughter and smiled, your eyes welling up.

"She has your lips, Em," you whispered, making my own eyes well up. "Just like I imagined."

I know it isn't possible for her to have my lips, and I know you know that, too. But as soon as you said that, every doubt I had fled my mind. Our daughter was _ours _and nobody else's.

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**Author's Note: Please don't forget to leave a review and let me know what you thought!**


	30. Author's Note

Author's Note

I'm not sure that this is going to be a positive author's note in which I proclaim that I am going to fight the bad guys and the criticism or whether this is going to be a negative author's note in which I keel over and give up. All I know, all that I'm sure of, is that I am really upset.

I checked my emails tonight on my cell phone, just after getting into bed, to find, by far, the most scathing review I have ever gotten. It was from an anonymous reviewer, meaning I have the power to choose whether to allow it to be posted as a review or not. I believe in freedom of speech and I'll moderate the review and allow it to be posted as a review as soon as I have finished writing out this author's note. Let it be known that the only reason why I am even writing this author's note at the moment is because this review was left **anonymously** and I have absolutely no way of replying to it personally and since I believe in freedom of speech, I believe I have the right to say something about this review. I'll also post an exact copy of the review I got here:

"Firstly I would like to begin by saying that it is not my intention to upset or demoralise you with this review, my aim is to give you honest feedback and constructive criticism of this story so far. With hopes that you will take it on board and feel inspired to further improve your writing in the future.

You are not getting the great response you desire because in my opinion the quality of this story's plot has declined dramatically from when you started writing it. The first few chapters of 'Stranded' were really gripping and interesting, in comparison the whole of 'As it was made to be' is predominantly predictable, boring and unoriginal. To top this off your writing style and choice of vocabulary is equivalent to that seen in a 'Health and Safety' manual.

If you look at almost any popular piece of fictional prose on this site that have had a large amount of reviews, and heaps of praise you will see a number of common features that they share. I will briefly discuss two of these features that if pursued and worked upon would cause a dramatic improvement in your stories. Undoubtedly the most important feature being an original and intriguing Plot that raises questions within the readers mind that they are eager to discover the answers to. The second feature is a strong but entertaining narrative that is able to explore the protagonists deepest thoughts and feelings so the reader feels as if they can relate and fully understand with the characters actions.

Saying all of this I believe the first few chapters of your your story 'Stranded' did have a good plot and a reasonably interesting narrative which was reflected in the reviews.

I hope you are able to take this criticism and advice positively then come back with a well written, original story in time with the inevitable resurgence of popularity in the Naomily fandom when series 7 of Skins is broadcast."

I understand that the reviewer's intent was not to "upset or demoralise" me but there is absolutely no way in which insulting something that I have worked countless hours on is not going to upset or demoralize me. To say that my "writing style and choice of vocabulary is equivalent to that seen in a Health and Safety manual", and that my work is "predictable, boring and unoriginal" is massively upsetting and demoralizing. To say that my work has no plot is also massively upsetting and demoralizing. And then to suggest that I take this "criticism and advice positively" is possibly the most laughable thing I've heard all year. I'm not sure if this reviewer can understand what it is like to pour your soul out into a work, or what it is like to spend a ridiculous amount of time researching, writing and editing something that matters a great deal to you and then receive this type of review that bashes everything you worked terribly hard on. It's quite soul crushing, to say the very least.

At this point, I'm terribly upset and I'm not sure what my next course of action should be. So I've decided to turn to you, my readers. I need to know what you think. The way I see things, I have a few options. I can go on hiatus, abandon AIWMTB and "come back" when I've finished writing my next project (which I've already started writing). Or I can continue AIWMTB. It's up to you.


	31. Happiness

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for everybody who wrote a review on chapter 29 and my author's note and let me know that they wanted me to continue writing. I'm definitely continuing with AIWMTB. We're in the tail-end of the story now and I expect it will be done by New Year, which is when I'll start posting my new story. **

**That being said, I realized after posting the Author's Note that now all my chapters are going to be messed up because it'll say "31. Chapter 30" on fanfiction and that kind of stuff bothers me to no end so I'm posting a short bonus chapter as chapter 31 at the same time that I'm posting this, meaning you'll get the short bonus chapter in this update. I'm sorry if that didn't make any sense to anybody, but you'll see what I mean when you get to the end of the chapter.**

**As usual, I don't own/have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 30: Happiness

_April 19th, 2014_

I was completely exhausted, but I couldn't fall asleep. All I wanted to do was stare at the gorgeous face of my daughter. I was sat in bed with the TV on, though I wasn't watching it – I was watching Elouise, who was sleeping against my chest. I couldn't get over how gorgeous she was – blonde hair, blue eyes, and perfect lips that really did look exactly like Emily's. Elouise was so tiny, I couldn't believe how small she was. Anna said she weighed only six pounds and eleven ounces. Her tiny fingers amazed me, with her tiny nails and her tiny knuckles. I spent ages staring at her hands. Emily was completely obsessed with our daughter, too. She spent almost all evening last night watching Elouise sleep. Emily was more of an emotional mess than I was – every time she looked at Elouise, she started to cry, as though she couldn't believe that she was really ours. I couldn't believe that she was ours either, but I didn't cry nearly as much as Emily did. Maybe I was just too tired to cry all the time.

Effy had warned me a few weeks ago, just after she'd given birth to Owen, that breastfeeding was harder than it seemed. I'd actually gotten a bit worried about whether I'd be able to breastfeed Elouise at all, since Effy said it was pretty painful at first. Luckily, Anna took the time to show me how to get Elouise to properly latch on, and though I got some pretty bad cramps while Elouise fed, it hadn't been nearly as painful as Effy had made it seem. Anyway, it was definitely nowhere near as painful as giving birth was.

Emily had tucked me in bed sometime yesterday, promising to take care of me until I started feeling normal again. Elouise's birth had really taken it out of me, and for lack of a better term, I felt as though I'd been hit by a freight train. Emily had done a great job taking care of things while I've been off my feet. She made us a small dinner last night, did the laundry, woke up with me for each of Elouise's night feedings, and made a big breakfast for the whole family this morning. My mum and Kieran were first to arrive this morning, which meant that Mum got to hold Elouise first.

"Hello, my gorgeous darling, Elouise Pearl," Mum cooed as Elouise stared up at her with fascinated eyes and a slightly open mouth. "You're so beautiful, my love, you look just like your mummy did when she was a baby. Yes you do."

Kieran took a look at the baby and smiled. He told Emily and I that we did a "good job" and then he sat down to watch TV. But Mum was having none of that. About half an hour later, she sat down right next to Kieran and handed Elouise over. Kieran stared down at Elouise with a terrified expression on his face. Elouise looked just as unsure as Kieran did and Emily nearly had a stroke when Kieran almost forgot to support Elouise's neck.

"Gina, I don't think this is a good idea," Kieran said, trying to hand Elouise back. He kept shooting Emily and I apologetic glances. Mum shook her head and smiled.

"Kieran, you're going to have to learn how to hold a baby sometime. You're a granddad now," Mum replied. She showed Kieran how to hold Elouise properly, and soon our daughter had fallen asleep in his arms. "See, you're a natural."

Kieran pursed his lips and stared down at our daughter, before smiling again. He let Elouise sleep while he watched TV until Jenna and Rob came over.

Jenna and Rob arrived soon after, and demanded all of Elouise's attention, though Elouise _did not_ appreciate being woken up and made sure she let everybody know about it. Jenna held her first, and though she didn't say much, I could tell that she loved Elouise just as much as she loved Owen. Rob was next to hold Elouise, though I don't think Elouise liked the sound of Rob's voice much. Rob was quite happy to hand Elouise over to Emily as soon as she started fussing. I suppose what Emily and I now refer to as Elouise's "fussing" can be a bit shocking though, considering she doesn't just make tiny noises like Owen does when he's hungry or needs his nappy changed or if he's tired. Elouise full out screams when she gets "fussy", and her little arms and legs move as though she's in desperate need of attention and she wants that attention _right now_. Emily tried to settle Elouise down, though we both knew it was futile. Elouise was likely hungry and tired and no amount of Emily's calm words would keep Elouise quiet.

I took Elouise upstairs and changed her before I started feeding her. Usually Elouise falls asleep after I finish feeding her, and she'll normally stay asleep for a few hours at least. Emily came up to check on me a few times while I was feeding Elouise, and after a 45-minute feeding, Elouise fell asleep. I grabbed her baby monitor and brought it downstairs with me. All the grandparents were gathered at our dining room table, eating a huge breakfast that Emily had prepared. Em smiled at me as soon as she saw me and got up out of her seat.

"I saved you some food, Naoms," Emily said as she walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a plate that she'd been keeping warm for me in the oven. "I gave you extra waffles because you extra deserve it."

I smiled at her and kissed her gently. I thanked her and started eating right away, not even bothering to sit in the dining room with everybody else. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I had food right in front of my face.

"Hungry?" Emily asked with a smile. She leaned against the counter as I nodded enthusiastically and tried to suppress a yawn. "Tired too?"

I nodded again and ate another bit of waffle. Emily leaned over and kissed me again, making sure to kiss away some maple syrup that had gathered at the corner of my lip.

"I love you so much," She whispered. I put my plate down on the counter behind me and wrapped my arms around Emily, who hugged me back tightly. "I didn't know it was even possible to love you more, but my heart filled with so much love for you when you gave birth to our daughter. It's like my heart tripled in size and I just feel so full of love for you and for Elouise."

I nodded against Emily's shoulder and kissed her neck lightly. "I love you so much, too, Em," I replied. I felt the same way Emily did – watching her with Elouise made me realize that I definitely fell in love with the right woman. She's kind, gorgeous, smart, forgiving, and endlessly loving. "I never want to lose this feeling."

"Me either," Emily replied, her warm breath sinking into my skin. Emily pulled away slightly and kissed me sweetly. "Now, you need to eat, love."

Emily turned with a smile and went back into the dining room, leaving me to eat my breakfast in peace. By the time everyone else finished eating, my dishes were already in the dishwasher and I was on the couch, asleep. I'm assuming it was at that point that everybody decided to leave, because when I woke up again to feed Elouise, everybody was gone and it was just our little family.

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Katie and Effy came over for dinner that night, though thankfully they brought dinner over. Emily and I were completely shattered. Emily was barely able to stand up, let alone cook a full meal. I suppose getting used to having a whole other person to take care of was really tiring us out. Luckily, Katie and Effy had already gotten used to having Owen around, so they were much better at time management and getting the right amount of rest than Emily and I were at the moment.

Katie and Effy left Owen in his car seat, which was propped up just high enough so that he could watch his mummies eat their dinner. I lay Elouise down on the couch cushion next to me, where she promptly fell asleep.

"Does he just sit like that all the time?" Emily asked, gesturing to Owen who was sat in his chair and contentedly sucking on his hand. Katie looked over at Owen and smiled.

"Yup. What a good boy we have," Katie said, turning to Effy with a huge smile on her face. Effy smiled in response and looked over at Owen.

"Hello mummy's darling," she cooed. Owen smiled and gurgled back in response, his legs kicking out excitedly when he heard Effy's voice.

I turned to Emily and I knew we were both hoping that Elouise would be that well behaved when she was a bit older. I doubted that Elouise would be as calm as Owen. Regardless of whether Elouise was a quiet baby or the most fussy baby, I had no doubt that Emily and I would love her just the same.

Katie, Effy and Owen left a few hours after we finished dinner, which was good because Em and I were just about ready to pass out. Elouise, thankfully, was feeling just as tired as we were and fell asleep while I was still feeding her. I knew that would mean she'd wake up sooner to feed, but I was okay with that for now. All I wanted to do was get to sleep.

I put Elouise in her crib that was pushed up against my side of the bed and went to get ready for bed. Em took a quick shower while I brushed my teeth and washed my face. When we walked back into the bedroom, we found Libby lying on our bed and staring intently at Elouise, who had woken up and was staring back at Libby. We hadn't really found the time to properly introduce Libby to Elouise just yet, and even though I knew Libby wouldn't even hurt a fly, I couldn't help but freak out a little that our dog had gotten that close to our baby and we hadn't even noticed. You grabbed my hand when you noticed my panic and we both walked over to the bed and sat next to Libby. Elouise was slowly drifting back to sleep, and Libby was intently sniffing at Elouise's hand. She gave it one tiny lick, as though she was saying "yes, I approve of this new human," before she hopped off the bed and actually went to lay in her own doggy bed, which she never did. Libby always slept in our bed with us, but it seemed she understood that tonight was different and we wouldn't want her sleeping on the bed.

Emily pulled down the duvet and we both climbed into bed, both of us turned to face Elouise. Emily wrapped her arms around me and we laid closer together than we had in months. She was pressed right up against me and it felt so good for her not to have to reach so far to wrap her arms around my midsection.

"I missed holding you like this," Em said quietly. "It's nice to be able to wrap my arms all the way around you again."

I laughed and turned in Ems' arms to face her. I kissed her gently, my tongue lightly moving against hers.

"I'm so happy," I said quietly. I closed my eyes and nuzzled closer to Emily, who held me tighter in response. She traced light patterns on my back and we fell asleep holding each other, listening to the newborn baby noises our daughter made as she slept.

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Chapter 31: A Short Bonus Chapter

_Cook_

It was almost midnight on Thursday when my phone rang, interrupting my sleep. It was a Thursday, after all, and I did have to get up for work tomorrow so I figured I should try to go to sleep early. Except I wasn't really sleeping. I was awake and thinking about everything I'd left behind in Bristol. I knew Naomi's due date had passed and since I hadn't heard anything from her in months and Effy hadn't mentioned that Naomi had given birth, I assumed she was still pregnant. I wasn't nearly as hung up over her as I was a few months ago. I didn't like the person I'd become when I watched Naomi and Emily be so happy together. I couldn't look at my best friend and be happy that she was finally getting her happy ending. I would look at Emily and feel only jealousy – I wanted to give Naomi her happy ending.

I knew I needed a change. I didn't like the person I was and I needed a fresh start. So I moved to Glasgow to be closer to Paddy. I helped him as much as I could over these past few months, and even managed to sort myself out a proper job. No girlfriend yet, but that's okay. Starting a new life can take time.

I reached onto the nightstand where my mobile was ringing and answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Cook," Effy said quietly, as though she didn't want anybody to hear her making the call. "Naomi gave birth tonight to a baby girl. She and Emily named her Elouise. Just thought you'd like to know, maybe send a congratulations card or something. But nothing more than that, okay? This is Naomi and Emily's daughter. Not your daughter."

"Yeah, I know...thanks for telling me, Eff," I replied. "How's your littl'un?"

"Owen's doing great, thanks. Anyway, Cook, I've got to go. Katie doesn't know I still speak to you. Take care, mate."

"Yeah, you too, Eff."

I ended the call and walked out to my living room, grabbing the card I'd bought weeks ago in preparation. It was a simple card that had a picture of a pram on the front and said "congratulations" on the inside.

_Naomi and Emily,_

_ Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Hope you're all doing well._

_ Cook x_

I didn't write anything else in the card. No number for them to reach me, and I didn't write a return address on the envelope. I wrote their new address on the envelope, the address that Effy had given me a few weeks ago when I'd asked her for it. I sealed the envelope and placed it next to my keys so I'd remember to mail it on my way to work tomorrow morning.

And for the first time since Naomi met Emily, I felt genuinely happy for my best friend.

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**Author's Note: check out my tumblr page at keeping-schtum DOT tumblr DOT com**

**And please let me know what you thought in a review!**


	32. Truth and Honesty

**Author's Note: Sorry it's taken so long for this update! I was planning on taking two weeks off from updating to deal with finals and papers and other university stuff, and then I was planning on updating every day in December until AIWMTB was finished, at which point I'd post my next story. Things didn't go to plan and writing for AIWMTB was writer's block central, so I posted the first chapter of my next story, Amnesty, earlier this week. Check it out if you want. I'd love it if you did!**

**There's only a few more chapters of AIWMTB left - it should be finished by New Year's.**

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 32: Truth and Honesty

_April 25th, 2014_

I was sat on the couch with Elouise on my chest as I watched TV. It was Emily's first day back at work and it was taking me extra long to push her out the door this morning to get to work. Em was terribly worried about leaving me on my own with Elouise and Libby, worried that I wouldn't be able to "handle things". Katie was in our front entranceway, insisting that Em get a move on before they were both late since they carpooled to work together.

"Emily, do you think you can put your shoes on, like, a little fucking faster?" Katie said, worriedly glancing at her watch. I gave her a pointed look from my spot on the couch.

"Katie, no swearing in front of our daughter."

"Oh...right, sorry," Katie replied, taking a look at Elouise who was sleeping soundly in my arms. "It's just that Ellie doesn't really seem to give a fuck at the moment."

I pouted at Katie's use of our daughter's new nickname. Em had come up with the shortened name for our daughter. I wasn't sure if I was quite fond of it yet, so I continued to call Elouise by her full name. I doubted it would last long though, since Ellie was rapidly catching on and both my mum and Emily's mum, along with Effy and Katie, were already referring to our daughter by her new nickname.

"Em," I said, getting up off the couch and turning to my wife. I smiled at her and grabbed her shoulder tightly with my one free hand, as the other arm was cradling Elouise. "You're talking about our daughter and our dog as though they're ticking time bombs. Libby spends most of her time looking out the window and sleeping. Elouise spends most of her time eating, pooping, and sleeping. I've got the baby sling in case I need to move around the house to get things done with Elouise. I'll be fine, love. And if I'm not fine, I'll call you."

Emily pouted. I knew she was just trying to help and make sure I wouldn't get overwhelmed with things. So I smiled at her and kissed her quickly, handing her the packed lunch I'd made for her.

"Off you go. I'll see you later," I said. Emily smiled at me and kissed me one last time. "Love you."

I thought I heard Katie mumble "hallelujah", but I chose to ignore her for the moment.

"Love you too, Naoms," Em said before leaning down and kissing Elouise on the top of her head. "Love you, Ellie."

Katie smiled at me and kissed Elouise before she followed Emily into the car.

I watched from the front door as Emily pulled out of the driveway, and went off to work. I went to sit on the couch with Elouise right away, choosing to spend my morning watching crappy daytime television. Elouise chose to spend most of the morning sleeping and only woke up once to be fed. Libby, as predicted, spent her morning sitting in front of the window. It was actually quite useful, considering she would only ever bark when the postman came, so she would let me know when I should go to get the post. I put Elouise, who was still fast asleep, in her bouncy chair while I went to get the post quickly. It was full of all the usual – coupons, bills, more bills, promotional flyers. Except for one pink envelope that was written in Cook's handwriting.

"Shit," I cursed under my breath as I walked into the kitchen to grab the letter opener. I left the bills on the counter, which is where Emily and I always put the mail. I opened Cook's card and actually snorted at what I read.

_ Naomi and Emily,_

_ Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Hope you're all doing well._

_ Cook x_

That was it. That was all he had to say. Part of me was angry at him. That wasn't the card you should send your old best friend to congratulate them on the birth of their daughter. And yet, another part of me was grateful to him. I was happy that he even sent a card and that the card didn't say anything more than a simple congratulatory message. Because if it did, it'd hurt me. I missed my best friend. I couldn't deny that fact. But I also couldn't deny that life without Cook was good for Emily and I. We'd moved forward in our relationship and we were at a place where we were both incredibly secure with each other. Elouise had brought us so close together and I didn't want _anything_ to ruin that.

I sighed to myself and displayed Cook's card among the other "congratulations" cards we'd gotten over the past few days. I knew I'd have to explain its presence to Emily when she got home from work tonight, but I wasn't worried about it. I knew I had to come clean – I had to tell her the real reason why Cook left, and I had to tell her about the initial doubts I'd had when I found out about his feelings for me. I didn't keep secrets from my wife anymore.

One card that was noticeably absent from the display of congratulatory cards was Natalie's card, since she hadn't sent me one. She hadn't even called. I knew she would have seen our announcement message that we sent out to all family and friends. Even though I still held a massive grudge against her for what happened on New Year's, I decided to give her another chance and put her on the mailing list for that announcement message, and she hadn't even _texted_ me to congratulate me.

So... fuck her. My daughter was too perfect to be tainted by Natalie's crap anyway.

Elouise woke up a few minutes later, demanding to be fed and changed. My stomach was demanding to be fed lunch, but sadly that would have to wait until Elouise was settled again. Luckily for me, Effy and Owen came over as soon as I'd finished feeding Elouise. Effy was carrying a carrier bag full of sandwiches and salads and had Owen strapped to her chest.

"We were at Tesco's and decided to pick up some lunch in hopes that you might want some company this afternoon," Effy announced. Owen gurgled his approval. I smiled and let them in right away.

I strapped Elouise into her baby swing, which she was completely in love with. I put it on the lowest setting since she'd just eaten and I didn't want her to get an upset stomach. Effy set out all the sandwiches and salads on the table in the kitchen while she still had Owen strapped to her chest.

"Do you want me to grab the bouncy chair for Owen?" I asked as I unstrapped Owen and cradled him against me. I moved his long brown hair out of his eyes. Effy nodded at me and smiled at her son. Owen was absolutely adorable, with his long brown hair and chubby cheeks. Effy had started to spike Owen's hair up into a faux hawk to keep it out of his face, but she hadn't done that today. Katie had bought him a pair of baby Converse shoes, which were the most adorable things ever, but Owen hardly ever wore them. Effy argued that shoes were pointless for babies anyway, and expensive shoes were even more pointless, but she did smile when she first saw Katie put those Converse on Owen.

I strapped Owen into the bouncy chair, which was next to Elouise's baby swing. Elouise was about to fall asleep, and Owen was watching us intently and sucking on his hand. Effy and I finally sat down at the small kitchen table and started to eat.

"I spoke to Cook the other day," Effy said, taking a bite of salad. "I told him about Elouise."

I nodded. "I figured you'd told him. I got a congratulations card from him today."

Effy squirmed a bit in her seat. "Katie doesn't know I still speak to him, so please don't tell Emily that it was me who told Cook."

I nodded and took a bite of my sandwich. "I'm telling Emily everything tonight."

Effy looked shocked for a moment, but recovered quite quickly. "You sure?"

I nodded. "She needs to know."

Effy nodded and we ate the rest of our lunch quietly. Owen and Elouise eventually fell asleep, and that gave Effy a chance to go home and get some laundry done in peace.

"You sure you'll be okay with both of them for the time being?" Effy asked. I nodded and practically pushed her out of the house. "Promise you'll call me as soon as he wakes up!"

I laughed. "I promise, Eff!"

Two hours later, I'd finished cooking dinner and started a quick load of laundry. Effy had come to pick Owen up about fifteen minutes ago and Elouise was still fast asleep for the time being. Emily was due home any minute now, and Libby was patiently waiting for Emily by the front door. Sure enough, Emily was home a few seconds later. Elouise woke up when she heard the commotion in the front hallway. Emily walked into the kitchen and kissed me swiftly before picking Elouise up out of her baby swing.

"Hello, Ellie, my beauty," Emily cooed.

"Hello, darling," Emily said as she walked over to me with Elouise in her arms. "Something smells delicious, Naoms."

I smiled at her. "I decided to do something special and try that curry recipe you told me about a while ago."

Emily nodded and smiled appreciatively at me. "I noticed that new card..." she said, trailing off as she looked back towards the living room where the cards were displayed on the coffee table. "Who's it from?"

"Cook," I replied as I stirred the curry sauce and quickly checked on the rice.

"Oh."

When I looked over my shoulder at Emily, she had a worried frown on her face and was staring down at Elouise. I abandoned my work at the stovetop and walked over to Em. I grabbed her hand.

"Em, we'll talk about it after dinner, okay. Nothing to worry about, love," I said, leaning down and kissing her gently. "Can you go change Elouise's nappy, please?"

Emily relaxed a little after I told her not to worry and she went upstairs to change Elouise. I plated up dinner and set the table while Emily was gone. I wasn't worried about the conversation I was about to have with Emily. I knew I should have been a bit nervous, but I felt so secure in our relationship that I didn't feel the need. When Emily came back into the kitchen with Elouise, I knew right away that my dinner was going to have to wait. Elouise was fussy and since Emily had just changed her, that usually meant that Elouise was hungry. So I sat at the dinner table and watched Emily eat her dinner while I nursed Elouise. After Emily was finished eating, she kindly offered to feed me my dinner after watching my horrible attempts at feeding myself one-handedly without jostling or upsetting Elouise. By the time we were all finished eating, it was almost an hour later than I'd expected.

"So, you had something to say to me about Cook?" Emily asked as she was loading up the dishwasher. I was still sat at the table, holding Elouise who was about to fall asleep.

"Well...I sort of haven't told you something about why he left."

Emily nodded and continued to load the dishwasher.

"The real reason why he left was because he was still in love with me. You see, when you and I met in Paris, Cook and I were...together, I suppose...in a very unofficial way. We never really ended things because I thought there was nothing to end. Cook...when he left... he said he couldn't stand to see me happy with you and that he wanted to ask for another chance with me, but he didn't want to put me in that position. I knew I had to make a choice then and there, between him and you. Except there never really was a choice to be made, because I know you're the only one for me. So I let him go. And I'm happy I did."

Emily had stopped loading the dishwasher and leaned against the countertop, watching me intently as I spoke.

"Do you miss him?" She asked me, looking down at her hands and playing with her wedding band.

"I miss my best mate, not the guy I used to sleep with," I replied. "After I met you, everything stopped. I never slept with him after I met you. It was like you turned my world upside down, except my world wasn't upside down. It was finally _right._ You fixed my life without me even realizing that there was something that needed fixing."

Emily smiled at me and walked over to me. She leaned down and kissed me gently.

"I'm not mad, Naoms. I even understand why you kept that a secret from me. I wasn't very secure in our relationship while Cook was around. Especially not after I saw you kiss him, and especially not when he was our donor. But, I suppose, in a way, I'm eternally grateful to him because he helped us get to where we are today."

I smiled. "So you're not mad at me?"

Emily smiled and gently took Elouise from my arms. "Of course I'm not mad at you, love."

Emily kissed me gently and walked upstairs with Elouise. I followed and watched Em gently place Elouise into her crib. Libby padded up the stairs and laid on the bed next to Elouise's crib. It didn't worry us anymore when Libby would lay on the bed next to Elouise. Libby was very gentle and quiet around the baby, so we didn't insist that she get off the bed and lay in her own bed anymore. Emily grabbed my hand and smiled at me gently. She wrapped her arms around my now slightly fuller waist, draping them just above my slightly larger hips.

"Do you want me to run you a bath?" She asked, kissing me on the cheek. I nodded against her and smiled.

"Only if you'll join me."

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**Check out my tumblr page at: keeping-schtum DOT tumblr DOT com**


	33. No Church in the Wild

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for the great response to the last chapter! I honestly can't remember if I replied to reviews or not, so if I didn't get to your review I am terribly sorry! I've been pretty busy with Christmas-related things this week and also have been terribly busy watching The Office (no really, I'm addicted). **

**Song for this chapter is No Church in the Wild by Kanye West ft Jay-Z. Give it a listen. Better yet, watch the video because it's awesome.**

**And as usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 33: No Church in the Wild

_Sunday, April 27th, 2014_

Emily and I were slowly settling into becoming parents. Ellie – yes, I had caved and started to call our daughter by her nickname – was already on a schedule and was eating well and gaining weight like any newborn baby should. Our daughter wasn't an exceptionally difficult baby, but she wasn't exactly easy like Owen. Both my mum and Jenna had already been over to help take care of the baby and both were quick to remark that Ellie was more hard work than any child they'd raised. Since Jenna had raised twins and James Fitch, I took that statement pretty seriously. But Ellie was worth it. I loved to watch her sleep and she'd always make these adorable baby noises...little gurgles and sniffles. Ellie was perfect in every way, even if her behaviour wasn't necessarily perfect.

"You were such a well behaved baby, Naomi. I used to be able to take you to protests all the time and you wouldn't make a single noise!" My mum remarked as she tried to settle Ellie down.

"I've got a special trick," Emily remarked. She walked over to my mum, who passed Ellie over. Emily held Ellie in her arms and started bouncing her hips slightly and swaying and walking all at the same time. "She goes right to sleep if I make a few laps around the living room like this."

I smiled at Em. She'd discovered that trick when Ellie was two days old. We started to call it the "Ellie Bounce". Ellie loved to be bounced and rocked when you were trying to put her to sleep. I think it's because she wants to make sure you're still there with her while she's napping. If she's being bounced or rocked, then someone must be there with her, watching her and keeping her safe.

My mother watched Emily and smiled at me. "You've got a keeper there, Naoms."

"Who, the baby? Not like I can return her, mum."

My mum smiled at me and Emily shot me a playfully dirty look. I decided that was my queue to go back to the kitchen and finish up the roast dinner. My mum was staying for dinner and Effy and Katie were coming over as well. Katie and Effy arrived a few minutes after Emily had put Elouise down for her nap.

Emily had asked how exactly Cook found out about Ellie even being born the other day and I fudged a bit of a lie to protect Effy. I told Em that I'd added him to the announcement message list and that he found out through the e-mail. Emily believed me right away. I knew if I'd told her the truth, she would have told Katie, and Katie would have flown off the handle. Effy and Katie had a no-secrets policy and this secret was a very bad one to hide from Katie.

"Hey, need any help?" Effy asked, walking into the kitchen and placing a carrier bag on the counter. "I brought dessert."

"You mean you _bought_ dessert," I replied with a smile. Effy shrugged.

"I bought it and then I brought it over here. So I brought dessert."

"I think we're going to have to agree to disagree here. Can you chop the carrots?"

Effy nodded and took the carrots and knife I handed her and stuck to her assigned task. I heard Emily playing with Owen in the living room when Katie's loud voice interrupted the peace.

"What on earth is this?" Katie asked, making her way through to the kitchen. She was holding Cook's congratulations card. I saw Effy's face go pale right away.

"It's a congratulations card from Cook," I answered, trying to make myself look busy and avoid having this conversation with Katie. I knew that Effy didn't tell Katie that she still spoke to Cook, and I knew Katie would be upset if she found out. Obviously, Emily had told Katie a bit about my past with Cook and when he moved away, Katie was anything but upset. I'm quite sure she considered throwing a party to celebrate his departure, and not in a traditional going away party kind of way.

"Well I know that," Katie replied. "But how did he even know when you had Ellie?"

I shrugged. "I added him to the announcement message list."

"No you didn't," Katie retorted, reading the card again. "I looked through that list a bunch of times and I never saw his e-mail address."

Emily walked into the kitchen, carrying Owen on her hip. Owen was looking around at us all fascinatedly as he sucked on his pacifier.

"What's going on in here?" Emily asked as she smoothed Owen's long dark hair away from his face.

"I was just asking how Cook found out about Ellie's birth when he wasn't on the announcement message list," Katie replied. Effy was staying very quiet and remained very focused on chopping carrots while I continued to try to make myself look busy by rearranging the fruit bowl.

"What do you mean, he wasn't on the message list? Naomi said she added his name to it," Emily replied. Oh crap. This was going from bad to worse to catastrophic.

"When I looked it over, I didn't see his name. So who told Cook?" Katie demanded, placing her hands on her hips. My mum walked into the kitchen, looking confused at all the commotion.

"I did."

Everybody looked at Effy with a different expression on their face. Katie was furious, if her quickly reddening face was any indication. Emily looked exasperated and shot me an unimpressed glare. My mum looked terribly confused, and gave me a questioning glance. I was shocked that Effy had fessed up that easily. I knew she hate keeping secrets from Katie and that she probably wanted to get the whole Cook thing off her chest, but I was surprised that she admitted to it that quickly.

"What do you mean? You still speak to Cook? Even after we agreed we weren't going to speak to him after the whole admitting his love for Naomi debacle?"

"How do you know about Cook leaving because he had feelings for Naomi?" Emily asked as she tried to use the Ellie bounce on Owen, who was getting fussy because of the massive amounts of tension in the room. He was a very sensitive baby and seemed to notice everything. Katie shrugged in response.

"Effy told me about it," Katie replied before turning back to Effy. "I thought we agreed, Effy. We agreed not to speak to him."

"I know, it's just...he's an old friend, Kay. I couldn't just cut him out of my life like that. It's not as easy for me as it is for you. Cook and Naoms, sometimes they were the only people I could rely on and trust when I was with Freddie. I shouldn't have gone behind your back and continued speaking to Cook and I swear I've been meaning to stop talking to him, but I thought he should know that Naomi had the baby and that everything's alright, you know?" Effy stumbled across her words, her eyes pleading with Katie. She walked over and grabbed Katie's hand. "A lot of things have changed for me these past few years, and Cook was always there for me, Kay. I just wanted to let him know Naomi was okay."

Katie's lips were in a thin line and she was obviously still angry. "It wasn't really your place to let him know about Naomi and Ellie, though, Effy. And it wasn't right for you to lie to me like you did for all these months."

"Katie, I'm sorry. I won't speak to him behind your back again. Can't we move past this and just forget about it?"

"I don't think I can just forget about it, Eff."

And at that perfect moment, the smoke detector went off. The noise shocked everybody into action. I went straight to the oven, which had smoke pouring out of it. I grabbed my oven mitts and quickly took the completely ruined roast out of the oven. Owen started crying his eyes out and Emily immediately handed him over to Katie. Emily went upstairs to grab Ellie, who started crying as soon as the smoke detector went off. Effy helped Katie, who was still attempting to soothe Owen. My mum jumped up onto a chair and started fanning at the smoke detector with a towel. When the commotion was finally over, I realized that things were far worse than just a ruined roast dinner. Effy and Katie were arguing, Owen was upset because he knew his mums were upset, Emily was mad at Effy for speaking to Cook and mad at me for lying to her about putting him on the announcement message list, Ellie's routine for the day had gone to shit because of the smoke detector, and my mum felt so uncomfortable that she left soon after Katie and Effy's argument. Katie offered to help clean up the kitchen with me while Effy went home to try and settle Owen down and Emily went upstairs to try to get Elouise back to sleep. I was elbow-deep in dishes and Katie was drying the dishes as I passed them to her. Furiously drying them.

"Don't be so hard on her, Katie," I said as I handed her a dish. "She doesn't ever mean to hurt you."

Katie sighed. "I know. I just hate when she lies to me. There's no need for her to keep secrets and tell me lies. I'll accept whatever she does or whoever she wants to be as long as she's honest with me."

"Effy grew up in a household where lying and keeping secrets was the only form of communication they knew. She's a lot better now since she's been with you. She's still learning how to be a good partner to you and a good mum to Owen and a good friend to me and a good sister-in-law to Emily. It's a lot for her to be able to balance all that at once. So just don't be too hard on her."

Katie's expression softened and she smiled at me. "I'll keep all that in mind."

Emily came into the kitchen looking completely knackered, though I noted that Ellie wasn't crying anymore, which meant that Emily had managed to get her back to sleep.

"Is dinner completely ruined then?" Emily asked as she watched Katie and I do the dishes.

"Yeah."

"Brilliant," Emily replied sarcastically as she walked over to the drawer where we keep our takeaway menus. "So, Indian or Chinese or Thai, Naomi?"

"Chinese, please."

Katie left as soon as the kitchen was cleaned up, looking tired and upset. Emily didn't look much better.

"What was the point in telling me all that crap the other day if you were just going to lie about putting Cook on the announcement message list? All that bullshit about coming clean and being honest with me and then you just went and lied," Emily said. Her voice sounded tired and exasperated. I knew I was treading on thin ice.

"I was protecting Effy. I'm sorry I lied."

The doorbell rang and Emily went to pay for the food we'd ordered. She spread the containers out on the coffee table in the living room and we ate in silence on the couch.

"I forgive you," Emily said as she opened up her fortune cookie. "Please don't lie to me again."

"I won't."

Emily handed me her fortune. "Can you read it for me? I can't see the writing when it's that small."

"It says 'Good luck bestows upon you. You will get what your heart desires,'" I read out in a cryptic voice. "What does your heart desire, Em?"

"Only you."

I snorted. "Well that's a bloody useless fortune. You've already got me!"

Emily laughed a small laugh and smiled. "Yeah...I suppose so."

She leaned over and kissed me gently. "Love you, Naoms."

"Love you too, Em."

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	34. Ghosts That We Knew

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry this update is late! I honestly can't even remember if I replied to reviews or not, so I'm sorry if I didn't reply to your review! Thanks so much for continuing to read this :) I'd say we have 1-2 more chapters left and then that's it!**

**Song for this chapter is Ghosts That We Knew by Mumford and Sons. **

**As usual, I don't own or have anything to do with Skins.**

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Chapter 34: Ghosts that we Knew

_August 25__th__,2014_

_(Elouise = 5 months, Owen = 7 months)_

"Em, have you packed the sunscreen?" I shouted towards the hallway as I finished dressing Ellie in her swimming costume and pulling on a small skirt and hat for her. Emily was in our bedroom getting our beach bag ready, and I'd already changed into my bathing suit and put on a wrap skirt.

"Yes, I've packed it, Naoms," Emily replied as she walked into Ellie's nursery with the ballooning beach bag hanging on her shoulder. "You look nice."

I picked Ellie up and scoffed at Em.

"Ugh, I look fat and lumpy and my tits are huge and I barely even fit in my swimming costume," I replied. Ellie grabbed onto the strap of my bathing suit top as I carried her over to Emily. Her other hand was focused on pulling my hair, which had grown out to almost past my shoulders since I never had time to go to the hairdresser's. She giggled every time I winced in pain.

"Naomi, how many times am I going to have to tell you that you look fucking amazing before you actually start to believe it? I _wish_ I looked like you!" Emily replied as I followed her down the stairs and into the foyer.

Having Ellie had really changed my body. My boobs never went back to their original size, though I knew Emily preferred them this way. To be honest, I didn't really mind save for the occasional back aches. I was still nursing Ellie so technically I was losing weight since breastfeeding burns a ridiculous amount of calories. My stomach was flat again, but I was curvy. I'd never really been curvy before. My hips and my butt were way bigger than they were before I had Ellie, though I was lucky I never got a single stretch mark. I was slowly getting used to the idea that my body had changed and that it was never going to be the same. Effy, of course, had snapped back to her stick-thin figure in almost no time after she had Owen.

Emily had gained a few pounds since we had Ellie, too. We never really had any time to go to the gym anymore and Emily used to work out all the time before we had the baby. There just wasn't any time anymore. Our days were filled with feedings and changing nappies and nap time and play time and trying to teach Ellie simple words and chasing after Ellie (who was just figuring out how to drag herself around the house) and keeping up with deadlines for our online magazine and laundry and taking Libby for walks and keeping up with family and cleaning the house. We were busy and overscheduled and we hardly ever had a second to relax, but we were the happiest we'd ever been. My relationship with Emily was the best it's ever been – despite our busy schedules, we were having sex on a daily basis. If Emily was at work, I would come in with Ellie and bring lunch and we'd have family lunch all together. If I was at the magazine, Emily would come in with Ellie and bring lunch. Taking Libby for her night-time walk had turned into a family affair, and unless one of us was busy cooking or doing laundry, we would all go out for a walk. Everything was going marvellously well.

Today, we were going on a trip to the beach with Katie, Effy and Owen. We were headed to Plymouth to celebrate the unseasonably warm weather and the summer bank holiday. We were bringing Libby along with us because Libby loves the beach – well, Libby enjoys running along the beach and knocking over small children's sandcastles while she frantically searches for other dogs she could play with. We were headed out early in the morning so that Ellie and Owen would hopefully nap during the drive to the beach, which was supposed to be two hours long. I was already dreading it, but I knew the drive would be worth it once I saw the smile on Ellie's face when we finally got to the beach. Ellie loved playing in her paddling pool so I was sure she would love the beach.

Emily called Libby over and hooked her leash to her collar. We strapped Ellie into her car seat, which yes, was a joint effort because Ellie enjoyed punching and kicking while we tried to strap her in. Then we started loading our car. We were taking two cars to the beach just in case either Ellie or Owen started to get fussy and one family had to head home.

Emily placed Ellie in the car and got Libby all settled while I finished packing the cooler and our beach bag into the trunk. Emily had made some sandwiches this morning and I'd made muffins and cookies yesterday evening to bring with us. We packed plenty of water and I brought everything I needed to nurse Ellie, who shouldn't need to be fed for at least a few more hours since I made sure to feed her just before we left.

Katie and Effy were ready just a short while after we had our car all packed up and ready to go.

"It's the M5 we have to take, right?" Katie asked, lifting her sunglasses onto her head as she gazed down at her SatNav. "I never trust this thing."

"Yeah, it's the M5, Kay," Emily hollered out the passenger window as she buckled her seatbelt. "If you want you can follow us till we hit the motorway."

Katie nodded and sat in the driver's seat, starting the car up at the same time I started ours. Ellie was gurgling in the backseat and Libby had propped herself up on the car window so she could see outside.

"Did we forget anything? Wallet, keys, phones, nappies, change of clothes, hats?" I asked. Emily shook her head.

"Nope, we've got everything."

And with that, I pulled out of the driveway and we began our two hour long journey to Plymouth. Ellie had fallen asleep about fifteen minutes into the drive, just as I'd hoped she would, and when we finally got to the beach, she was cheery and wide-eyed instead of tired and grumpy. Ellie completely freaked out the moment we put her down on the sand, shouting and giggling and grabbing sand and throwing it into mine and Emily's faces. Owen, however, was the picture of calm and collected when Katie put him down on the sand. He stared down at this newfound foreign object and stared back up at his mummies before tentatively reaching out and grabbing a handful of sand. He concentrated very hard as he squished it between his fingers. Ellie was still laughing and giggling in the sand and decided to dump a handful of sand onto Owen's swim trunks while we were busy paying attention to spreading out some towels and hauling the cooler over. Owen sighed as he stared down at the pile of sand on his swim trunks, as though he had the world's weight on his shoulders. Libby sat down next to Ellie and Owen and watched over them as Ellie continued to dump sand onto Owen's lap.

Ellie and Owen interacting together was my favourite thing to watch. Owen was like an old man trapped in a tiny baby's body, though he was very sensitive and quiet. He was more of a thinker than a do-er and occasionally needed encouragement to try new things. Ellie was always in the middle of some new disaster, trying everything before she could decide whether it was a good idea or not. She was playful and giggly and her carefree nature made Owen act more carefree when he was around her.

Emily, Katie, Effy and I all ate while we watched Owen and Ellie play in the sand together. We handed Owen a small spade and he was very slowly figuring out what it was for after staring at it intensely for about 15 minutes. Ellie was still laughing her head off while throwing sand at Owen, who didn't seem to mind Ellie's sand throwing anymore and was about half-way buried in sand.

After we all finished eating Emily and I took turns going into the water with Ellie and Katie and Effy worked on slowly introducing Owen to the water. The sea was colder than what he was used to when he would play with Ellie in her paddling pool so Effy and Katie stayed very close to the shore with him and just sat and played in the water. Emily and I were wading in waist-deep with Ellie who was completely obsessed with the water and also enjoyed splashing us.

I was in the water with Ellie, teaching her how to make bigger splashes when Emily swam over to us.

"Look, Ellie, splash Mama," I whispered and grabbed Ellie's hand. I moved it to make a big wave and launched it towards Emily, who got completely soaken.

"Naomi Fitch-Campbell, if you weren't holding our daughter, I would _kill you_ right now," Emily said as she moved her soaking wet hair away from her face. Ellie was laughing ridiculously hard, so much so that she could barely breathe and I had to admit, a sopping wet Emily was a hilarious sight.

Eventually the sea got just too cold for Ellie to stand and we started packing up all our things. I changed Ellie into a warm pair of clothes since her lips were almost blue from spending so much time in the sea. Emily and I took turns to hold the towel and cover each other while we changed into warmer clothes, too. We stopped at a small local restaurant for a quick bite to eat and to feed Ellie and Owen before we headed back onto the road to go home. I was not looking forward to the two hour drive back but I was hoping that Ellie would fall asleep again so it wouldn't be too bad.

When we finally got home, it was almost 8 o'clock and Ellie was fast asleep. She hadn't had an afternoon nap today, so I figured she would be out for the night and might wake up a bit early tomorrow morning. Emily frowned as we pulled into the driveway.

"What's up, Em?" I asked as I parked the car.

"The door..." Emily whispered, still frowning and squinting to get a better look. I looked up and saw that our front door was wide open.

"Stay here," I said as I got out of the car and walked to the front door. The locks were broken and when I stepped into the house, I saw that the locks weren't the only things that were broken. Our house was completely destroyed. Our couch was ruined, our mirror in the front hall lay shattered on the floor, our TV was smashed. The drawers in the kitchen were strewn about the room, completely empty, cutlery scattered all over the place. The cupboards were empty and plates and glasses were shattered on the floor and counter. I grabbed the kitchen phone and it was completely dead. He must've cut the phone lines to disarm our alarm system. Instead, I grabbed my cell phone and immediately called the cops before getting out of the house.

"Well, what is it?" Emily asked. She walked over to me quickly from her spot where she had been frantically pacing next to the car.

"Somebody's broken in and smashed everything up. It doesn't look like anything's been stolen," I replied, pulling Emily into me for a hug. "You know who it was just as much as I do."

"Foster."

"Yeah. But don't tell the cops that right away. Let them find their evidence first and then get him that way. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, he must've left some kind of fingerprint or hair or something."

Emily nodded against me.

"I'm gonna go tell Katie and Effy and ask if we can sleep at their house tonight," Emily replied, kissing me gently on the cheek.

"Good idea, Em. Take Ellie in with you, she's out for the night and she'll wake up if she hears all the police and commotion."

Emily went to Katie and Effy's house and put Ellie to sleep while I stood outside and waited for the police. This had to be it, right? This had to be the end of John Foster torturing my family. I couldn't take any more of his sick mind games and his bullshit. I knew Emily was feeling scared and helpless yet again. It was something she hasn't really felt since we've had Ellie, but John's reappearance in our lives always gives her that feeling, and probably always will give her that feeling. I wish there was something I could do to make it go away, but I can't. All I can do is try to make Emily feel as safe as possible, which is why we installed an alarm system both at the new house and at the old apartment. Of course, an alarm system was no good if the phone lines were cut, since the alarm is connected through the phone lines, and since we were the last house on the street and our neighbours were out all day long with us, it was doubtful anybody would have even heard anything.

When the police finally arrived, they asked Em and I some questions about where we were all day and asked us if we had any enemies. Em mentioned our issues with John Foster and the police assured us that they were collecting evidence and doing all that they could to find out who broke in and bring them to justice. After that, they told us that we should go and get some rest, so that was exactly what we did.

"So, everything's just broken?" Effy asked as she handed me a cup of tea. We were all sat down at Katie and Effy's kitchen table.

"Well, everything I saw was broken. The couch was all torn up, the TV was shattered...everything," I replied. I took a deep breath and took a sip of my tea in hopes that it would calm down the ball of anxiety that had settled in my stomach.

"Do you think your insurance will cover it?" Katie asked. I shrugged. I certainly fucking hoped they would. It would cost a bloody fortune to refurnish the whole house.

"Obviously he planned it. I mean, of course he did. It just happened to be on a day that we were out two hours away with our closest neighbours," I sighed.

"I'm just so tired of this," Emily said as she leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder. "I hope they catch him and put him away for good this time. I'll never feel safe unless he's locked up or dead."

Katie leaned over and squeezed Emily's hand.

"It'll be alright, Emsy. They'll get him."

After we finished our tea, we all went to bed. Effy had set up the guest bedroom for us. Ellie was sleeping in the middle of our bed. Though we were both exhausted from our day, neither of us were able to sleep. We couldn't stop looking out the window and watching as the police collected evidence from our home. And we couldn't stop hoping that all this John Foster bullshit would finally come to an end.

The next morning, I got a phone call from the police. They alerted us that we were allowed to go back into our house as they'd collected enough evidence to determine who broke into the house. Sure enough, later that same day, they arrested John Foster, who was staying in a B&B just outside of Bristol. Emily cried she was so happy.

We left Ellie with Katie and Effy while we went back to the house to see if we could salvage anything. Luckily, John hadn't done much damage to our bedroom or Ellie's nursery and almost everything upstairs was fine. But downstairs was completely ruined. Emily called the insurance company and they agreed to cover all the replacement costs. We also called the phone company to come and re-wire our phone lines that had been cut.

My mum, Kieran, Jenna, Rob and James all came to help us clean up the house while Katie and Effy took care of Ellie. And in about three days, we'd just about managed to get everything in the house clean again, though now we had no furniture and no functioning kitchen. We did replace the front door and all the locks, though.

But that didn't bring Emily down. She found out that John had plead guilty and had been sentenced to 15 years in prison for repeated offences and possession of Class A drugs at the time of his arrest.

"Fresh start?" She asked me as we lay in our own bed. It was the first night we were spending in the house since the break in.

I sighed and smiled at her.

"This is probably our fifth fresh start together," I replied. "But okay. Fresh start."

"Love you," Emily whispered as she snuggled into my side.

"Love you, too, Em."

And that night we slept peacefully, free of worry about John fucking Foster.

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